Kevin says that the first time he remembers meeting me was at a Sunday evening service at our church. (btw, my favorite service) We were regular attenders and he & D were hanging out in the back pew. I liked to keep Noelle with me for the singing time, so apparently on my way out the back & toward the nursery, I saw a new face and offered to show this man where the nursery was.
This is important because this was the first time I met my future stepdaughter, D!
(I very much wish I had pictures from these early days, but they are all on film & tucked away somewhere, so the pictures will only reflect the past few, digital-camera years!)
Skip ahead to D being five years old and I started dating her father! This means I have been part of her birthday celebrations since she was turning 6 years old! What a privilege. Plus I just so happen to love parties!
Well today she graduates from 8th grade. 14 years old. An unknown future in the hands of a known God.
It is no secret that the stepmother-stepdaughter relationship is thought to be the most difficult of all the possible blended family relationships. There are some pretty good reasons for that.
But let me tell you about what I know. (Seeing as the truth sets us free & all!)
1. Her father has been all-in.
Seriously all in. Picking up the broken pieces and being there. Daily Presence. Combing hair & sleepovers & pets & parent-teacher conferences & fun traditions like the girls doing his hair & making sure the door stayed open for a good relationship with the other parent & lice shampoo. Always extra clothes in the truck. Rides on the lawn mower & time spent on bike rides & fishing & camping and the list truly goes on. We all make sacrifices as parents. But I want to declare - that this dad, my husband, he has done well with her, by her, for her. Meals cooked & prayers said & tears shed & hopes for a better tomorrow. Clothes sewn & toys mended & literally 1.4 bagillion unnoticed-here-on earth efforts that matter. What a wonderful gift to her. Truth.
2. She has had some great spiritual training.
We have plugged into every available resource we could plug into!! Camp Fairhaven, Living Waters, Adventures in Odyssey, Passport to Purity, AWANA, Pioneer Club, Truth Chasers Mailbox Club, CEF Wilderness Camp, Bible Bee, Manna, Community Kids, Youth Group, Retreats, Adventures in Odyssey, and I am sure there are more. A big influence has of course been our local church. Both Kevin & I were very involved at Church of the Open Door and D attended Sunday School and church under wonderful teaching. VBS and opportunities to minister such as the GROUP preteen mission trip Kevin & I led. D has had the privilege these past 2 years to attend Christian school. I cannot forget the myriad of people who have built into her, grandparents & relatives & teachers & family friends.
In our family the goal we have for each person to love God and serve him supersedes all other goals. Grades, careers, accomplishments, sports - these are all very much secondary to each child truly knowing God and following Him. Therefore, our home structure is set up to help accomplish this, imperfect though we are at it. Family devotional time is core to our very being. We try to make decisions based on how the decision will affect spiritual life. We approach every decision this way, big decision or small decision. Truth.
Years ago I gave D a little leather heart for Valentine's Day and I recorded this message on it: "D- my prayer for you is that you will see life from God's point of view and use what you know in a way that pleases God. I love you. Love, Wendy." This remains a good summation of my prayer for her.
3. We have been a family.
As a family we have tried things, re-tried things, messed up, grown, grown up, and through it all we have been together! It hasn't been perfect but I can look back and see oh-so many blessings! Our family identity includes, not just #1-2, (a devoted dad & spiritual growth priority), but shared interests. Our family likes to do a little bit of lots of outdoor things: hike, bike, kayak, canoe, fish, camp, snowshoe, xcountry ski. We love to play games! We like to watch movies & TV shows together. Some of our favorite TV shows are: Little House on the Prairie, Down East Dickering, North Woods Law, and Duck Dynasty. We like to do kinda hillbilly-crazy things like snow-mo-boating!! We like campfires & stromboli. We have some super-fun and memorable family traditions like Labor Day Weekend camping-in-the-backyard and Family Table Restaurant Breakfast & MemoriaI Day Camping and Family Game Night. I am so very thankful that for these years D has been here to be a part of this family and who we are as a family. You can't absorb what you aren't present for. This has built significant security into D. Truth!
4. We have great, seriously great memories.
I cannot go into details without crying because the days have been long but the years have been short indeed. Crying & hugging in my lap at the dentist office when the worst was over, ice cream after school concerts, practicing the flute, (okay, maybe that isn't a fun memory!!), days & days & days of camping, trying on clothes & crafts galore. Vacations to Florida, Virginia, Ohio, Martha's Vineyard, New Hampshire, Prince Edward Island. This list could go on forever. Shared experiences. Truth.
(I have to stop myself here or I will/could/would literally put 5,482 pictures in this one post. Because that is how many good ones I have.)
A devoted dad, an upbringing that has tried to put spiritual growth first, an intentional family life & wonderful memories. That is a lot to be thankful for!
The best words I can find to express my heart toward D are found in the words to some songs I posted this past February, on the night before an important court date for our family. They can be found here:
In addition, to change some of the songs in this Rascal Flatts song:
"I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where God wants you to goAnd if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the One that means the best for you.
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' ~til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that God wants it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know Somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that God wants it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know Somebody loves you."
Yes, yes indeed. Somebody and somebodies love you.
We are glad when you are here & we miss you when you are not!
Our daily prayers are with you as one journey has ended and another awaits.
Our love is with you & for you & on you, no matter the choices or the distance.
You are something special. You have been bought with a price. God has a tremendous and exciting plan made specifically for YOU.
I would have, should have never given up in this department. Keep pressing on even when it's tough. Parenting
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