Sabbath Rest: Not just for Kids and Christians. Small change with Big Benefits. Screen-Free Days.

If I were asked for my very TOP parenting advice, asked what I have found to be the most helpful and effective, taking a "Sabbath Rest", or- "Screen-Free Sunday" would be in my top 3. 

It's not just for kids.  

The benefits are not exclusive to those who are Christians.  

It doesn't have to be Sundays.

Advice:  Take one day a week and set it aside as screen-free.  Set it aside for rest.  Set it for family & friends and pursuing healthy habits & hobbies.  Set it aside to focus on God.  A Sabbath Rest.  A Screen-free Day.

This is far from a new concept.  It is modeled in the Bible.  We are told to "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy."  (Exodus 20:8).  (Note:  I am not speaking of being legalistic about the Sabbath.  I am not suggesting we cannot mow our lawns, hang laundry, or go to a store.  Galatians 3:10 gives some insight into this.)

I am suggesting, heartily, that it is worthwhile to take approximately one day a week to REST.

Personally I do not admire the habit of being busy.  I do not strive to be pushed to the brink of exhaustion.  I cherish adequate sleep.  I have discovered all that is good about having a slowed-down lifestyle is amplified on the Sabbath Rest days.

Most students and parents love snow days!  Students love them primarily because it means that they don't have to go to school.  :)  Students love them because it means they can be outside enjoying the fresh snowfall.  My teenagers love them because it means they can sleep in and they will have more time for reading and relaxing.  I love them because when they fall on the right day, I get to stay home and be with my family. 

Taking a Sabbath Rest Day is like a snow day.  It's a day when you don't do what you normally do, (go to school, go to work), and instead you take time for family, rest, and play.  This practice has been a true joy for our family.

Spiritually speaking, taking one day out of every week to focus on the Lord helps us be less likely to drift.  (Like church being a re-set.)  More about that here:  http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2016/11/today-i-am-weary-of-people.html

"This spiritual rhythm indicates a clear love for God and His way of living and bears the fruit of relationships and health in the family."  -Brian & Angela Haynes in Relentless Parenting. 

Spending one day a week for worship and Scriptures with the faith community as well as rest, play, and time with family is halfway done if you are already in the habit of attending church every Sunday.  Our family regularly attends Sunday School, morning church and evening church.  Attending these services and traveling back and forth take up the majority of our Sundays.  The dialogue and discussion while driving as well as at the lunch table are usually lively and lengthy!  We discuss what we have learned but also just about anything else that is on our minds!

**But I did say that this isn't just for religious people.  It's not just for people who want to set aside a day of their week to primarily focus on God.

I believe the principle of a Sabbath Rest and its benefits are applicable to EVERYONE.
That is also why this is not just for kids.  In fact, when we started doing Screen-Free Sundays we told the kids -the truth- that this is just as much for us as it is for them.

We often do a family activity together on our Sabbath Rest Day.  We might go for a bike ride, kayak, or a walk.  We might visit a museum.  We usually are working on a book as a family, reading aloud.   We play games.  We might do a service project together, or even a group chore, such as piling firewood.  We like to use our Sabbath Rest Day as a day to have company over for a meal.  We are in no hurry to leave the table and we eat slowly, we talk and listen.  We might take a walk with our company or play a game. Sometimes both!  We might visit a neighbor or family or friends.

It is counter-cultural to intentionally have a slow-paced day.  It is absolutely fighting upstream.  But it's worth it!  In our family, it makes a marked & noticeable difference.

For us, a Sabbath Rest is heavily intertwined with the necessity that it be a screen-free day.

My personal observations about screen time, particularly individualized screen time which is usually social media on a personal device, but can include TV and movies too:

• Screen time can be a time waster.  
• Often if given the choice of a screen, we will take it.  Therefore we often choose not to engage in conversation.  We choose not to pursue healthy habits & hobbies.  We might not even sleep as much as we should.
• Screen time can aid us in being selfish.  No longer do we have to listen to the variety of songs the radio provides or what someone else in the room is listening to.  We can put our ear buds in so that we only have to listen to what we want.  
• Screen time gives us instant gratification.  There are very few things we have to wait for.  
• Social media can cause us to compare, bringing discontentment and depression.  
• Although a genuine relationship in real life can carry into social media, social media should not take the place of face-to-face interactions and conversations.   

I certainly did not anticipate what a parenting challenge "Screen Time" would be.  For years we had dial-up internet.  Our three children PLAYED.  A lot.  They used their imaginations.  They spent hours & hours in the woods, in the playhouse, role-playing, building Littlest Pet Shop worlds, and decorating Playmo-Merica!  (The part of the basement with all the Playmobil, a favorite toy!)  All three of them love to read.  We play games as a family.  We love to spend time outdoors.  Sleep has always been a top priority.  There was a time when our weekly screen time included Little House on the Prairie episodes on Saturday nights and one or two PBS shows during the week.

 

We are now quite removed from that time!

Personally I would not have given my children smart phones, which they both have.  We are not unique in our blended family/ co-parenting struggles!  However, looking at the positive:  My children are learning responsible use of these devices while they are still in my home.  It needs to be said that if I were not co-parenting, it is likely this would be easier.

The difference I see on screen-free days is HUGE.  Well worth it.  Here are some benefits:

• We pursue healthy habits & hobbies.  This was my primarily purpose when we instituted screen-free days.  What does that look like for us?  We read more.  We are outside more.  We are more likely to take a nap.  I have observed a significant difference.  I go to bed earlier on screen-free days.  Screen-free days give us a "forced freedom" to pursue learning a musical instrument, writing, baking, etc.
• We are more creative.  Or perhaps, we have time to be creative because we are not being constantly entertained and distracted. On a good day, we have time to be bored!
• For one day a week we are putting a halt to the negative effects of screen time.
• In putting aside the negative effects of screen time we are improving our social skills, our conversational skills, our real-life relationships.

 

I am not militant about Sabbath Rests and/or Screen-free Sundays.
Being inflexible & uncompromising may get me the outward behavior and adherence to rules that I desire, but it does nothing to keep my child's heart, which is far more precious than not looking at a screen for a day. 

Yes, you may Snapchat for a minute so you don't lose your "streak".  (The things I never knew I would encounter!)
Yes, if we required most of your Saturday- With chores or a conference or family time, you may have your screen on Sunday.
Yes, if you need to, you may do homework on our Rest Day.
Sometimes my husband needs to work on our Rest Day, particularly during hunting season.
Usually I will allow 10 minutes at the end of the day for phones to be looked at and messages to be returned.
Often we allow much more than that and plenty of weeks we don't quite have a Sabbath Rest or a Screen-Free Day.  It happens. Often.

Maybe for your family it can't be Sunday.  So choose another day.  Maybe it can't be a whole day.  Maybe for your family taking the first two hours of the evening, each day, will accomplish the same benefits.  Maybe the thought of mutiny causes you to be too afraid to try it!  Perhaps you can start out with one Sabbath Rest Day a month, or two Screen-Free Days a month.

Please know that I get flak.  I get push-back.  And yet, each picture placed in this blog post is from just this past year.  My teenagers, too old to really 'play', have benefited greatly from restful, God-focused, screen-free days.  As have I.  And you can too!  I highly recommend it!  Not once -ever- have we regretted a Sabbath Rest or a Screen-free Day.  Quite the opposite.

One for the Mamas!

Some days are all glory and flowers.  Hope & peace & joy & fulfillment. 
Some days are not!

Some days are carefully constructed "Thankful Trees".

Some days- The pumpkin sits with no words written on it.

Even though this was the plan:

Some days we adjust.  And we throw our plans out the window.  Because some days our children need remarkable crafts from us and devotions that inspire and activities that become catalyst for thought.  And some days they need to be picked up early & they need a hug, some medicine, some essential oils & to be tucked in.  And some days they need to see that we can change our plans because we need to rest, or they need to rest, or a neighbor needs us.  

Mamas, one of the primary ways you are being salt & light in this world is by being a mama to these people you call children!!

And, oh to realize that it looks almost nothing like you thought it would, like you think it should, but that it is everything that it is supposed to be.  

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."  -Galatians 6.

"Perfect thankful trees are deceptive and thankful pumpkins are fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."  -Proverbs 31.  Or something like that!!!

Parenting Hacks #1~ A Parenting Post

This past Saturday I participated in a 'Trunk or Treat' at my church.  I chose to give out pencils & clementines & stickers & tattoos.  A blogpost idea popped into my head when a mom of very young children told me that she liked my treats and didn't know what to do with all the candy.

I'm no expert, however, I have indeed 'been there, done that' in regards to parenting younger children.  So although I have no 'hacks' -yet- for older kids, I have a few 'clever solutions to tricky problems', (that's the urban definition of 'hack'), for parenting younger children.

So, in no particular order....

1.  Use Halloween Candy for Gingerbread Houses, Etc.
     This is the advice I gave the mom with the young children.  We make gingerbread houses every year & we have never eaten them.  We use them as decorations until mid-February and then we enjoy smashing them!  Pick out the Halloween candy that would look good on a gingerbread house and is colorful and save it for gingerbread houses.

    Each year we would also save the mini m&ms and any other small chocolate-y items for Christmas cookies.  

    One year we did Science experiments with some of the candy.

   We save quality hard candy, like dum-dums, for our Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes.

   We throw out some Halloween candy, we eat a good amount & Halloween also provides an opportunity for self-regulation.  

2.  Make & Use some Grocery Store Cards

   To make grocery shopping easier & more fun for my kids, (keep in mind that we didn't have cell phones & other electronics when my kids were little & even if we had I am doubtful I would have used them for a shopping distraction), I made these super-simple index cards.  I cut out pictures of foods we frequently bought, glued them on cards & wrote the item.  Then, when I made my shopping list each week I pulled out the cards that corresponded with my list.  I would give my kids one card at a time & ask them to find that item for me.  For example, when we were in the produce area I might give them a 'grapefruit' card and instruct them to find the grapefruit, get two, and bring them back to me.  If the item were tomatoes & I might not want them to actually be picking them up, I would give the tomato card and ask them to find the tomatoes for me so that Mommy could get them.

3.  Try lots of new foods!

    There was a time when for one school year we had very, very busy Wednesdays.  My stepdaughter would go to school in the morning, get picked up after school & go directly to a weekly appointment, get picked up from that appointment & have a small space of time, not long enough to go home, and then go to AWANA until 8:00 p.m.  This made for very long days.  Wednesdays were also long for my children.  We had a little time at home in the morning for school, we then drove 25 miles to our Science classes.  We then had music lessons & library book clubs & more schooling done at the library.  We would pick up my stepdaughter and, as mentioned, they would then be at AWANA 'til 8:00.  I used to call Wednesdays 'Marathon Days'.  

   I decided early on during that school year that I wanted to do something special each week as we ate dinner in our vehicle.  I wanted to avoid buying them sugary treats and I decided that each week we would try a new fruit or veggie.  So, SO simple, however it was fun!!  

    Sometimes we 'cheated' and we had caramel apples.  Sometimes I had to prepare the food at home, such as when we tried yuca.  Sometimes we didn't like the new fruit or veggies & no eating was required after one bite.  We tried dried fruits and tropical fruits & jicama.  It became a fun tradition and helped lighten up our 'marathon days'.  We still enjoy trying new things and just this week we tried the beautiful dragon fruit for the first time.

4.  Keep in Mind the Idea that Life will always get to be MORE, MORE, MORE.  Start Simply.  It's easy & natural to go from Simple to Complex.  It's very hard to go from Complex to Simple.

   What do I mean by that?  For one year I taught P.E.  Even though I played sports in school, teaching P.E. was outside of my comfort zone.  Therefore, I did a lot of preparation.  I read about how to be a P.E. teacher.  I asked questions.  One of the ideas/ truths that really stuck out at me was that I needed to establish from the beginning of the year the standards, expectations, practices & routines for my classes.  Why?  Because the natural course is for 'slippage.'  Slippage will occur, so I needed to begin at fairly high level of conduct.  

  I think this idea applies to many things about parenting.  One that comes to mind is Christmas stockings.  However I am sure the concept can be applied to presents in general.  Stockings will get more expensive and more complex as your children grow up.  That's just natural.  My suggestion is to start simply.  Noelle's first stocking, when she was one or two, contained a pair of socks, a pear, a box of animal crackers & some raisins.  After that, the animal crackers & raisins became a tradition for us and they get those in their stockings each year.  

   Yes, I am aware of the stories of kids getting oranges & pennies & cough drops & deodorant in their stockings.  However, I am here to tell you that is no longer the norm.  Kids are getting $15 itunes cards as a 'stocking stuffer.'  (That would be a gift in our home!)  Gone are the days when most kids are receiving essentials and needed items as gifts.  A parent needs to be creative if they desire to shield their children from the materialism and self-centeredness that our culture encourages.  It is hard when 'everyone else' gets $200 worth of 'stuff' for Christmas.  However, if you begin when they are small with simple traditions & teaching contentment, it will pay off.  

5. Holiday 'Playing':

  I have an idea for a second 'Parenting Hacks' post that will include ideas that are less specific and more about my parenting philosophy.  I just asked Noelle & Micah if they could think of anything to add to this post and Noelle came up with this next one.  As I have shared in this blog, I 'love me' a good reason to celebrate!  I could fill several blogposts on ways that we celebrate & suggestions I have.

   This idea is simple.  (I sense a theme.  Perhaps the best things in life really are the simple ones!?!)  Several days before we decorate our Christmas tree, we get out the boxes of ornaments.  Each child has their own box.  In years past, the children would PLAY for hours with their ornaments!!  They would spread out and each would get a space in the living room.  Magic happened as each ornament was unwrapped.  Thoughts & Feelings associated with the person who gave the ornament or the story behind it or why it was liked.  That was stage one!  Stage two was actually playing with them, like toys.  Cars are moving & horses are galloping & dancers are twirling.  People & animals are meeting each other & all things are fitting together in a make-believe Ornament World.  (Thanks for that memory, Noelle!)  

  We used to do something similar with empty, plastic Easter eggs.  About a month before Easter I get out the Easter baskets & decorations & books & also the empty eggs.  The kids loved playing with the eggs when they were even little, even as toddlers.  They carried eggs around in their baskets.  ('Container Play' if you are in early childhood education!!!)  They transferred the eggs from one basket to another.  They hid them and created Easter egg hunts for each other.  They sorted them by color and size.  This kind of playing primed them for the holiday.  It also only came around once a year because once the holiday was over, eggs & ornaments were packed away until next year, making it special when they came out again.

We all have 'hacks' to share.

Marriage hacks.  Work hacks.  Friendship hacks.  Family hacks.  

The book of Titus urges the older women to mentor the younger women, in marriage, proper conduct, walking with God, and also in parenting.  I have so thoroughly enjoyed parenting my children in these younger years that I'm thrilled to share just a few of my ideas, for what they are worth!

   

    

   

The Family Table, a Labor Day Weekend Tradition ~A Parenting Post

"...Who, day & night, must scramble for a living,

Feed a wife & children, say his daily prayers?...

...Who must know the way to make a proper home?

A quiet home?  A kosher home?

Who must raise the family & run the home?...

...TRADITION!  TRADITION!  TRADITION!"

There can be no doubt that traditions provide security.  They are often statements that speak to the worldview & belief system of the home/family/community.

I have mentioned several times in this blog the idea that sometimes the best traditions are those that sprout up organically.  I did a post about our 'Annual Martin Luther King Jr. Ice Fishing Weekend' tradition:  http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/01/creating-special-maine-post-family-post.html

We just celebrated a similar, organic tradition.

This is the 6th year we have had a Labor Day Weekend Sunday night backyard campout followed by a Monday morning 'restaurant' for breakfast!  

I can't explain how it started I can only say that this is the sort of thing we have to offer as a family.  This is an accurate example of the type of life Kevin & I have built for the kids.  We love family time.  We play a lot of games as a family.  Read books as a family.  Bike & hike & kayak & canoe & fish & camp as a family.  Watch movies as a family.  Volunteer & work as a family.  Shared experiences & family togetherness are high on our priority list.  This tradition is so simple.  Silly really.  But it sprouted up out of love & a desire to make something fun & surprising & exciting for a 6 year old & an 8 year old & a 9 year old and it grew into what we expect and something to feel secure about, knowing that this will happen, we will do this and in the end it is a statement of Family Fun & Togetherness.

And this year those three children, ages 6, 8 & 9, have grown into two children at home, ages 11 & 13.  Hurdle #1 to our warm, fuzzy-feeling tradition:  My stepdaughter, age 14, no longer lives with us.  She knows she is welcome to join us any and/or every day for any reason, for as long as she would like to!  We sure miss her!  But for now she has chosen not to.  I admit when I dug out the past 'restaurant' menus that the tears slid down my face as I remembered the very good times when she was here, (like past Labor Day Weekends), and felt so sad that she wouldn't be joining us this year.  Hurdle #2:  Noelle & Micah were flying home from Texas the Sunday night of Labor Day Weekend.  So we decided to make the camp out Monday night & do the breakfast on Tuesday.  Then their flights got changed & they ended up not arriving home until dark on Monday.  We decided to scratch the 'camping out' part & just do the breakfast!  Micah slept upstairs in Noelle's room, so it still felt like a cozy sleepover for them, but they were both very tired from a vacation in Texas and a long day of travel.

Two-Part Tradition:  

#1:  Camp Out!

Sometimes this has meant in tents, but we've also tried the trampoline & in the play house!!

We have often coupled 'fun things' with the annual camp out:  Drive In movie, campfire, game night, Free Day to Play, etc.

#2:  'Restaurant' Breakfast

This means that when they come inside in the morning, the table is set & pretty & there are menus!!  By the second year we started calling our Labor Day restaurant 'The Family Table.'  

Junky food that is normally not in our home, like pop tarts & toaster strudel appears on these menus!

How fun is it to get to order a meal at home!?  Mom  The Waitress takes the order & takes it in the kitchen to Mom The Cook who prepares it!!  

Sometimes The Family Table provides crayons & things to do while you wait for your order!

And then... the food arrives!!!  (Usually a bit at a time!!!)

I imagine that someday when, Lord willing, my grandchildren visit~

~we may have a camp out & a surprise 'restaurant' breakfast!  

And perhaps even when the 11 & 13 year olds become high schoolers & college students & real, bona fide adults (!) visiting their Marmee, they may rise from their slumber to see menus on the table.

The Family Table.

And memories will rush back as warm as the eggs they are about to be served!

'The fondest memories are made when gathered around the table.'