Peace to Be Me. ~A Wendy Post

I'm not sure why sometimes I look around
& look within
& only see what I am lacking and not what I have experienced success in.

I am at the age & stage when personal growth has naturally come to the forefront & is quite important to me.  I want to model for my kids a confidence & acceptance in who I am.  These themes occur repeatedly in my blog posts because I am learning to accept myself with where I am at- this moment, this day.  I place a great importance on 'keeping it real' because I respect genuineness in others.  This assurance does not turn a blind eye to weaknesses and areas that truly need improvement.  In fact, I believe we are at the best starting point to improve & change what needs to be changed when we can accept who we are right now.  This is what I want to model, but I have a ways to go!!!

The perspective that Jesus and His Word gives us complements this idea.
Thirsty?  Come- whosoever.  There is grace.
Also- God placed the parts in the body, every one, just as He wanted them to be.

Some of my successes in recent years include:

• fording rivers & hiking mountains & staying nights alone in the wilderness.
• using the same flat cloth diapers for newborns and for two-year olds.
• tending goats & detecting estrus & helping deliver kids & bottle raising kids & twice daily milking a goat.
• throwing great birthday parties & homeschool Valentine parties & homeschool field days.
• making all kinds of jam & canning spaghetti sauce & pickles & dilly beans & relish.
• raising chickens and ducks.
• feeding & clothing a family on a shoestring budget.
• leading regular family devotions.
• learning how to knit.
• navigating the difficult waters of being a stepmom.
• Homeschooling two very different children for 5 years.

I don't want to look at my kitchen and think, 'Man, I really stink at decorating & I kinda stink at keeping things clean too!!' I want to think, 'Man, I am good about not using paper products & I make a lot of homemade meals & I prioritize time with family and time to re-charge over having a squeaky clean home, plus I've saved myself from spending a lot of money of decor!'  

And I want to go into a friend's house and think, 'How cool that she is so darn good at decorating!  Her kitchen is so beautiful to look at!' and have that be totally-not-threatening to me because it is indeed okay with me that she is good at something and has a passion for something that I really don't care about.  We are giving different things to our kids and since God places our kids in our families he knows what they need!  Plus, how can my friend help me with gardening if that isn't a gift for her & how can I help my friend with berry picking if that isn't my passion?  

We need to be different and yet we pick on each other's differences & rate and rank them as though all of life were some kind-of contest.  Maybe even mostly we pick on our own differences and rate them.  (I can feel good about myself because I have taken up running again & am sticking with it but I feel badly about myself because I didn't follow through with the oil pulling, plus my teeth are not that great & I really wish I had a more magnetic personality, although my need for alone time does lead to a lot of self reflection and this helps me identify areas that need change and improve myself, but then I don't put as much time as I should into cleaning my home...')

#ohdear  

'I should'.  Says who?  Because if it is not God telling you that you should than it is worth examining.  Whether it is the voice of someone else or your own internal voice telling you that you are just not good enough and you are basically good at the wrong things because if you were good at the 'right' things you would be more acceptable... in the eyes of others?  In our own eyes?  When you arrive at a place of healing & a place of acceptance then you can take those should comments in stride!  Whether they are from within or from the outside.

Why yes!  I absolutely should journal!  Good idea!  I think I'll get started!  or...

Why yes!  I absolutely should journal!  However, I know that isn't very practical for me right now.  I'm working on some other things and you know- I can't do it all, and that is very okay with me.  Maybe someday!!  

Either one.  Comes with a peace in the heart and mind that says It is okay.

God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

God says that there is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Giving permission to yourself as well as not requiring permission from others to be YOU.  Glorious You.  Glorious Me.  

Did you know God delights in me??  That's  wondrous thought!

Glorious Me, I decided to spend a big portion of my day knitting.  Because it is calming & something that I like to do.  Because I am probably the only auntie making a sweater for this new baby.  Because that is what I have to offer, not just to Baby Boy but to myself.  I offered myself a calm, quiet day of knitting, amongst the mess!  And for the next few hours I will offer myself the joy that comes through listening to 'my programs' while I fold laundry & sweep & wash dishes.

And for sure my 'balance' is not the same as the 'balance' of another, or another, or another.
And I don't have it right but I also may not have it wrong.
Let me be me.
And Lord, please help me to parent these charges in a way that lets them be them.  Help me to shape them & guide them according to the bent that you have given them.