tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44682973392290334322024-03-13T22:20:09.530-07:00Carmel HillbilliesWendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.comBlogger101125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-9832362013563447392017-08-16T14:50:00.000-07:002017-08-16T14:50:00.909-07:00Flat Character/ My Unique Calling Mash-UpI can see that you have some <b>favorites</b>: Favorite celebrities, singers, authors, quotes, actors, people, ideas, ideals...<br />
I have favorites too. <br />
I see Magnolia in my feeds frequently. Color Runs seem popular. Chalkboard decor. John Piper quotes. The TV show "This is Us". Chevron, or are we over that now? <br />
<br />
It takes less than a minute to look up which celebrities are speaking out against Trump,<br />
what people are saying about Charlottesville,<br />
what people are saying about what Trump is saying about Charlottesville. <br />
I don't have to decide for myself what is in style to wear- I just need to see what goes viral, what everyone else is wearing. And doing. And listening to. My favorite radio station tells me what is popular to listen to. What's current. <br />
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It's more personal than that though. Social media gives each person a platform to share their best version of themselves. Without spending any time with an acquaintance, I can know what vegetables she grows in her garden, her opinons about the environment, what concert she has recently gone to, and what she considers the best choices for back to school shopping. <br />
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It used to take<b> time</b> to find out so much about our friends. We based our knowledge of our friend from time spent together, usually over a long period of time, not based on a little bit of time together and what we know from social media. <br />
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Because we spent time with our friend we knew that they were <b>not a flat character</b>. No one is a flat character, not "regular" people and not celebrities. We had tea at our friend's kitchen table 75+ times and so we knew that she was <i>the most amazing </i>cook ever but we also knew the areas where she struggled because we talked about them over tea and they were observable because of the amount of time we spent together. <br />
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<b>We push the flatness.</b> I have to believe we want it. We will like an acceptable "round-ness", if it has curb appeal. We will re-tweet "realness" if it's the right kind. As long as it's not "too much." An acceptable flaw will make our favorite pastor or person even more endearing. <br />
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We find Martin Luther King Jr. inspiring, <i>(because he was),</i> and we pretend that he didn't have extramarital affairs, because it doesn't jive with who we think he is or the type of character we think someone who inspires us should have. Suddenly, we say that Trump is a Christian, because we need him to be flat. If there is non-flatness that we cannot deny we say it is solidly in the past and is not part of the current President Trump. <br />
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Did you adulate the Duggar family and now that you know the truth about Josh Duggar have you thrown out the whole bunch or just sectioned off Josh and you still wholeheartedly love the Duggars? And why? Why did you or do you love them? Because they are Christian? Because they are wholesome? Because they seem wholesome? Because you wish you had parented like them even in some small area?<br />
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I am not a flat character. I don't necessarily apologize for my Instagram posts because I'm not even pretending that they fully represent my life. Of course they don't. They are my delights. <br />
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We shape people into flatness. She's a dancer. He's a singer. She's a teacher. He is good at decorating. <b>We leave little room for not just the sin issues that we all struggle with but also for the multi-dimensional aspects of each one of us that make us interesting and uniquely created by God.</b><br />
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I don't want to shout my failures to the world and I'm not suggesting that we do that. I'm not suggesting we ignore hidden & unrepentent sin, or character traits that really need work. Sometimes our "heroes" need a deeper look. They say that Generation Xers are the first generation to not have heroes. <i>(That's for another blog post.)</i> So the closest I have to a hero is Rich Mullins, and he was pretty flawed- likely an alcoholic. However I have listened & listened to what he had to say and he points me to Christ and the Word, over & over again. My favorite artist used to be Mary Engelbreit. But when she gave free use to an image of hers, "Our Bodies, Our Business, Our Rights", that crossed a line for me, with my beliefs. I will never again buy one of her products. Deeper looks of Rich Mullins and Mary Engelbreit produced different results for me. Maybe Martin Luther King Jr. should be your hero and maybe he should not. <br />
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But it's even more personal than that though. <br />
<b>We are made UNIQUELY by God. </b>The Bible is full of stories of PEOPLE- all different. When we start to think that maybe we should run a 5K because all our friends are doing it, and for no other reason than that, <b>we are being unduly influenced by our easy exposure to what everyone is doing, thinking and feeling.</b> And our teens are even more susceptible. <br />
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Maybe you feel like you should run a 5K because you know that you are not exercising enough. Or maybe it looks like fun and you truly want to try it. Great. But if you are running a 5K because it will look good on Instagram and because it seems to be what everyone else is doing, that's thin reasoning. <br />
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Probably one of my most favorite quotes, which did indeed come to me by way of my almost-hero, Rich Mullins, is by Frederick Buechner, and it's a well known one:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”</span></h1>
And that is going to be different for each one of us!! I love that! <b><u>My calling is not some second-hand recreation of someone else's idea</u></b>, <b>someone else's life, someone else's giftedness or success, that I have taken hold of because I want my life to look a certain way.</b> Or because I believe that I will be happy with my life if it looks a certain way. <br />
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I will not be fulfilled by copying what my friend is sharing on social media- unless it connects deeply with my heart in a God-given way, and the exposure of my friend sharing was what I needed to discover something that would bring me inner joy. <br />
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Oh, it's tempting. My friend with the amazing family- I mean AMAZING- they don't have TVs in their house. I know that because she shared it on Facebook and hey, I've shared on Facebook about our screen-free Sundays. But somehow my brain connects that maybe my family could be more amazing if we didn't have TVs in our home, or if we had worship sessions like their family. <br />
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And maybe there is a connection but <b>I have my own family and what is God showing ME</b>. Am I looking to his Word for this source of wisdom or without even realizing it am I looking around me to see what would look best on and for my family? Am I mindlessly trying to be another version of what seems hip, or what looks good, or what I wish I was? Am I comparing myself to someone else? Comparing my "roundness" <i>(sometimes literally!)</i> to someone else's flatness? <br />
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<b>So find out who God made YOU to be.</b> That is a big prayer I have for my kids and I know the work won't be finished as teens because I am in my 40's and am continuing to figure it out. I think it's exciting. <br />
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<br />Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-65117792598748253872017-07-28T11:29:00.000-07:002017-07-28T11:29:25.503-07:00Happy 10 Year Anniversary to Us! I don't know if you can hear it wherever you might be. Can you? I'm pretty sure you can.<br />
Trip Lee's "<i>Sweet Victory</i>" through the open windows.<br />
<i>"... 'cause we winnin', yeah we know we winnin', Now we livin' (sweet victory!)"</i><br />
I don't know if you can see it wherever you might be. Can you? I'm pretty sure you can.<br />
Did you see us just cross the 10-year finish line? Did you see the ribbon at the end and our arms raised in victory? Did you hear the host of heaven praising God?<br />
<i>"... Yeah we still runnin' even though we limpin' (sweet victory). 'Cause we winnin', yeah we know we winnin'..."</i><br />
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Literally against the odds, we sat down to a lobster & corn on the cob dinner, enjoyed each other, and celebrated 10 years of marriage. (WOOT!)<br />
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So, <b>we are 10-years in to this blended family marriage</b>. I have read that less than 25% of 2nd marriages are successful, but here we are- getting better all the time and with a chunk of "sacred history" behind us. So what have we learned? What's working for us that has helped us beat the odds? I will list what comes to mind- And not all of these are unique to blended families/ 2nd marriages. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_gTefYyiqNVIQ0lBmlzQ-K4IXmvswbnS80r8bU2jlLuFccGwfm6N1yyZ_vAEZ4oh8AWCbrsb_u1Nz_8X2axE886SSEWYFDYVeOWfdFbg5RF6HZtTcI3HRs05focQ8N1iw4-NY4n0QiCJt/s1600/20265083_10155715916778117_5074856548791137529_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_gTefYyiqNVIQ0lBmlzQ-K4IXmvswbnS80r8bU2jlLuFccGwfm6N1yyZ_vAEZ4oh8AWCbrsb_u1Nz_8X2axE886SSEWYFDYVeOWfdFbg5RF6HZtTcI3HRs05focQ8N1iw4-NY4n0QiCJt/s640/20265083_10155715916778117_5074856548791137529_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I gave this sign to Kevin when we were dating. It was our prayer and our declaration for our new family. It hung in our house until a few years ago when external factors worked hard to damage our family, home and marriage. At this point we moved it to our front door and declared again that as for our family, we intend to serve the Lord. Our understanding has always been that we could serve the Lord better together than separately. </td></tr>
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<ul>
<li><b><u>Commitment to God and our marriage:</u></b> I have observed my husband reading his Bible each morning for 10 years. It matters. <b>The cumulative impact of years in the Word of God does make a difference. The edification process in which we become more sensitive to our own sin and more aware & able to do & be who God has called us to be</b>- There are no short cuts! It doesn't happen overnight, it's a lifelong process. The more light that goes in, the more the darkness goes out. We become less selfish. As a result we become better spouses, parents, friends and people. <b>We can only do this for ourselves.</b> A marriage cannot be held together when only one person is committed to it. <i>We know this well.</i> It takes both parties willing themselves to stay together, no matter what. A strong family cannot be built around the children, it must be built around the marriage. Our children are of utmost importance to us, but they will come & go and our marriage needs to be strong regardless of who else is under our roof.</li>
<li><b><u>Commitment to a better marriage:</u></b> Keeping our marriage together and being miserable was not the goal, although sometimes it has been the reality, for periods of time! We have not just wanted to stay married, <b>we have wanted a good marriage</b>, one that keeps improving with time, as we learn more about each other and ourselves and what works best for our marriage. We have not been satisfied with where we find ourselves. We want the best marriage we can have. This means we have to communicate about hurts, goals, obstacles and dreams. We have to be mold-able and willing to change.</li>
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<li><b><u>Individual Work</u></b>: Both Kevin & I have done a tremendous amount of hard, internal work as individuals. Or I could say, God has done His work in us. Truly. This is another thing that we cannot do for our spouse. We can only do it for ourselves. I am abundantly thankful that Kevin has done this and continues to do it. It's very hard and issues from childhood, our first marriages, regrets, sin problems, unmet expectations, our selfishness and problems in our marriage get dredged up and must be dealt with in a healthy way, in order for us to move forward as individuals and as a couple. I would say that this "individual work" also speaks to the above points: Being committed to God and a good marriage and spending time in the Word. Now, we have been to multiple marriage conferences and retreats. We have read marriage books, been to counseling and our Sunday School class is even for married people. I know these things have all been helpful, but <b>I credit the individual work we have done as one of the biggest reasons we are successful. </b></li>
<li><b><u>Humor!</u></b> This has been huge for me because by nature & nurture I am a rather serious person. Kevin has a great sense of humor. It has been a welcomed, needed & pleasant addition to our home life! I have come a long way in learning to laugh at myself and take myself less seriously. As a result I am more likely to overlook an offense. Humor and laughter have helped our family bond together. It helps with difficult & everyday situations. The power of humor cannot be underestimated! </li>
<li><b><u>Resilience & Flexibility:</u></b> This point alone could be a separate blog post. I have found it to be true that in life <b>you must change what you can and accept what you cannot change</b>. Making course-corrections are necessary. All marriages deal with unmet and unrealistic expectations, but these blow up in blended families! Couples are blindsided by pressures & dynamics of stepfamily living. We enter these marriages with ideas about what our family will be. Others tell us what we are supposed to be- we are told that blood doesn't matter and that the Brady Bunch is attainable. We think that our family will be different & that we won't deal with common stepfamily problems. We, like most couples, found ourselves without any idea of how to navigate the pitfalls and problems of our blended family. It became important that <b>we not get stuck</b> in these unrealistic expectations. We learned to name the issues and we found that what was mentionable was manageable. We could either stay down and give up or we could <b>adjust our mindset</b> and try again. We learned to compromise and then compromise some more. We learned together how to be more flexible and how to be resilient. Dying to self is painful but an important part of our growth.</li>
<li><b><u>Space:</u></b> My husband has given me space. I've had the freedom to pursue my interests and hobbies, to homeschool my children, to handle my children primarily as I have seen fit. He has not harped on every wrong thing I have done. He has let the Holy Spirit do His work in me to make me more like Christ. Of course Kevin has space to speak into my life. He doesn't shy away from calling me out when I need it. He has helped me parent my children. But he has not smothered me. I have been able to be myself. This has been very important. My home can now be a haven for me from the storms of life, from ex-spouses, from difficulties. Kevin also has the freedom to pursue his interests and hobbies.</li>
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<li><b><u>Shared Interests:</u></b> Kevin & I know how to have fun together. We like kayaking, hiking, biking, xc skiing, road trips, movies, walks, good food, camping, and lots of other things! We love having the kids along, in fact we prefer it. However, we've also had times each year of our marriage when we got away, just the two of us. Again, it's a strong marriage between us that will aid us having a strong family.</li>
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<li><b><u>Community:</u></b> I am unsure about putting this here because it seems so obvious. But I recognize that not everyone has the support of community. I have never had a time in my life when I did not have a church community and family to support, love, encourage, model, disciple me, so I'm sure I take it for granted. I cannot imagine going through the challenges of marriage, particularly blended family marriage- in isolation. We know we were made for community. We are mentally, spiritually and emotionally healthier when we live in community. I am thankful for our families, our churches, small groups, and especially the couples whom we have spent time with, who have been in our home and invited us into their homes, who have loved on us and encouraged our marriage.</li>
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<i>I found life & I found laughter</i></div>
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<i>in forgiveness, I found rest</i></div>
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<i>On the shoulders of redemption</i></div>
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<i>I found hope when hope was dead</i></div>
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<i>I could lose it in a moment</i></div>
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<i>So I dare not close my eyes</i></div>
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<i>I'll watch fear fall with the sunset</i></div>
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<i>And see hope rise with the tide</i></div>
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<i>And when the pain is true</i></div>
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<i>Sometimes these troubles prove that I'm alive</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>My eyes are open</i></div>
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<i>My heart is beating</i></div>
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<i>My lungs are full</i></div>
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<i>And my body's breathing</i></div>
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<i>I'm moving forward</i></div>
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<i>I found my freedom</i></div>
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<i>I found the life that gave me reason to live</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>As the dusty road now settles</i></div>
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<i>And I see what lay before</i></div>
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<i>Every tear that held a broken dream</i></div>
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<i>Is now shattered on the floor</i></div>
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<i>And now bursting forth in splendor</i></div>
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<i>Are the blossoms of second tries</i></div>
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<i>Because dreams that bear the mark of love</i></div>
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<i>Are dreams that never die</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>Sometimes, Life can feel so unkind</i></div>
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<i>Sorrow won't define me</i></div>
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<i>So just reminds my soul, my soul</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>My eyes are open</i></div>
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<i>My heart is beating</i></div>
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<i>My lungs are full</i></div>
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<i>And my body's breathing</i></div>
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<i>I'm moving forward</i></div>
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<i>I found my freedom</i></div>
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<i>I know this sorrow</i></div>
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<i>I know this heartache</i></div>
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<i>I know with fear comes a tragic heartbreak</i></div>
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<i>I'm moving forward</i></div>
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<i>I found my freedom</i></div>
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<i>I found a life that gave me reason to love</i></div>
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-Colony House</div>
Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-174468107110344332017-05-24T13:34:00.000-07:002017-05-24T13:34:16.214-07:00FAMILY- Life-Giving Love. My Gram Sjoberg's 1944 thoughts Today my mom handed me a paper entitled <i><u><b>"A Tribute to Ma and Dad 1944."</b></u></i> I read it immediately and my eyes welled up with tears as I was overcome with the deep security and impression that comes from <b>FAMILY</b>, so beautifully expressed by my grandmother.<br />
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My Gram was born 57 years before I was born, in 1918, nearly 100 years ago! She grew up on the same dead-end dirt road to Canada that I grew up on, seen in the above picture. I have many times pondered how well nearly all my great grandparents' descendants have done in life- my Gram and her siblings, the next generation which includes my mother, and my generation, and of course there's another generation now too. I primarily mean spiritually: Loving God and serving Him. <br />
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My Great Grandpa Smith, my grandmother's father, died when I was very young, so I know very little. However, pictures show a man with a sense of humor, and a man with enough innovation to allow his oldest daughter, Ruby, (my Gram!), to work in the fields some, which I believe was rather unusual! <br />
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My Great Grammie Smith lived long enough for me to remember walking to her house or being pulled in a sled there, and playing with a bucket of items while my mom visited with her.</div>
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What I have pondered is- <i>What was special?</i> What did they do, how did they parent, <i>how did they live,</i> what kind of example did they set to yield such great rewards in their children and grandchildren? </div>
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I believe that my Gram's own words, from 73 years ago, answer some of this for me:</div>
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[Set the scene in your mind of Thanksgiving 1944. June of 1944 had brought D-Day. It was an uncertain time for sure. My grandmother was 26 years old and had joined the WAVES.]</div>
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"One year ago today we assembled around the old family table to partake of the Harvest Feast which was a symbol of the heavenly blessing for the year. Now we are engaged in a task which has separated us and made it our lot to render thanks alone; and, only in spirit are we with the family circle.</div>
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It is a wonderful security to know that back home loved ones are thinking of us and praying for our care and safety. For our successes and advancements we do not completely take the credit. Rather Mother and Dad during the years of toil, care, and guidance have had a big part in molding the personality and building the character which has gone out to face a world filled with hatred, fear, and revenge. We must continue on, and we thank God for the foundation you, Mother and Dad, have laid.</div>
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So let us not be weary in well doing. By keeping the faith, in due time, may God see fit to bring us together once more where we can share joyfully or tearfully the accomplishments of the past, the fellowship of the present, and the possibilities of the future.</div>
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Thus may this Thanksgiving be remembered as a day for thanking our Lord that the family can stretch beyond the door-step, and the love found there can endure in spite of changes, time, and distance. Thank God, my home is just as complete in love, devotion, and sincerity as it was a year ago; only it is much more glorified in that it has proved these attributes to each of us individually.</div>
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May we each realize this bond which holds us together, may we seek to drink its fullness, and no matter what comes to us, life will not lose its savor nor the family its lifegiving love."</div>
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-18061226747847185732017-04-22T12:22:00.000-07:002017-04-22T12:22:15.747-07:00A Delightful Sampling of LifeThese past 2 weeks have been a <b>concentrated version of LIFE</b> for us!<br />
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In this short time period we have had a sampling of almost everything that I love and find joy in. The variety of experiences has made these past 2 weeks kind-of a microcosm of our lives, encapsulating in a small amount of time the characteristic delights and encounters that make up our lives, right down to the unfortunate "row" that my husband and I had a week ago! <br />
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Our family, our God, our interests, our strengths, have all swirled around us recently.<br />
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Some highlights:<br />
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<li>Easter! Celebrating our Savior's Resurrection is the culmination of our faith and joy! We prepared our hearts with God's Word and we attend our own church, Crosspoint Church, as well as my parents' church, EHBC. </li>
<li>2 of our does gave birth, giving us one kid each! The preciousness and miracle of new life never gets old.</li>
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<li>This has meant fresh, raw milk and I have enjoyed every part of that: Milking, cooking, making yogurt and soap and butter.</li>
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<li>The Great Outdoors. I believe that spending time in nature, in God's Creation, is healing for us. I love sharing these times with my family. Hiking, Cross-country skiing. Micah was camping last night! (Brrrr!!)</li>
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<li>Family Time! We've had our work & school to do, but we've had time together: Ice cream, games, movies, walks & talks. Time with all our children, our parents, and our nieces and nephew.</li>
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<li>We've had new accomplishments and favorite experiences: Micah joined the Boy Scouts! Micah went to MA for the History Bee. Micah shot a 500 lb wild boar! Kevin went skiing with a friend. Noelle volunteered at the Boys and Girls Club.</li>
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These past 2 weeks are such an example of me, to me, that they bring to mind:</div>
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<li>First and foremost- ALWAYS first and foremost: <i>Thank you, Jesus! For all the good things You do! </i>(-Keith Green)</li>
<li>How <b>we are uniquely made by God.</b> And whenever I start to think about that, <b>I also ponder if I am honoring the unique ways that God made my husband, my son, my daughter</b>, my mother, my friend... I am guessing <i>-just guessing!</i>- that not everyone would love milking twice a day- The act and the preparation and clean-up and the fact that it means one needs to be home every morning and every evening! I am guessing- <i>just guessing-</i> that not everyone <i>"comes alive" </i>on a hike!! It is a sincere, intentional goal, even mantra, of mine to honor the uniqueness of others, particularly my family, by not trying to pressure them to be or do what they were not made to be or do, as well as to help them discover and genuinely celebrate who God made them to be and their individual, unique desires, skills, gifts, and interests. </li>
<li><b>Comparison destroys contentment. </b> (-Heidi Roseman!) Why do I always come back to this one? Probably because it's a struggle for me. To be content. <i>(Oh, what I wouldn't do for 10 children!!!)</i> And to not compare! I don't intend to do it, but it happens. It helps to have a heart of gratitude: Thank you Jesus for what You have done! </li>
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-33305691816652620652017-03-10T14:44:00.003-08:002017-03-10T14:44:58.908-08:00A Meaningful Celebration of St. Patrick's Day! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I pretty much like to celebrate everything.<br />
Snow, losing teeth, baby animals, an accomplishment...<br />
and certainly, <b>holidays</b>!<br />
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However, <b>St. Patrick's Day</b> has not exactly been an <i>important</i> one for me. Clearly, Easter & Christmas are the best because of their religious significance. Others have a cultural base or a historical base that resonates with us. But St. Patrick's Day? <br />
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When I recently stated that I'm not Irish & feel no connection to this holiday, my father corrected me that I actually <u>do</u> have an Irish heritage. Even so, I am not connected to this holiday! <br />
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And yet we've done all the <i>regulars...</i><br />
~St. Patrick's Day <b>books</b> from the library, <i>(always about pots of gold & leprechauns).</i><br />
~<b>Reading</b> an online article about who <b>St. Patrick </b>actually was.<br />
<i>~</i>Wearing <b>GREEN</b>.<i> </i> <br />
~Making & eating real Irish <b>food</b> as well as St. Patrick's Day-themed food.<br />
~Making shamrock <b>crafts</b>.<br />
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Oh, and of course allowing my pre-teen daughter to <b>Irish step dance</b> at bars! You know, the <i>regular </i>stuff... <br />
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A couple of years ago, during my last year of homeschooling, when the kids were 11 & 13 years old, I wanted to go a little <b>deeper</b>. (No shocker there if you know me!) I was quite surprised to find very, <i>very</i> little in my research. There are many articles about St. Patrick & they all say variations of the same thing. There is information about the <b>symbolism</b> of St. Patrick's Day. And there are pictures of <b>green beer</b> & American St. Patrick's Day <b>parades</b> & frankly just not much else. <br />
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<b>No suggestions on how to have a <u>meaningful celebration of St. Patrick's Day</u>. </b><br />
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So I came up with a <b>missionary</b> theme for this St. Patrick's Day. It makes sense. St. Patrick was a missionary who converted many Irish people. <br />
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I purchased the book <u>St. Patrick: Pioneer Missionary to Ireland</u> by Michael J. McHugh and we read it aloud at Tea Time. Reading this book was a good resource for who St. Patrick was.<br />
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Taking the missionary theme a step further, I bought the kids each a missionary biography. They often like to read before bed. Micah read <u>Brother Andrew: God's Secret Agent </u> by Janet & Geoff Benge. Noelle read <u>David Livingstone: Africa's Trailblazer</u> by Janet & Geoff Benge. Biographies are powerful! YWAM Publishing has a long list of biographies in their "Christian Heroes: Then & Now" series. We have read a number of them and they are very good. We also love the missionary stories that CEF puts out.<br />
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If you choose to celebrate St. Patrick's Day from a missionary angle, there is no end to how you could do that! Write letters to missionaries. Pray for them. Send care packages. Learn about the missionaries that your church supports. Let your children choose a country, or a time period, or a profession, and see how that applies to missions. <i>(And don't forget to wear green and eat fun food too!)</i><br />
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-70547090956398308592017-01-31T18:10:00.003-08:002017-01-31T18:30:00.354-08:00Sabbath Rest: Not just for Kids and Christians. Small change with Big Benefits. Screen-Free Days. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
If I were asked for my <u><i>very</i></u> <b>TOP</b> parenting advice, asked what I have found to be the <u>most</u> helpful and effective, taking a "<b>Sabbath Rest</b>", or- "<b>Screen-Free Sunday</b>" would be in my top 3. </div>
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It's not just for kids. </div>
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The benefits are not exclusive to those who are Christians. </div>
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It doesn't have to be Sundays.</div>
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<u>Advice:</u> <b>Take one day a week and set it aside</b> as screen-free. Set it aside for<b> rest</b>. Set it for<b> family</b> & <b>friends</b> and <b>pursuing healthy habits & hobbies</b>. Set it aside to <b>focus on God</b>. A Sabbath Rest. A Screen-free Day.<br />
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This is far from a new concept. It is modeled in the Bible. We are told to "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy." (<i>Exodus 20:8</i>). (<i><u>Note</u>: I am not speaking of being legalistic about the Sabbath. I am not suggesting we cannot mow our lawns, hang laundry, or go to a store. Galatians 3:10 gives some insight into this.</i>)<br />
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I am suggesting, heartily, that it is worthwhile to <b><u>take approximately one day a week to REST</u></b>.<br />
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Personally I do not admire the habit of being busy. I do not strive to be pushed to the brink of exhaustion. I cherish adequate sleep. I have discovered all that is good about having a slowed-down lifestyle is amplified on the Sabbath Rest days.<br />
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Most students and parents love snow days! Students love them primarily because it means that they don't have to go to school. :) Students love them because it means they can be outside enjoying the fresh snowfall. My teenagers love them because it means they can sleep in and they will have more time for reading and relaxing. I love them because when they fall on the right day, I get to stay home and be with my family. <br />
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Taking a Sabbath Rest Day is like a snow day. It's a day when you don't do what you normally do, (go to school, go to work), and instead you take time for family, rest, and play. This practice has been a <b>true joy</b> for our family.<br />
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Spiritually speaking, taking one day out of every week to focus on the Lord helps us be less likely to drift. (Like church being a re-set.) More about that here: <a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2016/11/today-i-am-weary-of-people.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2016/11/today-i-am-weary-of-people.html</a><br />
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"<i>This spiritual rhythm indicates a clear love for God and His way of living and bears the fruit of relationships and health in the family</i>." -Brian & Angela Haynes in <u>Relentless Parenting</u>. <br />
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Spending one day a week for worship and Scriptures with the faith community as well as rest, play, and time with family is halfway done if you are already in the habit of <b>attending church</b> every Sunday. Our family regularly attends Sunday School, morning church and evening church. Attending these services and traveling back and forth take up the majority of our Sundays. The dialogue and discussion while driving as well as at the lunch table are usually lively and lengthy! We discuss what we have learned but also just about anything else that is on our minds!<br />
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**<u>But I did say that this isn't just for religious people.</u> It's not just for people who want to set aside a day of their week to primarily focus on God.<br />
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<b>I believe the principle of a Sabbath Rest and its benefits are applicable to <u>EVERYONE</u></b>.<br />
That is also why this is not just for kids. In fact, when we started doing Screen-Free Sundays we told the kids -<i>the truth</i>- that this is just as much for us as it is for them.<br />
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We often do a<b> family activity</b> together on our Sabbath Rest Day. We might go for a bike ride, kayak, or a walk. We might visit a museum. We usually are working on a book as a family, reading aloud. We play games. We might do a <b>service project</b> together, or even a group chore, such as piling firewood. We like to use our Sabbath Rest Day as a day to have <b>company</b> over for a meal. We are in no hurry to leave the table and we eat slowly, we talk and listen. We might take a walk with our company or play a game. Sometimes both! We might visit a neighbor or family or friends.<br />
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<b>It is counter-cultural to intentionally have a slow-paced day.</b> It is absolutely fighting upstream. But it's worth it! In our family, it makes a marked & noticeable difference.<br />
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<b>For us, a Sabbath Rest is heavily intertwined with the necessity that it be a screen-free day.</b><br />
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My personal observations about screen time, particularly individualized screen time which is usually social media on a personal device, but can include TV and movies too:<br />
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<li>Screen time can be a<b> time waster.</b> </li>
<li><b>Often if given the choice of a screen, we will take it.</b> Therefore we often choose not to engage in conversation. We choose not to pursue healthy habits & hobbies. We might not even sleep as much as we should.</li>
<li>Screen time can aid us in being <b>selfish</b>. No longer do we have to listen to the variety of songs the radio provides or what someone else in the room is listening to. We can put our ear buds in so that we only have to listen to what we want. </li>
<li>Screen time gives us <b>instant gratification</b>. There are very few things we have to wait for. </li>
<li>Social media can cause us to compare, <b>bringing discontentment and depression</b>. </li>
<li>Although a genuine relationship in real life can carry into social media, <b>social media should not take the place of face-to-face interactions and conversations.</b> </li>
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I <u>certainly</u> did not anticipate what a <b>parenting challenge</b> "Screen Time" would be. For years we had dial-up internet. Our three children PLAYED. A lot. They used their imaginations. They spent hours & hours in the woods, in the playhouse, role-playing, building Littlest Pet Shop worlds, and decorating Playmo-Merica! (<i>The part of the basement with all the Playmobil, a favorite toy!</i>) All three of them love to read. We play games as a family. We love to spend time outdoors. Sleep has always been a top priority. There was a time when our weekly screen time included Little House on the Prairie episodes on Saturday nights and one or two PBS shows during the week. <br />
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We are now <i>quite</i> removed from that time!<br />
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Personally I would not have given my children smart phones, which they both have. We are not unique in our blended family/ co-parenting struggles! However, looking at the positive: My children are learning responsible use of these devices while they are still in my home. It needs to be said that if I were not co-parenting, it is likely this would be easier.<br />
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<b>The difference I see on screen-free days is <u>HUGE</u></b>. Well worth it. Here are some benefits:<br />
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<li><b>We pursue healthy habits & hobbies.</b> This was my primarily purpose when we instituted screen-free days. What does that look like for us? We read more. We are outside more. We are more likely to take a nap. <b>I have observed a significant difference.</b> I go to bed earlier on screen-free days. Screen-free days give us a "forced freedom" to pursue learning a musical instrument, writing, baking, etc.</li>
<li>We are more <b>creative.</b> Or perhaps, we have time to be creative because we are not being constantly entertained and distracted. On a good day, we have time to be bored!</li>
<li>For one day a week we are putting a halt to the negative effects of screen time.</li>
<li>In putting aside the negative effects of screen time we are improving our social skills, our conversational skills, our<b> real-life relationships</b>.</li>
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I am not militant about Sabbath Rests and/or Screen-free Sundays.<br />
<b>Being inflexible & uncompromising may get me the outward behavior and adherence to rules that I desire, but it does nothing to keep my child's heart, which is far more precious than not looking at a screen for a day. </b><br />
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Yes, you may Snapchat for a minute so you don't lose your "streak". <i>(The things I never knew I would encounter!)</i><br />
Yes, if we required most of your Saturday- With chores or a conference or family time, you may have your screen on Sunday.<br />
Yes, if you need to, you may do homework on our Rest Day.<br />
Sometimes my husband needs to work on our Rest Day, particularly during hunting season.<br />
Usually I will allow 10 minutes at the end of the day for phones to be looked at and messages to be returned.<br />
<u>Often</u> we allow much more than that and plenty of weeks we don't quite have a Sabbath Rest or a Screen-Free Day. It happens. Often.<br />
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Maybe for your family it can't be Sunday. So choose another day. Maybe it can't be a whole day. Maybe for your family taking the first two hours of the evening, each day, will accomplish the same benefits. Maybe the thought of mutiny causes you to be too afraid to try it! Perhaps you can start out with one Sabbath Rest Day a month, or two Screen-Free Days a month.<br />
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Please know that I get flak. I get push-back. And yet, each picture placed in this blog post is from just this past year. My teenagers, too old to really 'play', have benefited greatly from restful, God-focused, screen-free days. As have I. And you can too! I<u> highly</u> recommend it! Not once -ever- have we regretted a Sabbath Rest or a Screen-free Day. Quite the opposite.<br />
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<br />Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-18667748365705035212017-01-28T08:38:00.002-08:002017-01-28T08:38:58.336-08:00Perspective <div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Were we ever somewhere else? You know, it's hard to say..." -</i>Shawn Colvin</div>
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The snow right now is just right so that even I can walk on top of it without falling through. So today I took my walk in our yard, walking around & around the house and by where the pumpkins grow and near Narnibithia, (our make-believe woodsy world) and across from the pasture and over the "slug rock". My intention was to pray over our home and our family. <b>Yet with each step I took the memories sprung forth and all I could do, with tears in my eyes, was thank the Lord and praise Him for His faithfulness</b>. </div>
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<b>Lord, thank You</b> for the wild strawberries & roses, family dinners on the porch, campfires, children playing on the lawn & digging in the dirt. Lord, thank you for our little road & healthy legs & bikes that work and for the 1,000 times we have gone for walks & bike rides. Lord thank you for Time: The time you have allowed me to be present & home & creating & soaking in memories. Lord, You have protected us and provided for us here. Lord, You are faithful, sovereign and good. </div>
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<u><b>We see what we choose to see.</b></u> Not long ago a walk around our 7 acres would not have brought praise to my lips, thankfulness to my mind and joy & peace to my heart. <i>It's the same yard.</i> But I would have walked by the clothesline and remembered a big blowout. I would have stood in the driveway as the bitterness crept in. </div>
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I am not denying the bad things. With my personality, it seems that I couldn't even if I wanted to! There has been genuine brokenness. Hurts that cut deep and regrets for what could or should have been. There still are devastating disappointments and we continue to live together as imperfect people in an imperfect world. <i>"There's bound to come some trouble... there's bound to come some tears up in our eyes.." (Rich Mullins).</i> That's what makes this change in perspective all the better- It is clearly from the Lord. There is truth in the idea of positive thinking. <i>"Whatever is true, whatever in honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (Philippians 4:8)</i> </div>
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A <b>New Perspective</b> started to creep in the day of my Gram's funeral. September, 2012. I walked around my grandparents' farm for the last time: All the parts that were packed with memories. <i>Packed</i>. I was sad for this chapter of life to come to an end. To my surprise the <i>"Glad that it happened"</i> overshadowed the <i>"Sad that it's over."</i> This does not come naturally to me, but the groundwork was laid with time to breathe, spiritual health and the warmth of family. As I walked through the apple orchard and fixed in my mind this beautiful barn & yellow house, my mind shifted toward our home. <b> Our beautiful home!!</b> I started to <i>stop mourning </i>my own 100-year-old yellow house on Pearl Street with its perfect bathrooms and how I could walk to parks & live in a neighborhood. I took the first baby steps toward <b>contentment</b> with my country, taxidermy home!! With fresh eyes I appreciated the amazing house-less view and the privacy we have. <br />
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There is hardly a square foot of this place that I do not have pleasant memories attached to. That is a gift! And it continues.<br />
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The wind and the waves are still present. (Matthew 14). I can still become frightened. But Jesus has his hand stretched out. I am learning to focus on Him and not on the wind & the waves. <br />
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-25010800391253297712016-11-11T13:31:00.001-08:002016-11-11T13:33:36.669-08:00Church!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today, I am weary of people. </div>
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I am weary of myself! </div>
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I am worn out not just by the political dialogue, I am irritated by my tenants and I am burdened by discord and I am discouraged by my own impatient responses to my husband and children.</div>
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I am so glad that Sunday is right around the corner. </div>
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Sunday School and corporate worship and the joy of serving.</div>
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There is no substitute for being in the house of the Lord with His people. </div>
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I have supportive friends and a loving family, but <b>the worship and fellowship with my fellow believers <u>re-sets</u> me each week</b>. I do not find even the needed, warm, instructive and accepting environment of a small group to be a <i>replacement</i> for weekly church.</div>
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Attending church isn't a Magic Pill. It's not even the heart of my Christianity- Christ is- and I have everything I need - My Bible, the Word of God- to know Him, love Him and serve Him, even if I never entered a church. Yes, it is true, as a rebellious teenager will sometimes shout: <i>"I don't have to go to church to be a Christian!"</i></div>
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Although it <i>is</i> community it is much more than community. Although it<i> is</i> instruction, opportunities for service, prayer, and praising God with worship songs, it is much more than these things. These things result in my heart feeling loved. These things result in my actions, thoughts, and words being challenged. These things result in conviction and change. These things result in motivating me to dig deeper into the Word, to love better, to serve differently. Regular church attendance helps me sync my life with what God wants for it. It creates a weekly "re-set".</div>
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I am 41 years old and I have likely attended 4,250 church services, plus approximately 2,000 Sunday School classes. Do I just have this habit because it is what I grew up doing, what I know to do? My answer is that I could not be more thankful that I grew up attending church and praise the Lord there has not been one part of my adult life when I have decided that I don't need it. </div>
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Many Millennials have opted out of regular church attendance, citing hypocrisy in the church, in part. They feel that church is not relevant to them, not necessary in their spiritual growth.</div>
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Now I could attend church weekly and have a heart of stone. <i>"Being in a barn doesn't make you a cow."</i> Like all things, <b>it is a matter of the heart.</b> I am not suggesting rigidity or church attendance as a measuring tool for godliness. </div>
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<b>But I will not disparage the humble habit of weekly church attendance. </b> I will not regard as inferior the small, basement Sunday School classrooms, smelling of vanilla wafers, with middle-aged women who open The Word and use flannelgraph boards. I will not lift up or put down the Biblically-sound megachurches with their concert-quality musicians and their cafes and catchy slogans. </div>
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These are the rooms where my faith was built and my mind and heart have been fed. And even after a difficult choice to change churches and even when I don't <i>quite</i> feel settled yet- <i>even after several years-</i> I feel loved and I am fed and <b>I love attending my church!</b> It is my weekly re-set. It is noticeable when we forsake the assembly and it is immeasurable when we don't. </div>
Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-82538033566873619492016-11-02T16:21:00.000-07:002016-11-02T16:21:35.332-07:00One for the Mamas! Some days are all glory and flowers. Hope & peace & joy & fulfillment. <br />
Some days are not!<br />
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Some days are carefully constructed "Thankful Trees".<br />
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Some days- The pumpkin sits with no words written on it.<br />
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Even though this was the plan:</div>
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Some days we adjust. And we throw our plans out the window. Because some days our children need remarkable crafts from us and devotions that inspire and activities that become catalyst for thought. And some days they need to be picked up early & they need a hug, some medicine, some essential oils & to be tucked in. And some days they need to see that we can change our plans because we need to rest, or they need to rest, or a neighbor needs us. </div>
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Mamas, one of the primary ways you are being salt & light in this world is by being a mama to these people you call children!! </div>
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And, oh to realize that it looks almost nothing like you thought it would, like you think it should, but that it <u>is</u> everything that it is supposed to be. </div>
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<span class="text Gal-6-9" id="en-NASB-29198">"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6.</span></div>
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<span class="text Gal-6-9" id="en-NASB-29198">"Perfect thankful trees are deceptive and thankful pumpkins are fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." -Proverbs 31. <i>Or something like that!!!</i></span></div>
Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-7402209570375514942016-10-25T13:39:00.002-07:002016-10-25T13:39:46.197-07:00Moms: We Can't Do It All!!! No question is worse to me than being asked,<br />
<i>"Have you been productive?"</i><br />
<i>"Have you had a productive day?"</i><br />
[cringe]<br />
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Well, what do you consider productive? <br />
Are you asking if my laundry is done, my dishes are done, my house is clean?<br />
Are you asking if all of these are done- at the same time!? <br />
Are you asking if I exercised & had my devotions?<br />
Why in the world are you asking me that? <br />
Maybe you are asking because I've shared that I struggle with balance & feeling frustrated when my house is messy. <br />
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Is it considered "productive" for me to sit in my car in the driveway for 45 minutes after I arrive home because this is the exact time that my teenager needs a listening ear? <br />
Is it "productive" for me to <u>REST</u>?<br />
Is it "productive" for me to rest, even if my house is still messy? Even if there is still more to do? <br />
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Like most moms I am really hardest on myself and it is with my self that I need to reconcile the reality that <u><b>I cannot have it all, I cannot do it all.</b></u> <br />
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Recently I mentioned to another mom that it was so much easier for me when I was homeschooling, (and working!). Now that I am working 5 days a week I find it very challenging if not impossible to find time to clean as much as I would like to. When I homeschooled we had adequate "family time" because we were together all the time and fitting that in came easily. Now, we look to weekends and evenings for family time, leaving me even less time for cleaning! I really appreciate how the mom responded. She said that she thinks it is harder to homeschool than to work, and reminded me that our personalities, preferences and giftings play strongly into which we find more rewarding or more challenging or more natural. This is very true. I am personally most satisfied when I get to spend lots of time with my family and lots of time at home. That's not true for everyone. <br />
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Today I took a day off work because I was desperate to "curb the crazy chaos" that is my house right now!! Why is my house a crazy, chaotic mess right now? Mostly because I can't have it all!! <br />
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I can't possibly work 5 days a week, drive 2.5 hours a day, make homemade meals, have goats & chickens, attend church on Sundays, enjoy my hobbies, invest in my marriage, spend time in the Word & in prayer, wash dishes & laundry, run errands, have a garden, spend time with friends & family AND have an immaculate house. <u><b>I just can't!</b></u> <br />
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Moms, <u><b>the first step is realizing that we cannot do everything.</b></u> <br />
We all know this in our heads. We all know that we can't, but then we go ahead and try to do it all anyway!! We secretly think that somehow we are different . We <u>can</u> do it all. Or just as wrong- we think that we <u>should</u> do it all.<br />
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<u><b>The second step is to prioritize.</b></u> <br />
Priorities often change with the seasons of life. Maybe you are taking a child to speech therapy three times a week and physical therapy three times a week and between that and all it means to have a baby and a two year old, you are exhausted! Maybe you are in an important stage of your career and right now your career needs more attention than you have had to give it in the past. Maybe you are in school. Maybe you are emotionally and/or physically exhausted from an illness, a difficulty, and most of your output goes to that, leaving little left for other things. <br />
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<b>What are your priorities for right now</b>, based on your personality, situation, preferences, etc? <br />
Maybe having a spotless house is non-negotiable for you, and you don't work outside of the house, and you can make that work. Great. Maybe making homemade meals isn't important at all to you. Don't stress about it- that's fine! Put your energies elsewhere. <br />
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<u>Comparison destroys contentment</u>. Don't compare your weakness to someone else's strengths. I personally will stay up all night making cake pops, knitting a sweater, scrapbooking, getting ready for a Field Day. Those types of things energize me and I enjoy them greatly. I am terrible at decorating. Not only am I lousy at it, I honestly don't really care. I don't even have curtains at my house. 20 windows in my house and only 2 have curtains. I just don't even think they matter!! But I could start feeling quite cruddy about myself if I thought I was supposed to- Celebrate holidays, (a strength of mine), AND be an awesome decorator. I'm not. I'm just not! God didn't make me that way!<br />
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So at this stage in my life my priorities are:<br />
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<li>Sending both my kids to Christian school. </li>
<li>Homesteading: Maple syrup, Gardens, Foraging, Dairy goats & chickens, etc.</li>
<li>Investing in my marriage.</li>
<li>Quality time with family.</li>
<li>Time with God. (Church, devotions, ministry.) </li>
<li>Hobbies. My hobbies are very good for my self-esteem. They are a creative outlet. </li>
</ul>
At this stage in my life, some non-negotiables are:<br />
<ul>
<li>We live a solid 30 minutes from school/ church.</li>
<li>I have allowed my child to get a job. My child does not have a license or a car. This means that either I'm going to make an extra round trip to home and back each day my child works OR I am going to stay in town to conserve gas/ money.</li>
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Moms, <u><b>step three is to look at your priorities, look at what must be done, and learn to let some things go.</b></u> And to not feel badly about that!!! Why don't we feel badly about this? Because, Moms, we cannot have it all! We cannot do everything! <u>It is impossible</u>. For <u>everyone</u>!! If I want my kids to be in a Christian school, the fact of the matter is that I am going to have to work 5 days/ week. So I can either submit to that or I can fight that, always feeling frustrated that I can't be home. If homesteading is important to me, than I can expect that the summer and fall are going to be a busy time for me, and that I will have even less time for extra things. If I am working so my kids can be in school and I am spending my early mornings and evenings canning food and weeding the garden and picking berries, (because I want to), and I decide to make a bunch of knitted gifts, (because I want to and I find it relaxing and a healthy hobby), and I decide to knit: 4 long infinity scarves & 7 baby hats & 3 winter hats & a baby sweater & several dishcloths all in less than 3 months, then- my goodness!!! Of course my house isn't as clean as I would like it to be!! (Yes, this has been my last three -<u>joyous</u>- months.)<br />
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Fourth: If we are not expecting ourselves to do it all, then we had better not be expecting other moms to do it all. [<u><b>Don't judge</b></u>.] We have ALL done it, so let's not pretend we haven't. We see how messy another mom's house is and at best we secretly judge. At worst, we tell someone else that their house is messy. We attend a child's birthday party and judge the store-bought cake. (We would never have bought a cake. Homemade- always.) In this case, we compare our strengths to someone else's weaknesses. <br />
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How about instead of judging- judging ourselves as well as judging other moms- we <u><b>offer acceptance.</b></u> That alone is often enough because it is not always offered!! Maybe we <u><b>offer help</b></u>! Maybe you love dying Easter eggs and making gingerbread houses and maybe your Mom Friend feels like she is supposed to want to do these things but she cannot-even-handle-the idea. Maybe you can dye eggs with her kids and make gingerbread houses with them and hey- maybe she will clean your bathroom!! <br />
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<u>Moms</u>, cut yourselves an ENORMOUS break. <br />
<u>Moms</u>, do not believe that you are supposed to be good at everything and do everything.<br />
<u>Moms</u>, evaluate and make adjustments when necessary, <i>(like taking a day off from work to get some cleaning done!)</i>. Try to shape your life so that it is working for you and the way that God made you and the current situation you are in. <br />
<u>Moms</u>, encourage other moms. <br />
<u>Moms</u>,<b> be productive in the manner that God has called you to for the hour of the day that you are in!!</b> And remember that not only is this different for each mom, it will be different for you too- depending on the day and the month and the year and the season! <br />
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As for me, it has been great to be home today!! Brings joy to my heart! <i>(Still had to drive 2 hours, but- time in the car with my kids is something I will never complain about!! But that is for another blog post!) </i> Even though haven't an immaculate house is not a high priority for me right now, having a decently clean one is, so it's been good to get closer to this goal! But even then, I took the time to write this post, (my creative outlet for today), as well as play a game at lunch time with my husband, (part of my quality family time for today.) <br />
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<br />Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-16931954615765842502016-07-31T17:11:00.001-07:002016-07-31T17:11:14.203-07:00Hard Realities and the Growth that Comes as a Result.Today I dropped my kids off with their dad. For the rest of the summer. They will come back <i>just</i> before school starts. We have a new custody arrangement, one of the results of a divorce modification which culminated in a trial nearly a year ago. Their dad asked for 8 weeks in the summer. I countered with 3 weeks. The judge decided on 5 weeks. This is the most time that they have ever spent with their dad, post-divorce.<br />
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I didn't have children to <i>not</i> spend time with them. It's unnatural. Sad. Hard.<br />
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My kids were 1.5 and 3.5 years old when their dad decided to leave. However, it wasn't until they were 2.5 and 4.5 that I had to drop them off at their dad's apartment for overnights. I am telling you~ That first time that I packed their little backpacks and drove across town and walked them up the stairs and drove away: <b>I thought I was going to die.</b> It was very, very hard. <br />
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Being divorced and having your kids go back and forth between homes is a <b>hard reality.</b> I have known today's extended visitation was coming, and I knew that it would be even more challenging because my daughter, Noelle, just arrived home 2 days ago from a month in Africa, only to turn around and leave again. I had a little cry/ release about the whole thing today.<br />
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But, if we as parents think this is hard, we can't even imagine how it feels for our kids. <b>The kids of divorce are always the losers.</b> All they want is to love their Dad and to love their Mom and to have their Mom & Dad be together and to be able to be with both parents at once. <b>Divorce crushes kids.</b> It's not just something that they have to deal with in their childhood, the pain is long-lasting and the effects go on for a lifetime. <br />
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When my husband told me that he was leaving, I remember calling my pastor and just crying. Naturally I was devastated for myself. My dream of a godly marriage and lots of children was ripped away. But that night I remember mostly talking to him about my kids. "<i>What about my kids??</i>", I wailed. Every single life event from then on was going to be different. Not to mention daily life. They would never again come home to a mom and a dad. <b>Just horrible.</b> <br />
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Now let me say, I am truly thankful for what I have. I have children- I am so thankful to God for that! I have had the privilege of spending a great deal of time with my children, (for a divorced parent.) I don't have to look far to see the pain from a lack of time with your child. For the past 2+ years, my husband, for years the primary caregiver for his daughter, has spent very little time with her. That is <u>very</u> painful. Raw. <br />
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So sometimes it's hard to be too sad about any part of my situation when comparatively, his is <u>much</u> harder. I have a friend who helped me with this perspective. At the time, her son & my daughter were both in physical therapy. Noelle had multiple speech therapy and physical therapy appointments a week, on top of neurologist appointments and issues with her asthma, allergies & eczema. <i>But-</i> My friend's son had severe issues. A feeding tube. Vomiting. Autism. Many more therapy and doctor appointments than Noelle and much harsher medical realities. When we hung out and my friend would ask about how Noelle was doing in therapy, I would say, "Oh goodness. We are fine! She is fine! She doesn't have a diagnosis! What we are experiencing is nothing compared to what you are experiencing!" My friend stopped me. She said that just because her "leg is amputated" doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when I break my leg, or stub my toe. What a friend! <br />
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So yes, sending my kids off for the rest of the summer is a <b>hard reality.</b><br />
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<i>However,</i> <b>everyone has hard realities.</b> Difficulties with health, finances, relationships. <b>Everyone.</b><br />
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<b>The treasure is that it is usually through these difficult times that we grow in our faith.</b> We draw closer to the Lord. My relationship with the Lord is absolutely, <u>without question</u> better and stronger because of the trials of my life. <br />
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I had to learn to let go. Funny, how we think we are keeping things in place or controlling anything at all!! That week, years ago, when my husband left, I remember one day very specifically. It was a Wednesday. My one year old and my three year old were playing in the living room and I sat on the couch all day long. "<i>What am I going to do?</i>" Oh, that cry out to God. The anguish. The Spirit interceding for me with groanings too deep for words. (Romans 8:26). "<i>Well, God, you are going to have to figure this out.</i>" It was a release of control. It was a spiritually significant day in my faith journey. And as my mom said, "That's how God wants us to always be! Not just in crisis, but all the time. Letting go of trying to control our lives. Releasing them and yielding to the Father." <br />
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So, <b>in hard realities we can be thankful that they are catalysts for growth.</b> Maybe you didn't grow up in a Christian home. Maybe your husband doesn't lead you spiritually. Maybe infertility has left you in a state of grief. Maybe you are caring for an elderly parent and the struggle is very real.<br />
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I am so thankful that God<span class="text 2Cor-12-9" id="en-NASB-29032"> has said to me, <span class="woj">“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”</span> Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-12-10" id="en-NASB-29033">Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10.)</span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-34-18" id="en-NASB-14407">"The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is near to the brokenhearted a</span><span class="text Ps-34-18">nd saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18. The Bible is full of comfort for us. Also, God can use anything that is meant for evil against us, for good. (Genesis 50:20). </span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-34-18">Whatever our situation, it is important to <b>come to an acceptance </b>of it. Definitely change the things you can, but accept what you cannot. Acceptance has been a big part of my spiritual journey. </span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-34-18">My daughter has asthma. She is, of course, wise to be knowledgeable about asthma. To be aware of her triggers. To take her medication and follow expert advice. It would be unwise to act as though she didn't have asthma- To try to climb a mountain without an inhaler, to push the limits. My daughter has to have an acceptance that she has asthma and this may limit her in a few things. </span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-34-18"></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-34-18">We all have to accept our limitations and not endlessly struggle against them. Certain stages of life limit us. Health problems can limit us. The acceptance that <i>this is my situation</i> and <i>I need to live within these confines </i>helps me to move on and <u>LIVE!</u> To be intentional with what I have. To be thankful! </span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-34-18">And the <b>peace</b>! Oh, the peace. God tells us that we have access to a peace, a peace of God that <b>surpasses all comprehension</b>, guarding our minds and hearts!! (Philippians 4:7) Wow! </span><br />
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<span class="text Ps-34-18">And then we can say: </span><br />"....Blessed Be Your name. When I'm found in the desert place.<br />Though I walk through the wilderness. Blessed Be Your name.<br />
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise.<br />When the darkness closes in, Lord, Still I will say-<br />
Blessed be the name of the Lord...<br />
Blessed be Your name On the road marked with suffering. <br />
Though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name.<br />
...You give and take away, My heart will choose to say<br />
Lord, blessed be Your name." (Matt Redman.)
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Is it a <b>hard reality</b>? Oh yes indeed.</div>
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But God provides growth and acceptance.</div>
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<b>I hold my children with an open hand.</b> They are God's kids, not mine, and it's easy to forget that. Sharing my kids with my ex-husband helps me to remember that. </div>
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-47607461357120698482016-07-25T05:17:00.004-07:002016-07-25T05:17:53.044-07:00Transitioning from School to Homeschooling and from Homeschooling to School <u>Here is our schooling history:</u><br />
Noelle, currently 15 years old, attended 1/2 day Kindergarten at a Christian school, as well as grades 1-2. She homeschooled for 6 years and has just completed grade 9 at a public school.<br />
Micah, currently 13 years old, attended 1/2 day Kindergarten at a Christian school, homeschooled for 6 years and has just completed grade 7 at a Christian school. <br />
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When transitioning <i>out</i> of a schooling context, parents need to remember that their children can't imagine school as anything other than what they have experienced at school. (And we all know that "doing school at home" pretty much misses the whole point of the flexibility & freedom that homeschooling brings!). The children, and maybe even the parents, have a <i>schooling</i> mindset. Children who have been schooled cannot fully see the pros and cons of homeschooling because they haven't experienced it. I would say that is true to a lesser degree of going from homeschooling to school. <br />
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When we transitioned from <u>School to Homeschooling</u>, my kiddos were young: They had just turned 6 & 8 years old. However, I believe my advice for this transition works regardless of age. <b>Ask your kids what they think they are going to miss about going to school. </b> If possible, try to re-create that for the homeschool setting. <br />
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My kids said that they were going to miss the "special days": 100 Day of School, Valentine's Day parties, and Field Day. This is why we hosted our own Valentine's Day parties for homeschoolers:<br />
<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/02/annual-valentines-day-parties-special.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/02/annual-valentines-day-parties-special.html</a><br />
And this is why we hosted our own Homeschool Field Days:<br />
<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/05/annual-homeschool-field-day-home.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/05/annual-homeschool-field-day-home.html</a><br />
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Additionally, in your <u>school to homeschooling</u> transition, if your curriculum and the level of your students allows for this freedom, <b>let your children choose some of the subjects they want to learn about.</b> Perhaps a unit study in Science & a unit study in Social Studies of their choice. Let them choose books that they want to read. This will be fun for your children and it will also begin growing in them the philosophy of child-directed learning. No matter what your homeschooling style, having students engaged & invested in their own education is one of the biggest goals, outcomes, and advantages of homeschooling. <br />
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The <u>Homeschooling to School transition</u> is of course fresher in my mind, as just a year ago we were going through this transition. Many homeschool parents, myself included, always worry about their weaknesses, the perceived & actual areas that their children are "behind" in. Homeschooling has <u><i>SO</i></u> many options for curriculum, co-ops and classes, that a homeschooling parent always wishes that they had more time & could cover more material. I certainly felt that way! I was hard on myself because of the areas where I felt I should/ could be doing better & more. I did not give myself enough credit for the areas where we were doing really well. <br />
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We looked at homeschooling one year at a time. My goal was always that should the children need to, they could easily fit back into their academics at grade level, at school. However, as year after year of homeschooling rolls by, it can make you a little worried, wondering if they will be able to "do school" well at the appropriate level.<br />
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I have two very different children, with very different areas & levels of abilities, and let me just say: They did <u><i>JUST</i> fine</u> academically going back to school. So take a deep breath and be encouraged.<br />
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Let me start with what I would NOT do. If I can lay aside the wishes that we had done more of "x" or learned more in the subject of "y", then I can honestly say: I would not change much at all. I would not get up earlier and have long days so that they could "know what school is like." I would not choose methods of teaching & subject matter that they are not engaged in so that they would know what it is like in "real" school. I would not put time limits on their tests. I would not refuse to allow more reading time. <b>Let the benefits of homeschooling be</b>, whether you are transitioning to school or not. The children did not have a hard time transitioning to a school day, getting up early, needing to be prepared with their books & pencils, having a limited time to take tests, etc. <b>What a shame it would have been if I had tried to incorporate these "school" ways of life into our homeschooling, in an attempt to prepare them for school.</b> <br />
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One thing that both of my children really missed after transitioning to school was <b>time to read.</b> During homeschooling my children had the time to read HUNDREDS of books. Upon beginning school, they simply did not have time to do anywhere near the amount of reading they had been accustomed to during homeschooling. I guess we can look at that as one of those, "Don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened" type of things. Homeschooling provided years of reading for us. Now Noelle and Micah have in them the desire & love of reading, even if they don't get to do it as often or as much as they would like. <br />
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Also, this is a reminder when you transition from <u>homeschooling to schooling </u>to <b>try not to over-schedule the weekends.</b> This is hard for me personally. I want to volunteer and go to fairs and plays. When you are homeschooling, you can take advantage of every opportunity that weekends bring, because you know that you can just take a day off during the week, or adjust your schedule in some other way. Once your kids are in a school setting, they are truly going to need the break during the weekends. They will probably need to sleep and the weekends are also their time to see friends and pursue the hobbies they are interested in. <br />
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Even at the end of their first year back in school, both children, in public and Christian schools, remained <b>stunned and disappointed in how mean some people can be.</b> One said recently that they wished I had prepared them for how unkind and cruel other kids can be. <br />
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Homeschooling today is certainly as social an experience as you want to make it. My kids have always been involved with church, they took dance classes, participated in bookclubs and other extracurricular activities, volunteered in their community, and played in some sports. They were used to hanging around people of all types. However in going to school they noticed & experienced what can happen at school, a place where kids who are the same age spend a lot of time together: Kids pick on differences. They apply pressure that only certain clothes, shoes, cars, haircuts and music should be liked. <br />
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I don't think that we can or should avoid the pain that people can bring into our lives, but I point it out because it is something both of my children experienced and mentioned multiple times this past year. So there are some life lessons to apply here. <span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." (Romans 12:18). I tell my kids that they will experience difficulties with people everywhere they go, for the rest of their lives! The family they marry into, the family they are born into, the people they work with, the people they live with, the people they go to church with- It's a fact of life and a life skill to learn to work with people, <u>and</u> to learn to know when to walk away and choose not to work with someone. </span><br />
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<span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264"><b>Let your children lead</b>, (they've gotten used to that through homeschooling and child-directed interests), <b>in the are of extra-curricular activities</b>. Both of my children chose to stop taking dance classes once they began school. This was a little disappointing to me, however they both felt it would be too much to adjust to school and take several dance classes a week. </span><br />
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<span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">Noelle had been doing plays & musicals as a homeschooler and she was excited to continue that in the school setting. She did a fall school musical and a community play in the fall, quickly followed by a winter one-act play competition and not too long after that, followed by the Young Curators program. We decided that two productions in the fall is too much! So we decided together that we will not make that same mistake this next year! </span><br />
<span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264"><br /></span>
<span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">One thing that has stuck out and been obvious to their teachers is that <b>my children are engaged in their education.</b> Particularly compared to their schooled peers. I know that comes from years of homeschooling. I received a lot of feedback from Noelle's teachers about her. Here are some snippets:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">"In class Noelle is always focused and attentive... Noelle expresses her understanding with a smile and a nod of her head. I know she's new to public education but it's clear she's learned to think for herself and to act responsibly and independently. These habits will be very beneficial as she progresses through public education, although they may seem a little out-of-the-ordinary at this time. Many of Noelle's classmates have learned through the 'middle school philosophy' which at least from my observations, emphasizes 'self-esteem' over solid, academic accomplishment and learning.... I like the model she sets for her classmates as an active and self-reliant learner."</span></li>
<li><span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">"You have been, from the moment I met you, one of the kindest, most present, young adults I have ever met. You are both intelligent and articulate and your ability to step up and get the conversation going is an invaluable tool in group work and in life."</span></li>
<li><span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">"It has been easy to work with Noelle this year. She understands that her teachers are here to help her change and grow. I'm sure she has told you that working with some of our students is a real challenge..."</span></li>
<li><span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">"Thanks to you for raising such an interesting, hard-working and selfless daughter!" </span></li>
<li><span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264">"</span>It has been an absolute pleasure to have Noelle in class; she's truly an exceptional student..."</li>
</ul>
At the end of the year, even Noelle's friends had some surprising things to say to her:<br />
<ul>
<li>"..You're truly an inspiration! I wish there could be more people as thoughtful and selfless as you!"</li>
<li>"..You're someone I can rely on and look up to..."</li>
<li>(And an actual letter from a high school friend): "I can't express enough how happy I am to have met you this year. Ever since, you have been nothing but kind, caring, funny, and an all around happy person. Your inner drive to help others truly inspires me every day to want to become a better person... I remember one time we were walking at school and you noticed a piece of trash on the floor and without hesitation you picked it up and did the right thing. Anyone else would have just glanced over and kept walking. By you doing that small act tells a lot about your character and I'm glad to call you my friend!.."</li>
</ul>
I did receive a few comments about Micah as well:<br />
<ul>
<li>"He is a patient friend and sees all of those around him equally and as friends.... His ability to adjust to changes and his willingness to try new things. Micah is a learner and loves the interesting facts he finds in the material covered in his classes. He is a strong, quiet leader in the classroom..."</li>
<li>"He is a hard worker & dedicated learner in the classroom. Micah is a hands-on learner that has an innate ability to apply what he is learning to real life situations."</li>
<li>"He is a great student to have; and he has lots of knowledge."</li>
<li>(And what every former homeschooling parent wants to hear:) "Your kids are awesome, very normal in the right ways and different in ways that make them more mature than some of their peers." </li>
</ul>
I include these comments to illustrate that that the important parts about school aren't always about "school" at all. They are about <b>character and impacting people.</b> Knowing how to get information and being driven to do well, from your own inside, not from someone trying to "make you get it" from the outside-in. <br />
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When our previously-homeschooled kids transition to school, they are <b>ambassadors for homeschooling</b>, especially in the public school. Administrators, teachers, and students may have preconceived notions of what homeschoolers are like. Our kids have an opportunity to really shine. And, if the children are Christians, as mine are, they have an <b>opportunity to shine for Christ:</b> Whether they are in public or Christian school- to their teachers and other students. <br />
<span class="text Rom-12-18" id="en-NASB-28264"><br /></span>Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-16154072370613477982016-07-10T16:54:00.003-07:002016-07-10T16:54:52.404-07:00[The Power of] Family Warmth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This past week is the first time I have heard the term "<b>family warmth</b>". <br />
I was listening to the radio program, Family Life Today. The guest was Dr. Kara E. Powell, author of <u>Sticky Faith</u>. She was talking about a subject dear to my heart: Young people "leaving" the faith, drifting from the church, and research that indicates what is particularly effective at building long-term faith.<br />
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Dr. Powell spoke of research done by Vern Bankston, studying over 300 families over a time span of 35 years. More than anything else that families did, <b>it was the family warmth that most correlated, most related to the
children adopting the faith</b> than anything else. More important than
time together. Most important in a "sticky faith" is that the kids feel like the parents want to be around
them and truly enjoy them. <b>Family Warmth.</b> That the kids know that not only do their parents love them, they like them, whether they are in the highest high or the lowest low. <br />
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<b>The Power of Family Warmth.</b><br />
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I had never heard it put like that before, and I have been turning that over in my head since I heard it. <br />
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This is not a new subject to me. Years ago I delved in to the research about what seems to make a difference in passing on our faith, helping create a "faith that sticks" in our children. I learned particularly from Brian Haynes & Mark Holmen. I learned & implemented. Learned & implemented. There are no guarantees. Each of us gets to choose if we are going to follow God or not. But I desire to do my best to honor the Lord with my parenting and to do all I can to help my children choose Jesus. I already knew that family devotions were important. <br />
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I already knew what Diana Garland discovered, that <b>families serving together has special generative power!</b> We've experienced that in our own family. One of the best things we have ever done for our family is to serve a meal at Manna, once a week, for over a year. The children were approximately 7, 9 & 11 years old when we did this. <br />
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In this same broadcast, I learned that it's not so much how close parents feel to children
that matters, it's how close the child feels to the parent. Not about what we think as adults, but about what kids are perceiving and experiencing.<br />
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<b>Are our kids experiencing family warmth? </b> Do they know that we like them, that we enjoy them, that we want to be around them? <br />
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I would think that the power of family warmth not only affects <b>long-term faith</b>, but also the <b>emotional well-being</b> of a child. <br />
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My children recently spent a week out of state with their dad and his family because their dad got married. They have one uncle & aunt & two cousins on their dad's side and it was a treat to spend time with them. One thing that my daughter told me when she got home was that when she gets married she wants to have a family like her aunt & uncle. Their adult children want to spend time with them. They do a lot of things together. They laugh a lot together. Then she added, "Kind-of like us!"<br />
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<b>Family Warmth.</b> My thoughts led me to ask, <b>what family do I know that exemplifies "family warmth?</b>" This was a bit tough because I know a lot of wonderful families, including mine. One family immediately came to mind: My Grampie & Grammie Boone. Now, they were not actually related to me, but that's what I called them and they really were like grandparents to me. I spent a lot of time in their home when I was a child, and even had frequent visits as an adult. I certainly had opportunity to be in their home when some of their adult children & grandchildren were there and it still rings true: Their family had family warmth. How? I'm not sure I can nail it down. They were of humble means. What about them made me enjoy being there? In fact, I don't ever remember one time when I felt unwanted or didn't really want to go to their house. <br />
<ol>
<li>So I guess that is one reason. <b>I was wanted.</b> By the time I was a child, they were basically retired & at home. They had the time to sit and talk. No one was rushed. They cared about my life. I wasn't, however, the focal point, the center of attention. I am sure most of my time there was spent in a corner, maybe reading comic books, eating barley candy, going outside and walking on stilts, or just sitting there while the adults talked. <i>(Added bonus: Research shows the importance of inter-generational relationships. Hugely important.)</i></li>
<li>Secondly, and this is a big one: <b>Sense of humor.</b> The Boones had a great sense of humor. We laughed a lot at their house. The times I have been with them when their family has been with them, they laughed more than anyone I knew! It was a long-to-learn lesson for me, but laughter and a sense of humor has probably been the #1 thing that has "saved" my marriage, elevated my marriage. Learning to laugh at myself. Not take things so seriously. HUGE. </li>
</ol>
So, Family Warmth. You know it when you see it. This past week included the 4th of July. I spent as much time as I could squeeze in with my parents, my brothers, my nephews, my niece, my uncles & aunts & cousins & their children. I feel family warmth with my Sjoberg family. I see the security it brings to the children. <br />
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My thoughts have led me to examine what our little family does to create family warmth. Our favorite <b>family activities have created family warmth</b>, but it strikes me that we have also had bad experiences with every single one of those activities. <br />
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We have played games together in a way that was fun & memorable. Just a few weeks ago we were camping & we played "Catch Phrase". As we were playing the batteries started dying & the voice that says, "Team one has 1 point..." sounded so funny that we couldn't stop laughing!! We have had other times when we did the same activity and it was the opposite of family warmth!! Same with everything we do: Bike rides & walks & camping & fires in the backyard. Some of these memories are amazing & others are frankly terrible. This tells me that it's not really the activity that creates family warmth. The activity can be a vehicle to help with family warmth, but really only is successful when the parents are setting the tone, are peaceful, are quick to forgive & ready to laugh. <br />
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It is of course <u>much</u> harder for blended families to create family warmth! Oy vey! Loyalty conflicts & differing schedules & interference from ex-spouses. It's a tall order! But- Not too tall for God.<br />
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Without a doubt, homeschooling my children for 6 years helped us create family warmth. <br />
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<b>Family warmth may be</b> my son knowing that he is <b>free to say anything</b>. Anything! (Because he is secure.) So when he tells his chubby mom that, "at least if a boulder were to hit your belly you would be well-protected" (!!) he knows that there will be no backlash. That we can laugh at what he thought was a true compliment!! <br />
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<b>Family warmth may be</b> the knowledge a child has that their parent is going to <b>listen</b> to them, truly listen, and be willing to change the plan, change the course, change the schedule, to meet the child's need.<br />
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<b>Family warmth may be</b> watching The Middle every Thursday night, (as we do). It may be Movie & pizza nights & after-supper walks. It may be shared activities like games & canoeing & hiking & camping.<br />
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<b>Family warmth definitely is:</b> Laughter. Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Flexibility. Belonging. <br />
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If our kids don't feel that they are liked, if they don't feel like they belong, why would they ever want to spend time with us & want to adopt our faith system as their own? <br />
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I have a lot more thinking to do about "family warmth". I think we are doing well, but I see some areas for improvement and I am praying about how to do better. <br />
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-9729361669965520822016-05-20T06:01:00.002-07:002016-05-20T06:07:31.525-07:00Annual Matagamon Fishing Trip with the Booker Boys!<div style="text-align: center;">
"<i>God loves to talk to little boys while they're fishin'</i></div>
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<i>That seems to be the time boys listen best.</i></div>
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<i>It's the only quiet time there is for wishin'</i></div>
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<i>It's the only time when God and boys can rest</i>." -Gaither</div>
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7 years ago, in <b>2010</b>, my husband decided to take 5-year old Micah on a <b>fishing trip!</b> He invited his friend, Kevin Booker & his two boys, K & J. Micah caught a 12" trout in Pleasant Lake that year! <i>My</i> Kevin & Micah spent one night sleeping in the truck & one night camping with the Bookers. <b>A tradition was born!</b></div>
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Traditions & relationships are reinforced as each year passes & we build year upon year of.. </div>
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... Ice Fishing Weekends:</div>
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<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/01/creating-special-maine-post-family-post.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/01/creating-special-maine-post-family-post.html</a></div>
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... Labor Day Weekend camp-outs:</div>
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<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-family-table-labor-day-weekend.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-family-table-labor-day-weekend.html</a></div>
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Or even the ones that have now ceased, but gave us 6 years of memories and fun, like Valentine's Day parties:</div>
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<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/02/annual-valentines-day-parties-special.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/02/annual-valentines-day-parties-special.html</a></div>
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And Homeschool Field Days:</div>
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<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/05/annual-homeschool-field-day-home.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/05/annual-homeschool-field-day-home.html</a></div>
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Yearly traditions become hooks to hang our hats on. Stories to tell for a lifetime. Memories to cherish. Yearly traditions are like regular, warm, family times- on steroids!</div>
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And so it has become. </div>
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Sometimes in May and sometimes in June, an extremely tightly-packed vehicle with now 4 boys & 2 men & boots, lures & poles, marshmallows & glow sticks, bug spray & sleeping bags- Heads from Carmel, Maine to Matagamon Wilderness Campground. No cell phone coverage. Time available for fishing & bonding!</div>
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So far, 2 "stories to tell for a lifetime" stick out:</div>
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1. <b><u>The Epic Vomit of 2014!!!</u></b></div>
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Poor Micah. His precious belly can't handle the combination of lack of sleep and too many sweets! In the middle of the night he woke <i>my</i> Kevin up to tell him that he had thrown up. Oh, had he! <u>ALL</u> over his friend, K. All over his sleeping bag & pillow & his hair!!! I'm not sure of the exact details, but I think Kevin's response went something like this: "It's the middle of the night! We all need to sleep! If I wake Kevin up, we're going to have to all get up.... I think I'll just clean Micah up & we'll wait til morning. (Morning arrives.) K wakes up wondering what the sticky, stinky, thick substance is- In his hair, on his bedding! I can't say for sure, but I think there might have been some burning of pillow cases!! I don't know if the Bookers have brought supplies for campfire eclairs since!!</div>
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2. <u><b>Camping with Pneumonia</b></u></div>
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Kevin is a trooper. 2011 was only the 2nd year of this Fishing Expedition tradition. And boy, was he sick! He had pneumonia, but he thought he could do it. And he did. Barely. He was terribly sick the whole time and what-do-you-know, he literally had a heart attack within hours of returning home, due to the stress & lack of oxygen from the pneumonia. (True story. His ticker is fine. They even checked!) So I daresay the moral of this story might be that our bodies have limits & maybe camping & fishing when you are very sick isn't a great idea!</div>
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It kind-of kills this picture-taking, picture-loving mama that I have very few pictures of these fishing trips!! However, as you can see, Kevin has given me some good ones! (And a couple of these I stole from the Booker mama!) </div>
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These boys get <b>GRUBBY!</b> They build fires & play in the dirt & buy treats at the store & go tubing & giggle at night & have glorious, screen-free, free-range, outdoor, Daddy-son-friend fun! </div>
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Fishing teaches the boys respect: Respect for other fisherman, respect for the rules, respect for the environment. Fishing teaches the boys patience!</div>
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And you know what? Although the Booker boys are quite hard-core fisherman, Micah isn't truly <i>that</i> 'into' fishing! Although he does love to eat the fish! </div>
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<u>But here's the secret:</u> <i><b>It's not really about the fishing- </b></i>We all know that, right!?</div>
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Here is a blog post that my friend, Amy, (of the Bookers), wrote about these fishing trips:</div>
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<a href="http://thebookerblog.blogspot.com/2014/06/boy-camping.html">http://thebookerblog.blogspot.com/2014/06/boy-camping.html</a></div>
Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-47545540839561461462016-05-15T13:27:00.004-07:002016-05-15T13:27:43.113-07:006 Ways to Encourage & Help a Blended FamilyKevin & I are nearly 9 years into blended family life! We are <u>not</u> the Brady Bunch! But we have gained some wisdom, and as blended family expert, Ron Deal says, we have wandered in the desert looking for the Promised Land! <br />
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Although I have been a single mom, I have been through a divorce, and continue to experience the struggles of co-parenting, this post is specifically about:<br />
<u><b>H</b><b>ow to encourage & help, (but not hurt!) a blended family. </b></u><br />
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Keep in mind that blended families come in all varieties. However, they all are in existence as a result of loss. Personally, our blended marriage came about as a result of divorce, not death. I brought into our marriage two children, who were 4 & 6 years old at the time. My husband brought into our marriage a 7 year old daughter, who primarily lived with him, and a 13 year old step-daughter from his first marriage. My experiences and therefore advice has been shaped by these factors.<br />
<br /><u><b>1. Bless Their Marriage:</b></u><br />
<i> Any</i>thing that you can do that will benefit the marriage of a husband & wife who are leading a blended family is helpful. Approximately 7 out of 10 second marriages will end in divorce. A marriage in a blended family is under <u>tremendous</u> pressure. The Biblical plan for marriage is for two to become one. This is very hard to accomplish when you are trying to blend two families, and you have entered your marriage as already-functioning, separate units. Blended families are everywhere, including in the church, and yet they are one of the most under-served populations in the church. Trust me: They want & need help!<br />
Pay for counseling. Pay for a marriage retreat or conference. Babysit for free so that the parents can attend these marriage-builders. <br />
Be a sounding board & a listening ear, but do not damage the marriage by feeding what is bound to come up: Discontentment, disillusionment, a desire to leave. The decision has been made. The marriage has happened. Feed that! Be supportive, but only offer Biblically sound advice. Affirm the marriage.<br />
Support individual health. Support hobbies and healthy outlets. For me, my farm animals,
gardening, foraging, hiking, scrapbooking & knitting are all healthy
outlets for me. Most of these things I do alone. So they are not
marriage builders in the sense that Kevin & I are directly receiving
benefit from them. But I would say that we do indirectly receive
benefits from them. A healthier, happier Wife & Mom means a better
home and a better blended family, and a better marriage.<br /> So, invite that husband fishing. Take that wife out to coffee. Offer to pay for a scrapbooking retreat or a fly tying class.<br />
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<u><b>2. ALL of the children are part of the blended family:</b></u><br />
Particularly if the blended family has children of somewhat similar ages and if those children do live, at least some of the time, in the blended family unit, then they need to be considered part of the unit. <u><b>This means:</b></u> Grandparents, aunts & uncles & close family friends: <b>If you buy a present</b> for 'your' grandchildren, 'your' niece, 'your' nephew, <b>you need to do the same for their step-sibling.</b> (Generally speaking.) <br />
Obviously I am not speaking of the parents & siblings of the divorced spouse who is not in the blended family. I would never have expected my former mother-in-law, grandma to my two kids, to buy my stepdaughter gifts. She actually did sometimes, which just demonstrates how amazing she is! However, that sort-of understanding is not typical and certainly not something that should be expected.<br />
However, if your adult child has chosen to get married and now has a blended family, you have gained a new grandchild. There are exceptions to this rule. If the children are older, if the children do not spend time in the blended family unit, if there is an estrangement. <br />
If you want to support the blended family, and especially support the marriage, you will do this! <b>Anything that draws a line down the middle of a blended family and separates the family into original units, (parent with biological kids pitted again parent with biological kids), is toxic.</b> Blended families are having a difficult enough time already. By favoring your biological grandchild or nephew or niece you are creating another pit for them to fall into, another mountain for them to climb, another issue to have to work through. Please don't!<br />
This is not to say that you cannot do special things sometimes with your biological or 'original' grandchild! Use wisdom, discretion and balance. Get permission from the man or woman who are leading this blended family. I would suggest that sometimes it is a good & positive thing to keep some one-on-one 'original family' time for not just parent & child but also with the extended family. <br />
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<u><b>3. Money, money, money:</b></u> <br />
Blended families are often more financially strapped than original, intact families. A divorced parent may have had to sell their home, take on a second mortgage, and/or give a large pay-out to their ex-spouse. Other common financial burdens are court costs, child support, and increased gas money spent to transport children to & from their home. Gas cards, groceries, and gifts of money are very helpful.<br />
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<b><u>4. Practical Helps:</u></b> <br />
When a person is in crisis, perhaps with cancer or grief or yes- in a blended family, a lot of emotional & mental energy is being used toward issues. There are problems to solve, situations to explain, hard, <u>very</u> hard disagreements to work through between husband & wife, all while doing the everyday things that life requires: working, parenting, ministering, cleaning, cooking, etc.<br />
<b><i>Any</i>thing that you can do to alleviate pressures, reduce stress, free up time, will help and be appreciated.</b> Offer to transport the children to school or activities, make meals, babysit the children, help clean, attend court for the inevitable divorce decree modifications.<br />
Many blended families begin the marriage with too much stuff! When blending two households you end up with two of everything! It's overwhelming! Often one family is moving into the home of the other, and every place- every closet, every room, every drawer, already has stuff in it! I know this happened to me! <i>(Disclosure: 9 years into our marriage & there are still drawers, cupboards, and places in our home that I have not touched! Whatever was in them when I moved here, remains in them!) </i> If I had it to do over again, I would get help so that beginning even 2-3 months before the marriage, much of this stuff that belonged to our two households would be weeded out. So- Offer to help with this! Help by running boxes to donation sites or helping with a yard sale.<br />
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<u><b>5. Prayer:</b></u><br />
Lots & gobs & loads of it.<br />
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<u><b>6. Understanding:</b></u><br />
Some hurts and problems have more curb appeal than others. Divorce and re-marriage has <i>very</i> little curb appeal!! It is more likely to make people run from you than run to you! Hopefully we can help change that, but in the meantime, it's true.<br />
One of the biggest hurdles of a blended family, (the kind that has children going back & forth between homes), is <b>scheduling</b>. <i>Ack! I think I just broke out in hives thinking about it! ~just kidding!</i> But seriously, it is a primary issue. <br />
So how can you help with scheduling? You really can't, but you can be understanding as to why a child cannot make it to a birthday party, a camp, or a school event. Many, many times in our own blended family, one child or another had to say 'no' to something due to the schedule between homes. It is disappointing to not be able to participate in a spelling bee that you earned the right to be in, to go to your best friend's birthday party sleepover, or not be able to participate in the concert at church, because that's a weekend you are at your other parent's home. Be understanding. <br />
Abide by the wishes of the husband and wife team who are leading a blended family. They are acutely aware of their needs and the painful, not-yet-healed hurts in their family. There may be a very good reason why they don't attend a sporting event, why they chose not to purchase something, or why they are saying no to an invitation. <br />
Do not EVER say, "Well, you knew what you were getting into!" Did you know what you were getting into when you got married? Probably
not. I can nearly guarantee that if any of us knew what we were
getting into when we re-married, most of us wouldn't have done it!<br />
If a friend or family member feels safe enough to share with you some
of the struggles of blended family life, do not ruin that by suggesting
that it is their fault because they knew that... he had kids. Or her
ex-husband was a ticking time bomb. Or the list goes on. You don't
know what you don't know!! Offer support and a listening ear and firm
boundaries, if needed. <br />
This is where, as is true in any thing,
parents in blended families will get the most support from those who
have been there. Seek out the couples who have made it!! They know.
They may have just the words of wisdom that you need. <br />
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All members of a blended family need validation and support. <br />
In thinking what I feel children of a blended family need, I would say that most of what they need also falls under the category of 'understanding.' <br />
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<li>Children of blended families need to know that they are valued just as much as children from intact/ original families. I don't know that the term 'broken home' is beneficial for children to hear. They are not second class citizens because they are not growing up with a dad and a mom who are in the same home. </li>
<li>Children of blended families need to be given permission, 'allowed' to love all the adults in their life. They need the freedom to speak freely of their mom and their dad. So- Grandparents, do not speak ill of the ex-spouses. Just don't do it!</li>
<li>They need extra love, care & grace because their home life can be very rough. At first it can be exciting that there is going to be a wedding and new siblings and a new parent! But disillusionment sets in when it things and people don't work out quite the way we thought they would.</li>
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I am grateful beyond my ability to express it, for those who have loved me through the past decade!! We have had amazing grandparents to our children who welcomed in these new additions! I have called my mom hundreds of times with tears & failures & hurts & she has listened. Thanks, Mom! I have great friends who have not become exhausted with all that I have needed to express in these past years. We have been blessed by several people who have been willing to transport our kids for us, which has been a huge help. Without a doubt, being part of a small group was a booster for us spiritually, but also in building friendships. <br />
Now my desire is that we "go and do likewise!" <br />
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To the blended family: Other blog posts will cover some advice, but persevere. This too shall pass and when your marriage comes out on the other side, it will be with a "sacred history" and a depth that you did not think was possible. <br />
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To my husband, Kevin: We are doing it! Beating the odds & I am so thankful that we didn't give up when it was hardest! Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-18794713620151231472016-02-05T07:10:00.003-08:002016-02-05T07:10:50.274-08:00And for 50 minutes Life Slowed Down... I confess that I am far too attached & tethered to the screen.<br />
The struggle is real & we use screen-free days & family togetherness to combat it. My concern is complicated & contains multiple layers and I am often preoccupied with thinking about how to make small changes & improvements while at the same time I have an awareness that I am the first to resort to the screen for down time. <br />
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Life with an almost-teen and a teen is much different than life with younger children- as it should be! They are following the needed & healthy path toward independent lives.<br />
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The combination of the availability & desire for screens, plus all that comes with having 'older' children, plus our life change of sending the kids to school & me working: It changes our family life. <br />
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However, this morning, <b>for 50 glorious minutes, life slowed down</b>.<br />
It happened naturally, which is <i>far </i>more fulfilling than when it is orchestrated! <br />
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Today is a snow day! For Micah anyway. After taking Noelle to school I had a bit of down time on the couch, you guessed it- watching some TV. Kevin was on the other couch having his devotions. <br />
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Micah woke up at 8:30 & was excited to have a snow day!! <br />
I immediately turned off the TV. I gave him a surprise- Snow Day Cotton Candy that I had been saving for such a day as this. He made himself a hot drink, sat on the couch opposite me, pulled the blanket up & looked at the window. <br />
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We talked about snow days & the snow & how his leg hurt & where he wants to build a treehouse someday & how he likes his coffee & how he thinks he is getting even taller. </div>
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We enjoyed the quiet & the falling snow & the warmth of our hot drinks. We laughed & joked with Kevin. </div>
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And not once did he ask for a screen or indicate, <i>'could we rush through this cozy time because I'd like to play Minecraft.' </i></div>
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<b>50 glorious minutes. 50 safe & secure, snuggled-up minutes.</b></div>
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I'm so glad I was home for them. </div>
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I'm so glad I didn't miss them because I was tending the goats or folding the laundry or doing 100 other things that truly need to be done.</div>
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I don't know when 50 minutes like this will come again. And even if they come again next week, they are still just as precious. </div>
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<b>We've got to be ready for them when they come. And be mindfully present. Fully experience them. Soak them in.</b> And intentionally push back the impulses, thoughts & desires to too quickly move on to <i>the next thing.</i> </div>
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And for 50 minutes, life slowed down...</div>
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-58683362367531026372015-12-26T13:06:00.001-08:002015-12-26T13:06:35.909-08:00An Honest Review of 'Unwrapping the Greatest Gift' by Ann VoskampI'm kind-of a shove-the-square-peg-into-the-round-hole kinda person sometimes. <b>#MustMakeItFit.</b> <i>(By the way, that quality is really only helpful when you work hard to make your marriage work, or are tenacious about something that needs to work- like a sport, or losing weight, or chores!)</i><br />
<br />
This was our first Christmas season reading from Ann Voskamp's beautifully illustrated book, <u>Unwrapping the Greatest Gift</u>. We've read each day's reading.<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">I didn't really like it!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span> <br />
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This isn't like seeing Kirk Cameron's <i>'Saving Christmas'</i> 'movie', (and I clearly use that term loosely). I had wanted to like that, but I didn't even have to get half way through when I thought, "WHY did I pay to see this!?" <i>(Basically, it was a Sunday School lesson. Not a movie!)</i> I knew right away that I didn't care for <i>'Saving Christmas.'</i> I was a bit more stubborn about trying to like <u>Unwrapping the Greatest Gift.</u><br />
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Now- I don't hate it! I may use it again! But it is <u><b>far</b></u> from a great children's resource, in my opinion. I'm writing my review because <b>I would hate to have a parent make a real effort toward devotions, trying to making their home the primary place where faith is nurtured, only to have a poor experience with this particular resource, and to give up entirely. </b><br />
<br />
I believe I am in the minority in not particularly caring for this book. And by all means, if this book works for your family, helps you celebrate Christ in Christmas & draws you close to Him, that is exciting! For me, I had never even heard of a Jesse Tree until recently. I researched it and found it's a Catholic tradition. However, my husband and mother-in-law had never heard of it either. <br />
<br />
Last year, on Facebook, two of my dear friends posted a lot about Voskamp's <u>Unwrapping the Greatest Gift</u>. Based on these postings I had the impression it was a book for children, (Based on her book for adults, <u>The Greatest Gift</u>), perhaps even quite young children. Well, I happen to know & believe that great children's books aren't just for children. So at an after-Christmas sale I bought three: One for us, and one for each of my brothers, who have small children. I <i>love</i> family devotions. I <i>love</i> books. I <i>love</i> children's books. I <i>love</i> Jesus coming to earth. I <i>love</i> traditions. I was <u>excited</u> to try out this book for Christmas 2015. <br />
<br />
I love the concept of this book, I just don't happen to love it. The wording is clumsy and not easy to absorb or even read aloud. (As someone who has read many, many books aloud, this style did not lend itself well to that.) <b>I would be surprised if young children can even understand much of it, much less absorb it, which is the whole point.</b> The sentences were complicated and long. If I tried this book with young children, I would find myself altering it and shortening it greatly, making it almost unrecognizable. I'm not sure that much of it 'jumped off the page' for my children, who are 12 & 14 years old. Some parts did for me, when I was the one reading it, and could re-read sentences that were wordy & required me to fully focus and figure out what was being said. <br />
<br />
I like: "Your eyes were formed to be awed by the art of every wonder-laced snowflake and the carving of every swirl of frost and the sculpting of every cresting snowdrift. And then to see it- God's own signature in the corner of everything." As well as plenty of other parts. But, <i>in my opinion</i>, it is not worded for most children. (And my children have great comprehension & love to read. Even so..)<br />
<br />
I will say that <u>Unwrapping the Greatest Gift</u> has <u>beautiful </u>illustrations. It's truly a gorgeous book.<br />
<br />
I also like the whole idea of beginning with Creation. The first time I remember hearing about this concept was the <i>Firm Foundations</i> curriculum by New Tribes Mission, and I thought it was a great idea. Good Seed Publications puts out an adult book, <u>On the Road to Emmaus</u>, which is the same idea. I do believe that everything points to Christ and I like reading Old Testament stories with this lens. I like tracing Jesus' lineage. <b>I just wish the book were far simpler. </b><br />
<br />I liken this book to kind-of putting me back at PCB in Dr. Toews' Poetics class, learning about A-lines & B-lines & meter & form & patterns. I was a confused freshman in that class and I think it just caught me at the wrong time in my college life. <br />
<br />
Perhaps it's because poems and lyrical-style writing do not resonate with me. Or at least, not at where I am in my current season of life. To be clear: Unwrapping the Greatest Gift is not a poem. But the wording reminded me of a poem. It is somewhat abstract. And flowery. And sometimes kind-of made-up or added to?? <br />
<br />
"The Son-King Jesus, who laid out the paths for all the stars, chose to fold Himself up small and lie in the space of Mary" <i>What? First of all, the term 'Son-King' is used many times in this book, but when read aloud sounds like 'Sun-King', which my children found odd. </i> <br />
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If you like it- great! Just don't feel trapped and like you <i>should</i> like something, just because it seems like all of Christendom does. I've seen several people recommend, instead of <u>Unwrapping the Greatest Gift</u>, <span class="readable" id="reviewTextContainer1475381615"><span id="freeText16549348580061583028"> using Sally Lloyd-Jones's <u>Jesus Story Book Bible</u> instead,
even though it is not specifically an Advent themed book. The writing, according to others, is better suited for children. </span></span><br />
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<br />Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-68728112190771041072015-12-23T16:38:00.000-08:002015-12-23T16:38:31.891-08:00CHRIST in CHRISTmas. Ideas. Part 2Part 1 is found here: <a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2015/12/christ-in-christmas-sort-of-part-1.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2015/12/christ-in-christmas-sort-of-part-1.html</a><br />
"Love Jesus the way He asks you to. Don't worry about the formulas or
making Jesus part of the season too much. If Jesus is important to your
heart, He will be foremost in the Advent/ Christmas season." <br />
<br />
Part 2: I asked friends, family & acquaintances about how they keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas. Here are some ideas:<br />
<ol>
<li>"Our church bought Advent devotionals, boughs, decorations & candles for each family to make their own Advent wreath. <b>This was the jump start that got us started on year-round devotions.</b> If we slacked off on devotions, the Advent wreath got us back on track each year." <i>I love this. Yes, parents must have a vested interest, but I know in my own life I have benefited greatly from resources and nudges from others.</i> </li>
<li>Have<b> <u>manger scenes</u></b> be the focus of your Christmas decor, along with other pieces that point to Christ. Some families have an expensive manger scene that they add a piece to each year. <i>(Oh, wouldn't I love a Willow Tree one!!) </i>Have at least one manger scene that children can play with. Fisher-Price Little People set. Homemade wooden blocks with figures painted on them. Stuffed animal creche. There are many options. <b>The goal is so that when someone enters your home they know Who is being celebrated.</b> </li>
<li><u><b>Read Luke 2</b></u>. This was mentioned a lot. Other Scriptures too, including Isaiah's
prophecies. Many people responded that before presents could be opened,
prayer was said & Luke 2 was read.</li>
<li><u><b>Giving</b>.</u> Helping others is how we show the love of Christ. Bake & give gifts to neighbors, friends & family. Be intentional about getting to know neighbors. Have the children make homemade cards for them. <b>Help those less fortunate.</b> Make a difference within your own community in a way that costs each person. One teacher shared that instead of a classroom Christmas party, her class was donating to and volunteering at a food pantry. <i>(Great idea.) </i>Buy items for Samaritan's Purse & put a representation of these gifts under the tree. Sacrifice your gifts to each other & instead donate that money to an organization such as Samaritan's Purse. One mom came up with the idea of having a sign that said, "What Can I Give the King?" From it hang pouches with the children's names on them. When it is noticed that a child is making God's heart happy by being kind or unselfish, $1 goes in the pouch. At Christmas, this money is used for Heifer International or another worthy organization. Discuss what presents Jesus received & compare that to what we get today. Put your manger scene under the tree because <b>Christ's birth is the best gift of all.</b> Focus more on the giving than the receiving. Emphasize that we have gifts because God gave us Jesus, (the Greatest Gift.) Talk about the gifts we'd like to give Jesus this coming year: Perhaps a better attitude, work ethic, more giving, less selfishness. There are several versions of giving three gifts like the magi did. Some children each receive three gifts on Christmas morning. Some get three gifts: One that they want, one that they need & one that will hep them grow spiritually or educationally. For some families, because of work schedules or plans with extended family, the gift-giving is separate from Christmas, which helps get the focus off "us" and on to Christ. </li>
<li><b><u>Christmas Eve service at church.</u></b> Christmas messages in the Sundays leading up to Christmas help prepare our hearts. Attending a candlelight Christmas Ever service, no matter where you are, is meaningful. Some people want a Christmas Eve service that will serve communion. In addition to the Christmas Eve service, children's Christmas programs are very meaningful and leave an impression on both those who participate and the audience. </li>
<li><u><b>Christmas Carols & Songs.</b></u> Sung at church & in your home & listened to. Caroling house to house or in nursing homes.</li>
<li><u><b>Advent Devotionals.</b></u> There are many, but several were mentioned by name: <b>Anne Hewitt advent cards</b> which are progressive in their reading. <b>Unwrapping the Greatest Gift</b>, (child or adult version), by Ann Voskamp. <b>What God Wants for Christmas</b>, put out by Family Life. <b>Family Celebrations: Meeting Christ in Your Holidays & Family Celebrations</b> by Ann Hibbard, involving a reading, a hymn & an ornament. <b>Thriving Family</b> devotionals. <b> Not a Silent Night</b> by Adam Hamilton. <i>This idea was particular touching because the family has a college student away at school. The student has a copy of the book & reads on her own & whenever she can she skypes with the family to have a group devotional time. </i>Many families are using their own. A few verses each day. For little children, children's books that tell the story of the 3 Trees, or the story of Mary, etc. Last year our family had the theme of Jesus as the Light of the World. We made candles & sang songs & read verses that were about that theme. Before that we did the names of God. '<b>Ever Thine Home</b>' sells themed ornaments and decorations. Their new item this year is Jesus' name in many languages. Several ideas involve a 'Creation to the Cross' family devotional and/or a Jesse Tree. Typically in an Advent wreath, one candle is added every week.</li>
<li>One mom came up with one herself. In fact, she had never heard of a Jesse Tree. <i>(I don't think I'm supposed to have 'favorites' among all the ideas I was given, but this may be it!) </i><span class="null">"We do a mini tree with ornaments I made that
represent stories chronologically in the Bible. We called it <b>The Waiting Tree</b> because since Adam people have waited for the Messiah to be born.
Each day we told one story and hung that ornament on The Waiting Tree." </span></li>
<li><u><b>Birthday Cake for Jesus.</b></u> </li>
<li><u><b>Act out the Christmas story.</b></u> In your home. At church. In a pageant. Go to live nativities & plays. Do it with puppets, with toys. Have your kids write and act out a version. </li>
<li><u><b>Family activities</b></u>, that sometimes go along with the devotional. Baby Jesus & Advent- centered crafts. </li>
<li>One creative mom made snowflakes to adhere to a tree, (red twigs in a Mason jar.) Daily her family will write on a snowflake <b>something that is true about God</b> and put the snowflake on the tree. </li>
<li>A couple of families mentioned <u><b>adopting Jewish traditions.</b></u> One family has incorporated a <b>menorah</b>, to better understand the Jewish heritage that makes up the foundation of our faith. One family is going to celebrate the <b>Feast of Tabernacles</b> next year, hopefully even building a booth in their yard, because their research shows that this is the time of year more likely to have been when Christ was born. They anticipate joy at eliminating the distractions of Christmas-time and focusing on Him during the week long feast. </li>
<li>One family has a Christmas tree with <b>stuffed lambs</b> under it, as a reminder that Jesus is the Lamb of God.</li>
<li>One family <b>adds hay to a manger</b> for 23 days and on the 24th day baby Jesus arrives in the manger. </li>
<li><b>Being thankful</b>. Thankful for Jesus. Thankful that we have been blessed by others. Write thank you notes together as a family. </li>
<li>Emphasize hope, peace, love & joy. <b>Lose the hype</b>. Keep it small, simple & sentimental. Be intentional about making Christmas less commercial. Don't get caught up in the rush and urgency. </li>
</ol>
<ol>Even when Christ was not especially emphasized in homes, there was a general understanding that all of parties & the special food & the decorations & the presents- was happening because of a big spiritual event. </ol>
<ol>Hope you've found an idea or two that resonates with you.</ol>
<ol>Merry Christmas! </ol>
Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-39596811594253495972015-12-22T19:41:00.001-08:002015-12-23T14:31:56.209-08:00CHRIST in CHRISTmas. Sort of. Part 1.Her eyes immediately welled up with tears that spilled over. She clenched her fists & with anger said, "No! I don't have anything to do with Christmas! It's just another day."<br />
<br />
I had wished a housekeeper a 'Merry Christmas.' I had volunteered for a Christmas morning shift and was trying to spread some cheer. She sounded angry but what I saw was hurt.<br />
<br />
Recently a tenant told me that he hated Christmas. He hated the cold. He hated going into debt because of obligations to buy gifts for people he doesn't care about. <br />
<br />
A former co-worker was extremely excited at Black Friday time to scoop up all kinds of things for her teenage son. This frenzy lasted up til Christmas and she frequently told me about what she had purchased: The latest game consul & hundreds of dollars of games, expensive sneakers, the list went on & on. In the New Year, this same co-worker was burdened with debt and complained and stressed about trying to pay off all that she had purchased for her son. <br />
<br />
These sentiments are not typical nor representative of most of the people I hang about with or know. I perceive that my family, friends, and acquaintances on the whole love Christmas. That is truly is the <i>most wonderful time of the year. </i><br />
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Even so, there can be no doubt that the Christmas experiences my children enjoy look quite different than the ones their grandparents enjoyed, <i>(if they even did)</i>, and even different than my childhood ones. The length of the season, points of interest & focus, special events, presents- these things shift with the decades. <br />
<br />
Our first year of marriage my husband, 40+ years old, said to me, "My whole life I thought that Christmas was <u>one</u> day. With you, it's a month long!" <br />
<i> </i><br />
Christmas itself can be confusing. As a beloved character in Jelly Telly's 'Buck Denver: Why Do We Call it Christmas?' asks, when told he can watch a Christmas DVD: <b>Which Christmas? The one about Jesus or the one about Santa? </b><br />
<br />
And even in that, things can be confusing. I personally did not grow up with an emphasis on Santa, nor did my children. I never believed in him, but I did enjoy <i>pretending </i>about him. Other Christians are even more strict about keeping Santa out of Christmas. And yet, when my mom was a child, it was very common for a Santa to come to the church and be part of the celebration. <br />
There are a lot of mixed messages.<br />
<br />
As a 23-year-old I was boarding with a kind lady from church. She introduced me to something I had never even <u>heard </u>of! The 12 Days of Christmas! <i>(Now, yes, I knew the song. But this was pre-wikipedia. Had it occurred to me to be curious about the origins of the song, I would have had to tramp to the house of someone who owned an Encyclopedia, get the 'C' book off the shelf & perhaps I would have been more informed. As it turned out, I was not curious.)</i> This was a perfect example of one deficit my non-denominational, New England background had given me: A vacuum of liturgy. Communal response & ritual were not part of my life & once I got past the 'Catholic-ness' of them, they became & still are a source of wonderment to me, dripping with meaning & symbolism, and although still not very much a part of my personal experience, very precious.<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago, caught up in the whirl of Advent, I contacted a number of people, with the intent to write a post about ways to keep Christ in Christmas. And I shall do that post, but this really isn't it. <br />
<br />
The responses fell into a few categories, one being an uncertainty that the responder had anything meaningful to add.<br />
Because Christ is Lord 365 days a year, not just at Christmas. This low-key approach, these responses kind-of surprised me, slightly at least. I have tried so hard to make this season memorable and deeply meaningful, alert to any and every thing that would point to Christ.So worried that Christ will be forgotten that sometimes things end up being forced and/or fake.<br />
<br />
There is a calmness that comes with less striving. This response is a good summary: "<span class="null">... I think the most important
part about teaching our children about Christmas is having Christ as the
center of your heart and lives every day, not just at Christmas time.
Each day we rejoice in the fact that we have been given salvation, grace
and eternal live and help along the way, and Christmas is a special
time to celebrate that. In our home, now and also when I grew up, we
enjoyed the traditional Christmas things, the music, the movies of
Rudolph and Santa Claus, but what is most important is teaching our
children to give and to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas by
teaching it at home, by attending Christmas programs at church that set
our reflection on Christ and candlelight services singing Christmas
carols of Jesus birth, sending Christmas cards that share scripture and
Christ' birth." </span><br />
<br />
<span class="null">Another person mentioned family time and said, "</span><span class="null"><span class="null">Nothing super religious, but all very godly in that it draws us together and fills our love tanks in a godly way."</span> </span> <br />
<br />
I got to thinking.<br />
How was Christ in the Christmas of my childhood?<br />
Which led me to thinking about the Christmases of my childhood. Our childhoods are so very important- crucial to who we become. They can be overcome, but not easily. It's quite possible that the tenant and housekeeper I spoke of in the beginning of this post, are carrying childhood hurts that haven't yet been resolved or healed.<br />
<br />
What does Christmas mean for me? What does it mean for my children? What will they remember as the precious moments? What did I, what do I love about Christmas?<br />
<br />
I hadn't asked my friends these questions, but the answers to the one I did ask led me in that direction anyway. <br />
<br />
Knowing that Christ was part of our daily lives, and fully knowing that Christ was central in Christmas,<br />
For me, Christmas <i>was</i>:<br />
<ul>
<li><u><b>Family.</b></u> Every single Christmas of my childhood and almost every
Christmas until I married my husband- afternoons and evenings were spent
on the farm. <i>(Okay. Kinda crying now!)</i> Yes, we got presents,
yes we did a devotional & sometimes sang songs. But it wasn't
over-scheduled, (as can be my tendency.) It was a big family meal for
lunch. Even better, snack-ier meal for supper. Playing with cousins.
Rosettes. Accordions & guitars. Simply magical. </li>
<li><u><b>Music.</b></u> Playing records while decorating the tree. Singing songs with family and at church. Caroling. </li>
<li><u><b>Presents</b></u>, (of course.) Giving & Receiving. Stockings. Giving to neighbors. </li>
<li><u><b>Coziness</b></u>. Sitting by the Christmas tree with the lights. Usually reading.</li>
<li><u><b>Church Christmas Programs</b></u>. Memorizing our lines for a play and/or pieces and/or songs. Sometimes costumes. Oh, how I love a good Christmas program.</li>
<li><b><u>Surprises</u></b><u>.</u> <b><u> </u></b></li>
<li><b><u>The Tree.</u></b> Ornaments from Nancy.</li>
<li><b><u>Word of Life Christmas productions</u></b>. I may have only been to one or two, but they were quite elaborate. Plus, we had the records so I listened & memorized all the songs & parts. </li>
<li><u><b>School break!</b></u> Probably the downtime, although I perceived it very differently as a carefree child than I do now. (I don't ever remember feeling very stressed about life!)</li>
<li><u><b>Snow.</b></u> Most of the time.</li>
</ul>
Christmas <i>is</i>:<br />
<ul>
<li><u><b>Family</b></u>. Our little unit & time with extended family, although never on Christmas. The joy of my children & my husband. Time together. This 'Quality Time' Mama likes to ice skate, play games & watch movies with her family.</li>
<li><u><b>Being intentional</b></u> about Advent/ devotionals/ emphasizing the real meaning of Christmas. </li>
<li><u><b>Presents & Surprises</b></u>. How fun is it to surprise our children & loved ones. To love on others- friends, neighbors & those less fortunate. </li>
<li><u><b>Christmas movies!</b></u> White Christmas. The Homecoming. Elf. It's a Wonderful Life. </li>
<li><u><b>Coziness</b></u>. In our little corner of Carmel.</li>
<li><u><b>Christmas Eve services</b></u>. </li>
<li><u><b>The Tree.</b></u> </li>
<li><u><b>Our traditions:</b></u> Gingerbread houses. Advent calendars. Christmas cookies. Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. Giving our pets stockings. Getting & decorating the tree. Making gifts. </li>
</ul>
I asked my children what Christmas means to them.<br />
Noelle responded by asking me a question: "Well, do you want to know which was my favorite?" Her favorite is the Christmas that we didn't have gifts beyond stockings. The Christmas that we 'gave away' our Christmas to Samaritan's Purse. (See story here: <a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2013/11/operation-christmas-child-samaritans.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2013/11/operation-christmas-child-samaritans.html</a> ) I have heard her mention multiple times that she wants her children to have Christmases where they don't receive anything. This Christmas, she wants to pass out hot coffee to people in downtown Bangor. That Christmas made a deep impression on all of us.<br />
<br />
They mentioned the homemade cinnamon buns. Movies. Decorations. The Cozy-Christmasy feeling you get when you are snuggled on the couch with hot chocolate. The anticipation.<br />
<br />
In a way, all these things point to Christ, in addition to being wholesome experiences and activities and items. When we feel the belonging-ness of family, we know what it means to belong in God's family. When we spend time together as a family, it teaches us that time spent with God draws us closer to Him. When we give out of a heart of love, it's because He gave to us and showed us how to give & love. When we excitedly anticipate Christmas, we reflect the joy & emotion of God, and we understand what it means to anticipate the 2nd Coming of Christ.<br />
<br />
And for those to whom Christmas represents hurt. Disappointment. Pain. We can do our best to show love, which is exactly what Christ did when He chose to be born of a virgin, into this hurting world, to show His love for us and rescuing us from forever disappointment & pain.<br />
<br />
"Love Jesus the way He asks you to. Don't worry about the formulas or making Jesus part of the season too much. If Jesus is important to your heart, He will be foremost in the Advent/ Christmas season." (from a friend.) Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-38799693263146439702015-11-06T17:32:00.000-08:002015-11-06T17:32:34.026-08:00The Spiritual Growth of Children; Faith at Home. I am passionate about <b>making our home the primary place where faith is nurtured.</b> Here is the story of my personal journey:<br />
<br />
<i><span class="text Deut-6-5" id="en-NASB-5092">"...You shall love the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.</span> <span class="text Deut-6-6" id="en-NASB-5093">These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.</span> <span class="text Deut-6-7" id="en-NASB-5094">You
shall <b>teach them diligently</b> to your sons and shall talk of them when
you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down
and when you rise up.</span> <span class="text Deut-6-8" id="en-NASB-5095">You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.</span> <span class="text Deut-6-9" id="en-NASB-5096">You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates..." -Deuteronomy 6</span></i> <br />
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<i>(<b>Stop.</b> Feel like a failure in this area? Keep reading anyway. Don't give up because you don't do it perfectly or often enough. None of us do it perfectly. The easiest thing is to use teachable moments that already exist.)</i> <br />
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6 years ago I attended, with my good friend, Lynne, a Focus on the Family simulcast on parenting. I came home & shared this on Facebook: <i>"WOW!! Matthew West, <span class="highlightNode">Mark Holmen</span> & Larry Fowler!! I am very intrigued by <span class="highlightNode">Mark Holmen</span>'s
ministry, The Faith Begins at Home Movement. My head is very full of
challenges, Scripture, ideas, etc. It's been a really good day."</i><br />
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I learned about churched kids leaving the faith & I learned about some reasons why people believe that it is happening. I learned that many of our Christian homes are often 2-3 generations away from families who read the Word together, serve together & pray together. I learned that families are farming out the spiritual growth of their children to the church instead of using the church as a supplement. <br />
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Before this simulcast I had never heard of the Faith at Home movement. I didn't know that it was a 'thing.' However, I <u><i>was</i></u> raised in a home where faith was nurtured. God had guided me as a new mom, a happily married mom, a single mom & a stepmom to nurture my children's faith- I just didn't know there was a <i>movement</i>- a name. <i> </i><br />
<i></i><br />
<ul>
<li>Fewer than 10% of parents who regularly attend church with their kids
read the Bible together, pray together (other than at meal times) or
participate in an act of service as a family unit. </li>
<li>Only 28% of churched
youth have talked with mum about faith. </li>
<li>Only 13% of churched youth have
talked with dad about faith. </li>
<li>69-94% of evangelical children
are leaving the church shortly after they finish high school.</li>
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Actually, I didn't believe all of these statistics. (We were given many more than this.) I grew up in a home where we <u>did </u>have family devotions. We did Keys for Kids, put out by Children's Bible Hour. We read from the Bible before the morning bus came, usually from the New Living Translation. We were encouraged & equipped to have our own quiet time. <br />
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After devouring resources that I had purchased at the simulcast and after a lot of prayer & guidance, I worked on implementing these concepts into my ministry at church. But first I had to see what was true for the families in <u>my </u>church. Where were they at & in what areas did they need and/or want some help. I surveyed our small group of families and here are just some of the answers they shared:<br />
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<u>When asked about family devotions</u>:<br />
<ol>
<li>"I bought a 'devotions over dinner' book & have cracked the spine only once in 2 months... not exactly what I had in mind when I bought it in a flurry of piousness."</li>
<li>"My biggest hope for my kids is that they will naturally want to be with God, even when they are teenagers. Getting them there is what I need help with." </li>
<li>"I am failing with devotions because of: Time, How to do it 'right', I don't want to offend my unbelieving partner & my own struggle with meaningful devotion time."</li>
<li>"I am trying to live the Word, but I don't support it by verbalizing the principles aloud so that I can make a clear connection between the two."</li>
<li>"I lose teachable moments because I am angry or disappointed." <b>(Oh goodness this resonates with me.)</b></li>
<li>"There is always something more pressing that takes the place of family devotions."<b> </b></li>
<li>"Establishing a routine is really hard."</li>
<li><b> </b>"God-inspired words do not come to me when they should, likely because of a lack of time spent in the Word."</li>
<li>"There are times when I want to convey a principle but don't have the 'kid-friendly' version to draw on, leaving me blank & groping."</li>
<li>"A hindrance is a lack of interest on my part as the dad."</li>
<li>"The biggest block for me is my own discipline and inconsistency and sometimes their lack of interest and some trial & error to see what captures their attention."</li>
<li>"Life has become so fractured. There is only so much we can do." <b>(Oh, don't we all feel that way. So, so busy. They tyranny of the immediate.) </b></li>
</ol>
I am convinced that parents <i>want</i> good things for their children. They want their kids to love God, and they expect that their kids will grow up to stay involved in church & have a growing relationship with God. But they have <b>no action plan</b> and really aren't doing anything to make sure they meet their goal.<br />
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<b>Time </b><u>is </u>a huge issue. People are busy & there's rarely an opportunity to experience God's presence or see God at work when life is very, very busy. One must be very intentional about loving God & knowing Him oneself & then impressing that on our children. It's not going to happen by accident & we aren't going to suddenly find extra time to do it. We have to make it happen. <i>"Too many parents are lulled to sleep during the tranquil elementary years. Unaware of the approaching perils of adolescence and how quickly they arise."</i> -Dennis Rainey.<br />
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Often parents think that it's the church's job, or the Christian school's job. Unconsciously, I think, many have seen children's programs as an opportunity to pass on the faith-nurturing responsibilities to the church. I am <u>so</u> thankful for the church's role in our lives. We <u>need </u>the church. We are taught, encouraged, chastened. We experience community. I want the church, my church, to come along side me in the spiritual training of my children. And it does. But God designed parents to influence and train their children. Service to the Lord <i>naturally</i> flows out of love for Him. <br />
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Many parents aren't sure how to be primary faith influencers, particularly if they did not grow up in a home where faith was nurtured, particularly through family devotions. Many truly have no idea what it looks like to teach their children how to relate to God. Some of the problems that some families face in this area are a direct reflections of the less-than-all commitment that the parents have made to the Lord. Many families 'play Christians' on Sunday morning but they don't want to<i> be</i> Christians the rest of the week.<br />
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<b>Pause</b>. Having family devotions isn't a golden ticket to get children to grow up and live for Christ. We each make our own choices. Also, none of us is living a perfect life is this. <i>GRACE.</i><br />
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When children grow up thinking that church/God/Christianity is something we do at certain times with certain people in certain places, as opposed to having it permeate their lives~ they will live a warped, individualistic, self-serving form of Christianity. They'll make decisions based on feelings rather than truth. They'll embrace all philosophies and religions as equally true.<br />
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<b>But</b> if every Christian intentionally & effectively equipped the generations, it would be an undeniable legacy causing a massive cultural shift from the tolerant, humanistic, godless & compartmentalized present to a radically different God-honoring future. <br />
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So- how? How do we make our home the primary place that faith is nurtured? How do we aid in the spiritual growth of our children? First- <b>we love God & know him ourselves.</b> Spend time in the Word ourselves, and in prayer. Second, to express it very simply- <b>We read the Word to our children</b>. We pray with them. We take every day, ordinary things and we connect them to God. We make our faith, our Christianity, something we do in ALL places with ALL people at ALL times. <br />
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The resource I found the most helpful was a short little book: <u>Faith Begins at Home</u> by Mark Holmen. I <u>highly</u> recommend it. <br />
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Second to that book, I recommend <u>Shift </u>by Brian Haynes. </div>
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<u>Your Family Journey</u> A Guide to Building Faith at Home is a companion book to <u>Faith Begins at Home </u>and I have found it very helpful. </div>
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Because I also had ministry in mind, I've also enjoyed & gleaned from: <u>Think Orange</u> by Reggie Joiner. <u>Building Faith at Home</u> by Mark Holmen, <u>Take it Home: Inspiration & Events to Help Parents Spiritually Transform Their Children</u> by Mark Holmen, <u>Perspectives on Family Ministry</u> by Paul Renfro, Brandon Shields & Jay Strother & <u>Collaborate</u> by Michael Chanley & a bunch of other people. </div>
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I have shared in previous blog posts about some of my favorite resources and ways to nurture faith in my children, so I won't repeat all of that here, but rather focus on devotions. Call it whatever you want to: Quiet Time, Time in the Word, Faith Talks.<br />
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(Some of my favorites: Passport to Purity. Secret Keeper Girl. Bible Bee. AWANA. <u>So You're About to Be a Teenager </u>by Rainey. Adventures in Odyssey. And <i>all kinds </i>of devotionals.)<br />
<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2013/06/christian-summer-resources-for.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2013/06/christian-summer-resources-for.html</a><br />
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Back to my journey: I've had many talks with people at church about... cloth diapers, potty training, feeding my baby, the best age to begin music lessons, schooling choices, etc. These were all good. I needed and still need that community. However, as a fairly young mom, only a few conversations were about how I can- or my husband & I can- spiritually mentor our children. I don't think it's because people don't care, but I do believe it's because it's considered too personal, because people have failed in this themselves, or because they just don't feel equipped.<br />
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When my kids were little I had & used many resources for Bible stories, family devotions, prayer time, object lessons, etc. When Kevin & I got married our kids were ages 4, 6 & 7. We did mainly devotional books. Then we had the girls do the CEF devotionals that were given out in Sunday School.<br />
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All this time God was working in my heart, and Kevin's too, and we moved closer & closer to where I stand today on family Faith Talks & parents being intentional about being the primary faith-influencers of their children. We started <b>reading to them directly out of the Bible</b>, starting with stories like Ruth, Esther & Jonah. The girls did the Bible bookmarks that we handed out through Sunday School.<br />
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It was through the encouragement of my friend, Susan, that I was challenged even further. Her boys had their own personal devotions every morning. So, when the kids were 6, 8 & 9 they <b>began having their own personal devotions</b>. Not <u>every</u> day, but most weekdays. I was already 'bent' to be intentional in this area, but the encouragement of a friend spurred me on further. In fact, that's why I am writing this post. That's why I've given out many, many devotionals to kids. That's why when I was in charge of Sunday School we had special lessons on devotions. This sort of 'coincidental' talk with my friend about personal devotions was a defining moment for me. It happened before I had ever heard of 'Faith at Home', and even though we had been nurturing faith, <b>the intentionality in our home changed dramatically</b>. I am <u>so</u> grateful that she encouraged me that my children were old enough & that she even provided me with a devotional that her boys were done with. <br />
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We continued on with family devotions, sometimes using the Odyssey CD's, sometimes a holiday-related devotional & sometimes a family devotional. Then our family also participated in the National Bible Bee, doing an inductive study on Colossians as a family. Actually, we did the Bible Bee several times.<br />
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<b>Note: </b>Not <u>once </u>did we complete the Bible Bee material. Not once did we get through even close to the amount of material that I wanted to. <u>Don't be discouraged </u>when you don't finish the book. When someone is cranky or you have to <i>make </i>it happen. Just do what you can do.<br />
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"On our own", (but not really, because God was guiding us), we implemented many things before I had ever heard of the "Faith at Home" movement. God clearly directed me and when I heard about the Faith at Home movement, I was excited. It was validating. I couldn't wait to learn more & do more & we did. <br />
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It's been 6 years since that simulcast. I hope that I will be found faithful. It's been messy & imperfect ~just like everything else in our lives!! We have used Manga Bibles & Christian magazines & each child has received a very special Bible of their own during their Passport to Purity weekends. We have read every type of devotional you can imagine. We have read Mark as a family while our pastor is speaking on Mark. We have been greatly blessed by serving together. <br />
<a href="http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-service-we-offer-others-parenting.html">http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-service-we-offer-others-parenting.html</a><br />
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Currently, it is hard to find time for family devotions. Noelle, Micah & I have devotions together most days on our drive to school. <i>(Hey- you have got to use the time that you have- and that is where & when we have the most time- in the vehicle.)</i> My kids have been having their own personal devotions for years and the benefits are rooted in them deeply. We typically have family devotions on Saturdays or Sundays. I encourage you to read <u>Faith Begins at Home</u>. And I encourage you to do what you can. Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-19345538374652718572015-10-26T10:48:00.002-07:002015-10-26T10:48:23.789-07:00Celebrate Halloween??Celebrate Halloween? Probably not. <br />
Participate in trick-or-treating & community? Yes.<br />
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I grew up in a fairly conservative family & community. <i>(for which I am thankful.) </i>I mean, we didn't go to movies or dances. We didn't play with playing cards. <u>But</u>.. we <u>did</u> go trick-or-treating. <i>And</i>, we often dressed in ghost & witch costumes, mostly b/c that's what we had. Plus, it was easier to cover the 2 layers of long underwear one needed in order to trick-or-treat in Aroostook County at the end of October! I'm quite certain that my grandparents, who handed out pencils, and my great Uncle Glenn & others did not see anything wrong with trick-or-treating. Or no one would have done it!<br />
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However, while I was in college I became aware of the dark things that happen during Halloween. I believe these things truly happen & obviously I want no part in them. So at that time I decided that my children would not go trick-or-treating. <br />
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For those who have also decided that, and kept with it, I totally understand why. I don't understand why houses seem to now be decorated more for Halloween than for Christmas. I'm not a fan of scary costumes & decor. I've even had to draw a line with invitations we have received & have had to say 'no' to something that used Satanic symbols and seemed too dark. <br />
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When Noelle was 2 years old and Micah was about 2 months old we bought a house & moved to Pearl Street. We had neighbors who enjoyed watching our children swing & draw with chalk. We lived fairly close to our neighbors and they all knew that every Sunday morning & every Sunday night we left our home, dressed up. <br />
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When I started living in a <b>community</b>, it changed my view of trick-or-treating.<br />
I saw that Halloween was a way that I could connect with my neighborhood. Kids were coming to my door & I could give them unique treats, plus a tract about Christ. I think there has only been one time I've been home for trick-or-treaters, b/c we've always been out, but that year I gave out crayons &<br />
pencils & stickers & erasers & tracts. <br />
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Halloween is National Evangelism Day b/c people are coming to YOU! If you give out tracts at Halloween, you should give the <u>best</u> treats on your street! My kids no longer trick-or-treat, but we always loved small bags of chips, gummies, pencils & stickers. <br />
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My next-door neighbor invited us in for a party! This was the real eye-opener for me! Our first invitation to come in & it was for a Halloween party! Now, I'm <i>really</i> awkward at parties! Probably everywhere there are people, but especially at parties! But I went, with my children, because these neighbors who knew we were Christians, I wanted to show love & friendliness to them. Our other next-door neighbors bought special presents for my kids! So when I came to their door, both Noelle & Micah had a special bag just full of stuff! Some friends at work did a similar thing,years later, plastic pumpkins filled with goodies for all 3 kids. <br />
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And so... we trick-or-treated. We met our neighbors. We enjoyed the fun. We did 'Sight Night', collecting used glasses for the needy. We used the hard candy we received for our Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. We saved our mini m&m's for Christmas cookies. We used candy for our gingerbread houses. We threw candy away! We learned self-regulation. <br />
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We had a blast <u>pretending</u>. We rarely purchased anything for costumes, mostly using what we had. Noelle has been: a ladybug, Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, an Amish girl, a princess, a soccer player, a veterinarian, a fairy, Katniss, a knight, and a farm girl w/ a goat! Micah has been a lion, an Amish boy, a construction worker, a policeman, a turkey hunter, an elephant, Gimli, and a pirate. <br />
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There is a big reason why I almost <i>like </i>Halloween. And that is that in 2006, when Micah was 3 years old, he accepted Christ as his Savior while we were carving pumpkins!! These pictures are from that very day:<br />
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I remember this day very clearly. I was a single mom & doing the best that I could. We were doing the simplest of devotionals. I still have it and we read it again yesterday while we carved our pumpkins.<br />
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It is put out by CTA and it says:</div>
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"God comes to us and picks us up from a lonely, cold field. He washes off all the dirt of our sin. He removes the seeds of doubt, fear, and hate that have grown inside us. Then He places within us the light of His love. This love warms our hearts. What was once filled with darkness is now flooded with light. That love puts a smile on our face! Now the whole world can see God's love shining in us! Got SHINE for the Lord as you Share His Incredible News Everywhere! Matthew 5:14-16: You are the light of the world... Let your light so shine." </div>
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We talked about how God takes the yucky sin out of us & puts His light in us. And that precious little boy lifted both little arms to the ceiling & said that he wanted Jesus. </div>
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So you see, it's hard for me to hate Halloween when my son accepted Christ during a Halloween-ish object lesson! These are precious memories and nearly every year since we have carved pumpkins and told a similar devotional. A great one is this book:</div>
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So maybe you don't do anything for Halloween, and that's okay. Or maybe you pass out neat treats & tracts. Or maybe you go trick-or-treating. Consider that perhaps your Christian friends who <u>are</u> doing Halloween-ish things are participating in their community & getting to know their neighbors and also having fun!</div>
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-27487572708680382852015-10-23T18:38:00.003-07:002015-10-23T18:38:39.172-07:00936 SaturdaysThe first 52 Saturdays were filled with nursing & cloth diapers & stroller rides & visits to Grandpa & Grammie's house. <br />
<br />
Next came 52 Saturdays of spending time w/ Daddy & learning to walk & Saturday night baths & snuggles. <br />
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52 Saturdays of walking around the block & to the playground & sledding & snow-man building. <br />
52 Saturdays of Home Depot projects & Shriner clowns & splitting time between parents. <br />
52 Saturdays of birthday parties & dance recitals & Chutes & Ladders & making cookies. <br />
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(Time is passing quickly.)<br />
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It's school time now. 52 Saturdays of Kidgits events & reading homework & playing dress-up. 52 Saturdays of AWANA verses & Little House on the Prairie & visits w/ Daddy. 52 Saturdays of Saturday morning cartoons & Playmo 'Merica & game nights & family devotions. <br />
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We're homeschooling & it's 52 Saturdays of educational events & movie nights & still the Saturday night baths & snuggles. 52 Saturdays of sleepovers & bottle-feeding goats & serving others & campfires. 52 Saturdays of shopping for clothes & pumpkin carving & cleaning bedrooms & singing together.<br />
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52 Saturdays of summer camp & mission trips & Grandpa & Grammie's house. 52 Saturdays of camping & going on walks & cousins. 52 Saturdays of sleeping in & musicals & reading books & youth group parties. <br />
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And then I blinked and all of a sudden there are only less than 200 left! How did we get down to 20%? Those hours of laundry & hiking & homework & housecleaning & dishes had seemed so <i>long</i>. <br />
Ahead of us we have Saturdays of driving & first jobs & babysitting & dating (?). Saturdays of homework & piling wood & summer visitation & friends & Africa. <br />
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Oh, it hasn't been perfect. But if we had it to do over again, we would just make different mistakes. <br />
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936 Saturdays. That's what we get. <br />
Now, that's not <i>all</i> we get. (Lord willing). But that is what we get for <b>childhood</b>. And they <u>need</u> those 936 Saturdays . For the foundation of their lives. For security & roots & spiritual training & family & traditions & work ethic & boredom & to get enough sleep. <br />
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I don't want to squander them. I don't want to say, "Oh, we'll do family devotions <i>next </i>Saturday." <br />
While it is still called today...<br />
Redeeming the time...<br />
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I truly struggle with my messy house. But I will not look back at those precious, dear 80% of my daughter's childhood Saturdays, and wish I had spent one minute more cleaning than I did. <br />
We've lived life. And we've squeezed as many drops of joy out as we could.<br />
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This day is never going to come 'round again. And like a snowball rolling down a mountain, time is picking up speed and seems to have a cumulative effect, getting faster & faster the closer we get to 18 years of age. <br />
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If it's been a grumpy Saturday.... I can be thankful that I have opportunities to discipline.<br />
If it's been a sleepy Saturday.... How wonderful to know that <b>home</b> is a place where we can just BE. <br />
If it's been a serving Saturday.... Who better to serve with than my family!<br />
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We share the joys and our finite Saturdays. We share Jesus & our faith. <br />
We mamas... we set the tone. Dig your heels in and s-l-o-w- it- d-o-w-n. <br />
In your own way, in a way that works for your family. <br />
The chaos & the mess & the 'musts' that really aren't can wait. Because there will only be <u>one</u> Saturday when my son is 12 years and 3.5 months old. There will only be <u>one</u> Saturday when my daughter is 14 years and 3 months old. <br />
I don't want to miss it. <br />
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-27969785950912030172015-07-28T12:41:00.000-07:002015-07-28T12:42:52.999-07:00"Heavenly Blueberry & Cream Angel Dessert" ~A Kitchen PostThis recipe is from:<br />
<a href="http://www.melskitchencafe.com/heavenly-blueberry-and-cream-angel-dessert/">http://www.melskitchencafe.com/heavenly-blueberry-and-cream-angel-dessert/</a><br />
<br />
Although I see that it is posted in various places online, so I can't say for sure where it originated from. I found it b/c a lady in my Sunday School class, Paula, brought it to a BBQ this past Saturday, and then kindly remembered to bring me the recipe on Sunday, b/c I had asked for it.<br />
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I think I'm a sucker for trifles. They are just SO pretty! I don't own a trifle bowl, but I have one that's very like a trifle bowl & it is good enough.<br />
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This dessert has plenty of fatty, yummy ingredients & of course it's sweet- but it doesn't over-do it on the sweetness. The blueberry filling only has 2 T of sugar and the whipped cream just 3 T of powdered sugar.<br />
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<u><b>Blueberry filling</b></u><b>:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><b>12 oz. frozen blueberries</b></li>
<li><b>2 T sugar</b></li>
<li><b>2 T cornstarch</b></li>
<li><b>1/4 c. cold water</b></li>
<li><b>1/2 T lemon juice</b></li>
</ul>
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<b><u>Cake & Cream</u>:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><b>Baked, cooled & cubed angel food cake</b>, (may not need all of it. I used a mix, but I think you can use any type of angel food cake- homemade, mix or purchase one that has already been made.) </li>
<li><b>16 oz. cream cheese, softened</b></li>
<li><b>2/3 c. half and half or evaporated milk</b></li>
<li><b>2/3 c. sugar</b></li>
</ul>
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<b><u>Whipped Cream</u>:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><b>1 1/2 c. heavy cream</b></li>
<li><b>3 T powdered sugar</b></li>
</ul>
<b><u>Directions</u>:</b><br />
<ol>
<li>For the blueberry filling, in a medium saucepan, combine the blueberries, sugar, cornstarch, water & lemon juice. Bring the mixture to a simmer & cook until thickened, 5-7 minutes, stirring often. Remove from the heat & let cool to room temperature.</li>
<li>For the cake & cream layer, in a blender or with an electric mixer whip together the cream cheese, half-and-half or evaporated milk and sugar until smooth and creamy. Transfer the mixture to a bowl if you use a blender. Fold in the angel food cake cubes. Keep in mind that you may not use all the cake cubes, especially if using an angel food cake mix. Add cake cubes unti they are all thickly coated with a layer of cream. If making this in advance, it can dry out if there is too much angel food cake added.</li>
<li>For the whipped cream, beat together the heavy cream and powdered sugar until peaks form. </li>
<li>To assemble, in a trifle dish or in a large glass blow, spread half of the angel food cake mixture. Top with half of the blueberries, spreading evenly across, and then spread half of the sweetened whipped cream. Repeat the layers.</li>
<li>Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours or up to 24 hours. Serve chilled.</li>
</ol>
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Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-2604239579493606762015-07-02T14:36:00.001-07:002015-07-02T14:36:47.767-07:00What the 4th of July Means to Me<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span class="highlightNode"> </span>Well~ This sums up a bit of it, quite well. I posted it a year ago:<br />
<br />
<span class="highlightNode">"<b>4th of July</b></span> time has to be equal in
regard to <b>family togetherness</b> as Christmas is! I just love this time of
year, in spite of the oppressive heat! I love seeing on my newsfeed
that y'all are visiting your families. I love knowing that I will spend
time with MY family, with my Sjoberg family, and this year even with my <span class="highlightNode">Smith</span> family! (That can be confusing - I am NOW a <span class="highlightNode">Smith</span>, but I actually come from Smiths. ~Disturbing, isn't it!!!) I love the <b>picnics</b> & the <b>swimming</b> & th<span class="text_exposed_show">e <b>parade</b> & the <b>fireworks</b>. I love knowing I will be at EHBC this Sunday! <span class="highlightNode">4th of July</span>
time is all about <b>our country</b> & our families. There are a lot of
patriotic holidays. I'm acutely aware of them as they each pass. But I
think I'll choose the <span class="highlightNode">4th of July</span> as
one to think about the difficulties of the families who have been left
behind due to a loved one giving his life in service for our country.
Here we are ~in Carmel or in Hodgdon, Maine~ excited for <b>sparklers</b> &
<b>watermelon</b> & <b>time with cousins</b>, truly blessed to live in the <b>USA</b>,
thankful for the <b>rich heritage</b> given to us in both our country & our
family. We should not allow this holiday time to pass without <b>thanking
God</b> for our country, without reaching out to those who have given
dearly to our country. Perhaps it means watching Saving Private Ryan or
perhaps it means having a conversation with your kids or perhaps it
means writing a letter. For me, I will be spending time with my family.
My Family. In my <b>Free Country</b>. My dear sister-in-law & her dear
family, who lost James. I get to be with my family & they don't get
to be with him. My family who lost their nephew, Aaron. The loss is
SO great & it seems even more unfair on a patriotic &
family-oriented holiday. I don't have the words. The <b>sacrifice</b> is
great. The pain is deep. '...It is for us the living, rather, to be
dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have
thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to
the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take
increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full
measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall
not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new
birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for
the people, shall not perish from the earth.' " </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">That says how I feel about as concisely as I know how. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">My grandmother, born in 1918, was very <b>patriotic</b>. <i>(My grandfather may have been as well, and although I have <u>many</u> memories of him, he went to heaven when I was 12 years old, so I don't have any specific memories of his patriotism!! However, I was in my upper 30's when my Gram died so I had many more years to observe her <span style="background-color: red;"><b>patriotism</b></span>!) </i>My grandmother served in the WAVES during WWII and my grandfather was in the army. I wish that I knew more about his personal story of being a WWII soldier. On this same side of the family I have one uncle who served in the military and two cousins. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">For the very purpose of the 4th of July, <b>Independence Day</b>, the approval of the <b>Declaration of Independence</b>, and for the added reason that I come with a heritage of patriotism, clearly & obviously, the 4th of July means <b>Our Country</b> to me. <span style="background-color: red;"><b>The United States of America</b>.</span> We express our love for our country with the colors red, white, and blue. Flags. Parades. Fireworks. Maybe singing. Prayer. Thanksgiving. We read books about our country. We learn the history of our country. We may talk to our kids about our duties as Americans. Pastors preach sermons about America & citizenship. Families watch movies about America. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Celebrating patriotic holidays makes me think about <i>what I remember</i> about my Social Studies and <span style="background-color: red;"><b>History</b></span> classes in school. <i>(I <u>guarantee</u> you that a lot more information was presented than I remember now, as a nearly 40-year old!!) </i>One year of high school was World History. <i>(Thumbs down on that year for me. I didn't like it.)</i> My favorite teacher in high school was Little Fitz and he taught my favorite two classes: Government & U.S. History. Now, I assume that I had a 4th year of History in high school, but I have <u>no</u> recollection of what that was. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show">When I was little I remember a bit about learning about Christopher Columbus 'discovering' America. I think there was even some sort of drama presentation with costumes and songs. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">It has been said that Generation 'X'ers, (of which I am one), don't have any heroes. That may be true. I remember learning about Columbus in a way that came across as though he was <u>good</u>, maybe even kind-of 'all good.' <i>(These are 'big picture' sort of memories. Nothing specific.) </i>Our founding fathers were <u>good.</u> A lot of conservative Christians today say that nearly all of our founding fathers were <u>good</u> and <u>upright </u>and <u>Christian</u>. It seems like in the past we expressed history as of course- for one thing, the winners. We won independence from England so we can write our history in a way that reflects that. We took over land from Native Americans and the history books from when I was young make that sound very different than it actually looked.</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">I have a problem with making people into heroes. Inevitably it will come out that so-and-so had a moral failure & so-and-so cut out verses from his Bible that he didn't agree with and/or want to follow. Time has a way of smoothing off these sharp & unpleasant character traits. In today's world, especially today's Christian world, what would we think of a leader who had an adulterous affair with another man's wife, got her pregnant & had her husband killed? Well, we know him as King David. One of my <i>almost</i>-heroes is Rich Mullins. His music speaks to me like nothing else. However, he is not a 'perfect' guy. He had a problems with women & with alcohol. If I had him built up as a perfect guy in my head, that would kind-of all come crashing down when I found out things about him that are truly <i>ugly</i>. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">With my kids, I point out good characteristics in a person. A good financial decision. Kindness. Compassion. Smart choices. Rather than saying a more global statement like, "Be like him!" "Be like her!" Recently we all watched 'Invictus' about Nelson Mandela and the South African rugby team. It was inspiring. Nelson Mandela showed forgiveness that is far above anything than I can even imagine. In fact, both my husband and I have been able to practice better forgiveness since then, thanks to God & because of the inspiration of this movie. So it's disappointing that Nelson Mandela had moral failures. Broken marriages. Unhappy children. Same with watching Selma. It makes you want MLK Jr. to be 'all good.' But no one is all good. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">My point is that my <b>understanding of America </b>is rooted in being taught, at least some, a sort-of fictionalized view of America. Not realistic. So sometimes I'm a bit skeptical when I read something that seems very one-sided and quite tainted with bias. It's also rooted in more realistic teaching during my teen & college years. Learning not just about Colonial America but the Civil Rights Movement. Harsher realities. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">I think we could look back at each time period of our history here in the U.S.A. and see near-heroes, truly quite good men, as well as some things and/or people that were very, very wrong. In small ways & big ways. On a family vacation we visited Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. <u>Absolutely beautiful</u>. But even the history of how that park came to be shows an ugly side of America. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">However, there is <u>so</u> much to love about our country. The <b>freedoms</b> that we have had here are unprecedented. While acknowledging that not all of our traditional American heroes have been 'good' guys & also acknowledging some truly evil and bad parts of our history, we can also acknowledge how amazing America is. I am proud of the broad sense of America and of many of the specifics. We have a lot of history that is remarkable and interesting. There were a lot of people who have given much to make our country what it is.</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">We have never been able to travel a ton, because it requires money that we usually don't have. However, we have been <u>blessed</u> to travel a lot more than others get a chance to. For some of these travels we have chosen <b>History-themed vacations</b>: In the past few years I've done the <b>Freedom Trail</b> in <b>Boston</b> twice, once with just Kevin & once with all 5 of us. We've gone to Williamsburg & <b>Yorktown</b> & <b>Jamestown</b>. These were tremendously enriching experiences. 4 years ago on a preteen mission trip that Kevin & I were leading we took our preteens to see <b>Independence Hall</b> in <b>Philadelphia</b> as well as the Betsy Ross house. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">So, the 4th of July makes me think of the <b>'Big Picture' history of America.</b> </span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">It also makes me think of <span style="background-color: red;"><b>individuals</b></span>. </span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">I grew up enjoying reading lots of historical fiction and many biographies, most centered around WWII. It's easy to look at 'history'- history of anything, in terms of the 'Big Picture'. It becomes more real when we see it as a picture of individual human beings. </span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">When James died in November of 2010 we were studying the Civil War in our homeschooling. We used a lot of great picture books. It became very hard to read those picture books. My heart ached at the loss of every single <i>individual</i>. 9 months later is when we visited Yorktown. An incoming hurricane cut our Yorktown visit short, but being in the fields of battle was <u>overwhelming</u>. The combination of patriotism, love of History, thoughts on the courage the soldiers had & sense of loss that war brings. Brought silence.</span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">So we think of individuals who have given so much for our country.</span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">The 4th of July means, to me:</span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Patriotism, The United States of America, History, Individuals who have built into our country. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="text_exposed_show">It also means <span style="background-color: red;"><b>Traditions</b></span>.</span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">It means parades & special foods & patriotic clothing & fireworks & picnics, all taking place on hot July days. </span></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show"> </span></div>
<span class="text_exposed_show">4th of July means spending time with <span style="background-color: red;"><b>FAMILY</b></span>.</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show">Every single 4th of July that I had, growing up, was spent going to the parade & going to my grandparents' farm, and ending in fireworks. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show">So the afternoons meant playing with my Sjoberg cousins in the brook & in the barn & the orchard & later at my uncle & aunt's pool. It meant homemade ice cream & treats & sun & heat & it means good, sweet memories for me. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span>
<span class="text_exposed_show">For my kids it has either meant Bangor or Hodgdon. Whether just our family, or having a few friends over, or celebrating with Foster & Sjoberg families in Hodgdon, it has also meant FAMILY. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">To me, the 4th of July means: My Country. My Freedom. My History. My Past & My Future. Traditions. Family. Food & Fun. Parades & Fireworks. Flags. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show">LOVE. </span>Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468297339229033432.post-59527269496774842822015-06-06T06:48:00.000-07:002015-06-06T06:48:29.583-07:00Your Great Grace<span style="color: blue;"><i>"It’s there in the newborn cry. There in the light of every sunrise.<br />
There in the shadows of this life. Your great grace.</i>
<i><br />
It’s there on the mountain top. There in the everyday and the mundane.<br />
There in the sorrow and the dancing. Your great grace. Oh such grace....</i></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><i>It’s there on a wedding day. There in the weeping by the graveside.<br />
There in the very breath we breathe. Your great grace.</i>
<i><br />
The same for the rich and poor. The same for the saint and for the sinner.<br />
Enough for this whole wide world. Your great grace. Oh such grace...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><i>There in the darkest night of the soul.<br />
There in the sweetest songs of victory.<br />Your grace finds me. Yes your grace finds me." -Matt Redman. </i></span><br />
<br />
In the Christian world, we have a lot of terms that we use. <br />
"Christian-ese". <br />
Like me, you may have been with a group when something like this was said: "We pray before every game & last night <b>God really showed up</b>! We won!"<br />
"God <b>answered</b>, and we had a great turnout for VBS."<br />
<br />
Now, we learn when we are very, very little, with the visual aid of a traffic light, that sometimes God says "Yes" and sometimes God says "No" and sometimes God says "Wait." <i>(and that the 'wait' answer is usually the hardest)</i><br />
<br />
And we learn to "pray without ceasing."<i> </i> (1 Thessalonians 5:17)<br />
And we learn that "the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." (James 5:17)<br />
And we memorize "you do not have because you do not ask." (James 4:2)<br />
<br />
We certainly pray & we ask.<br />
I remember when I was <i>quite</i> small, closing my eyes & praying <u>so</u> earnestly that when I opened them, there would be new Strawberry Shortcake dolls for me! I had no doubt that God was capable of doing that! I just didn't know if He <i>would</i>. <br />
As I got older I learned to understand prayer better. The incredible closeness to God that comes with <b>confession</b> & <b>thanksgiving</b> & <b>praise</b> during prayer time. Of course, supplication too. <br />
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Like the person who proclaims that God has 'shown up', we pray before sporting events. Before nearly every meal. Before bed. When we get in the car to drive somewhere. When we're scared. When we're thankful. When we need something. When we've received something. The list could go on forever. Big, big things that are truly too big for us to handle. <span class="text Rom-8-26">(..for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for <i>us</i> with <b>groanings</b> too deep for words. -Romans 8:26). <i>I have certainly experienced these times of groanings. </i>We pray for the little, little things: Baby chicks will hatch. Corn will grow. Little, scraped knees will feel better. <i>And we all know that if God cares about a sparrow, the commonest of common birds, how much more must He care about me?</i></span><br />
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<span class="text Rom-8-26">We begin to realize & experience that prayer is alligning our wills with God's will. Prayer is communicating with God. Prayer is drawing us into relationship with God. </span><br />
<span class="text Rom-8-26">But is prayer changing God's mind? Is it changing what happens? Is it <b><i>working</i></b> in that way? </span><br />
Hezekiah's prayer was answered. Abraham asking God for mercy if 10 righteous people could be found. But we know that God knows the end from the beginning. (Isaiah 46:10) We know that God does not change. (Numbers 23:19).<br />
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Did God not '<b><i>show up</i></b>' when Aaron died?<br />
Were not enough people praying when Cheryl died of cancer?<br />
If the house burns down and the business fails, does that mean that God didn't answer?<br />
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Does winning a soccer game indicate some kind of <i>approval</i> by God?<br />
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At the heart of this is what every Christian hears repeatedly from non-Christians; some version of the following: "If your God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?" <br />
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We know that <span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">"He causes His sun to rise on <i>the</i> evil and <i>the</i> good, and sends rain on <i>the</i> righteous and <i>the</i> unrighteous." (Matthew 5:45)</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">Why pray then? Is prayer just some sort of communication that is psychologically comforting to us, but doesn't really mean anything? If the answer doesn't lie in particular wording or volume of prayers, what is the answer? <i>How do we 'get' the answer that we want?</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">C.S. Lewis says:</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><i>Can we believe that God really modifies his action in response to the
suggestions of men? For infinite wisdom does not need telling what is
best, and infinite goodness needs no urging to do it. But neither does
God need any of those things that are done by finite agents, whether
living or inanimate. He could, if he chose, repair our bodies
miraculously without food; or give us food without the aid of farmers,
bakers, and butchers; or knowledge without the aid of learned men; or
convert the heathen without missionaries. Instead he allows soils and
weather and animals and the muscles, minds, and wills of men to
co-operate in the execution of his will. “God,” said Pascal, “instituted
prayer in order to lend to his creatures the dignity of causality.” But
not only prayer; whenever we act at all he lends us that dignity. It is
not really stranger, nor less strange, that my prayers should affect
the course of events than that my other actions should do so. They have
not advised or changed God's mind—that is, his overall purpose. But that
purpose will be realized in different ways according to the actions,
including prayers, of his creatures.</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">Melvin Tinker says:</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><i>God has the power and wisdom to use our prayers as he sees fit and to do
what we could never imagine. If he weren't all-powerful, there'd be
little point in praying. If he weren't all wise, it'd be dangerous to
pray; after all, who'd want to ask an all-powerful but foolish person to
do anything? But God is both perfectly wise and infinitely powerful,
which is why you and I can pray with confidence.</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><i> </i>If prayer was only 'good' for helping me understand God better, it would be enough. If prayer only accomplished a changing of <i>my</i> heart, it would be enough. However, prayer's power doesn't end there. My words are not bouncing off the ceiling. We are called to pray like Jesus did. We are <i>told </i>to pray. We are given the privilege to <b>participate</b> in the process. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">"Having granted the human race a measure of self-determination, He would be hard-pressed to steamroller it when people misuse it...." -Gracia Burnham.</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">I wish we wouldn't say that <b>"God showed up</b>."</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">I wish we wouldn't say that God has '<b>answered</b>' prayers, only when it was been a 'yes' in the way that we wanted, even in the way that seems good and right. </span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">It's hard to understand.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><i>So God </i>knew<i>, He knew, when my fiance was lovingly stroking my foot at our rehearsal, in the gorgeous yard of my great-grandparents, when my soon-to-be-husband was choosing a special verse for our wedding program, for our lives, </i>(1 Peter 3:15, btw), <i>he </i>KNEW<i> that 6 years later it would all be over!! </i>That is painful. </span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">It is painful & hard to understand how James could die. <i>(Actually, I don't like to use the word 'die' anymore, for Christians. I prefer moved to heaven.)</i> Well-loved. Well-prayed for. Serving our country. "To think that providence would, take a child from his mother while she prayed, is appalling..." -Natalie Grant.</span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">I think remembering to have a correct view of God is important. Learning & knowing <i>who He is</i>. </span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"></span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><b>God shows up</b> just as much when the soldier comes home and when he does not. </span></span></li>
<li><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><b>God shows up</b> just as much when the court results seem to be against all that God would want for families as when the results are 100% what we asked for.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><b>God shows up</b> equally for the mom who has been given the joy of 8 babies to love & hold as it does for the mom who has deep, unrelenting grief over her empty arms.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><b>God has heard our prayers</b> when our marriages stay together & when they fall apart. </span></span></li>
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"> </span></span><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">He wants <u>good</u> things for me.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">He can <i>use</i> <u>all</u> things for good.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">I will continue to seek His face. I will continue to petition. </span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj">I will recognize that~ the situations that don't turn out like I had hoped, <i>(and prayed), </i>and the sad things that happen in life due to living in a fallen world, God can teach me <u>so</u> much through these! </span></span><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"> </span></span><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"> </span></span><br />
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<span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-NASB-23280"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span>Wendy Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14752298881479730860noreply@blogger.com0