Flowers for the Living

I have debated whether or not to write this post.  God has the power to heal the Dear One who this post is about.  I don't want to embarrass this Dear One.  However, tonight, when 'the memories snuck out my eyes & down my cheeks' I knew that I wanted to write it.  The idea of 'flowers for the living' has won out.  I'm not going to include Dear One's name & I'm not going to insert any pictures.  If you know me well you may know who the Dear One is, and that is okay.  Perhaps she is dear to you too!

Ugly, scary Cancer knocked on her door last year.
Not fair.

But I want to tell you why I love her.  The Dear One.

And you know, ~I've said it before~, although I care about many people, my circle of people on the inside is rather small:  Family & few friends.  And Dear One is in it.  Family, really, although not actually family.  And because I'm less-than-great about keeping in regular contact I want Dear One to know that that's where she belongs.  In the small Family Circle.

So yes, I love Dear One.
She is a very good friend of my mother's.  She has simply always been in my life.  From my treasured pewter baby cup from her to a goat card that she gave me recently.  But Dear One is so much more, (obviously!), than the mere things she has provided for us.

Although it should be said that she has absolutely spoiled us.  Classic example?  Each year of my childhood & quite a few of my adulthood she has bought me a Christmas tree ornament.  Special & chosen just for me, centered around something meaningful to me.  How special is that?   Dear One used to stay in my room when she came to visit & she would usually leave me a little gift for 'letting' her use my room.  Once she left a little cloth jewelry box that matched, (by coincidence), a dress that my mom had made me.  Special.

She is Time Together.  No doubt we love her so much, in part, because we have spent so much time with her.  She did not & does not live in Maine, however she would visit us and several times she went on vacation with our family.  Boothbay Harbor.  Niagara Falls.  Florida.  Belfast.  Did I miss any?  Were you in P.E.I. with us, Dear One?  Mom has taken additional trips, sans children, with Dear One.  In Florida, I was 12 and it was a Big Vacation.  Cypress Gardens, Magic Kingdom, Sea World, Busch Gardens.  The whole Florida bit.  My brothers & my parents stayed with my grandparents & I stayed with Dear One.  I was 'in love' with Greg Louganis at the time & if Dear One noticed she was wise enough to not embarrass me by saying anything.

So you see, these warm family togetherness memories, she is all swirled up in them.  Part of them.  These are the exact things I value so highly as an adult and do with my children so you can imagine their importance in my life.  Family game nights at home.  Good food.  Small indulgences.  Vacations.  Swirled in.  

Even much-needed correction, applied when it was necessary.  By my teens I should have known better, but I didn't.  I hated mowing the lawn.  Dear One was visiting and I imagine I was on slightly better behavior because of that but as I mentioned she is family so I suppose I wasn't on good enough behavior.  And she called me on it.  Actually, without words.  She called me on my lack of willingness to help, to obey, to have a good attitude about it, and also the reminder that it was hard on my mom when I was choosing to be difficult.

I'm sure there have been many examples of we kids irritating her, but to be honest she never made me feel like I was irritating her.  She has participated in our joys & our sorrows.  From showing and telling things when I was little to much bigger, deeper things as an adult:  divorce.  changing churches.

Dear One has shown me how to have an opinion.  Agreeing is not always necessary, but it is 'okay' and necessary to have an opinion.
Dear One was the first to teach me about being environmentally conscious.
Gave me my first taste of shrimp.  And Jelly Bellies.  (She likes the pear ones.)
Dear One opened up doors of culture for our family.  An appreciation of art & music & nature & beauty.

And, oh the laughter!  I can always use more laughter in my life as I am so serious about most things.  I greatly appreciate it and need it!!!

Dear One has built into my children too!  Many time actually.
Dear One has given me the example of a Great Friendship, the one she has with my mom.

I can't leave out the Spiritual Significance.  However I have been so blessed to be nearly completely surrounded by Strong Faiths that it was/is not unusual to have someone close with a strong faith in Jesus, but it certainly is not unnoticed or unappreciated.  It was a given.  It has been constant.  Dear One has been a good example.  Dear One is a good example.

So- Dear One:  I love you.  Unashamedly and with Great Love.  I grieve this Ugly Cancer for you.  with you.  But Ugly Cancer cannot take away:
~Tiptoeing through the tulips
~The WIDE-MOUTH frog
~Rice Bowls
~Lobster rolls
~The ocean
~Having the hood slam into the windshield at highway-speed, scaring us 1/2 to death & smashing the windshield!
~Squeaky, sounds-like-farting, cushions on kitchen chairs
~Authors
~Fan collections
~CT rivers
~Finger trails on my back & a guessing game to guess the letter

and You.  Beyond the example you have been & the memories we have with you & the things you have provided & the light you've shone into our lives.  You.  We LOVE you.

The Family Table, a Labor Day Weekend Tradition ~A Parenting Post

"...Who, day & night, must scramble for a living,

Feed a wife & children, say his daily prayers?...

...Who must know the way to make a proper home?

A quiet home?  A kosher home?

Who must raise the family & run the home?...

...TRADITION!  TRADITION!  TRADITION!"

There can be no doubt that traditions provide security.  They are often statements that speak to the worldview & belief system of the home/family/community.

I have mentioned several times in this blog the idea that sometimes the best traditions are those that sprout up organically.  I did a post about our 'Annual Martin Luther King Jr. Ice Fishing Weekend' tradition:  http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/01/creating-special-maine-post-family-post.html

We just celebrated a similar, organic tradition.

This is the 6th year we have had a Labor Day Weekend Sunday night backyard campout followed by a Monday morning 'restaurant' for breakfast!  

I can't explain how it started I can only say that this is the sort of thing we have to offer as a family.  This is an accurate example of the type of life Kevin & I have built for the kids.  We love family time.  We play a lot of games as a family.  Read books as a family.  Bike & hike & kayak & canoe & fish & camp as a family.  Watch movies as a family.  Volunteer & work as a family.  Shared experiences & family togetherness are high on our priority list.  This tradition is so simple.  Silly really.  But it sprouted up out of love & a desire to make something fun & surprising & exciting for a 6 year old & an 8 year old & a 9 year old and it grew into what we expect and something to feel secure about, knowing that this will happen, we will do this and in the end it is a statement of Family Fun & Togetherness.

And this year those three children, ages 6, 8 & 9, have grown into two children at home, ages 11 & 13.  Hurdle #1 to our warm, fuzzy-feeling tradition:  My stepdaughter, age 14, no longer lives with us.  She knows she is welcome to join us any and/or every day for any reason, for as long as she would like to!  We sure miss her!  But for now she has chosen not to.  I admit when I dug out the past 'restaurant' menus that the tears slid down my face as I remembered the very good times when she was here, (like past Labor Day Weekends), and felt so sad that she wouldn't be joining us this year.  Hurdle #2:  Noelle & Micah were flying home from Texas the Sunday night of Labor Day Weekend.  So we decided to make the camp out Monday night & do the breakfast on Tuesday.  Then their flights got changed & they ended up not arriving home until dark on Monday.  We decided to scratch the 'camping out' part & just do the breakfast!  Micah slept upstairs in Noelle's room, so it still felt like a cozy sleepover for them, but they were both very tired from a vacation in Texas and a long day of travel.

Two-Part Tradition:  

#1:  Camp Out!

Sometimes this has meant in tents, but we've also tried the trampoline & in the play house!!

We have often coupled 'fun things' with the annual camp out:  Drive In movie, campfire, game night, Free Day to Play, etc.

#2:  'Restaurant' Breakfast

This means that when they come inside in the morning, the table is set & pretty & there are menus!!  By the second year we started calling our Labor Day restaurant 'The Family Table.'  

Junky food that is normally not in our home, like pop tarts & toaster strudel appears on these menus!

How fun is it to get to order a meal at home!?  Mom  The Waitress takes the order & takes it in the kitchen to Mom The Cook who prepares it!!  

Sometimes The Family Table provides crayons & things to do while you wait for your order!

And then... the food arrives!!!  (Usually a bit at a time!!!)

I imagine that someday when, Lord willing, my grandchildren visit~

~we may have a camp out & a surprise 'restaurant' breakfast!  

And perhaps even when the 11 & 13 year olds become high schoolers & college students & real, bona fide adults (!) visiting their Marmee, they may rise from their slumber to see menus on the table.

The Family Table.

And memories will rush back as warm as the eggs they are about to be served!

'The fondest memories are made when gathered around the table.'