"Have you been productive?"
"Have you had a productive day?"
[cringe]
Well, what do you consider productive?
Are you asking if my laundry is done, my dishes are done, my house is clean?
Are you asking if all of these are done- at the same time!?
Are you asking if I exercised & had my devotions?
Why in the world are you asking me that?
Maybe you are asking because I've shared that I struggle with balance & feeling frustrated when my house is messy.
Is it considered "productive" for me to sit in my car in the driveway for 45 minutes after I arrive home because this is the exact time that my teenager needs a listening ear?
Is it "productive" for me to REST?
Is it "productive" for me to rest, even if my house is still messy? Even if there is still more to do?
Like most moms I am really hardest on myself and it is with my self that I need to reconcile the reality that I cannot have it all, I cannot do it all.
Recently I mentioned to another mom that it was so much easier for me when I was homeschooling, (and working!). Now that I am working 5 days a week I find it very challenging if not impossible to find time to clean as much as I would like to. When I homeschooled we had adequate "family time" because we were together all the time and fitting that in came easily. Now, we look to weekends and evenings for family time, leaving me even less time for cleaning! I really appreciate how the mom responded. She said that she thinks it is harder to homeschool than to work, and reminded me that our personalities, preferences and giftings play strongly into which we find more rewarding or more challenging or more natural. This is very true. I am personally most satisfied when I get to spend lots of time with my family and lots of time at home. That's not true for everyone.
Today I took a day off work because I was desperate to "curb the crazy chaos" that is my house right now!! Why is my house a crazy, chaotic mess right now? Mostly because I can't have it all!!
I can't possibly work 5 days a week, drive 2.5 hours a day, make homemade meals, have goats & chickens, attend church on Sundays, enjoy my hobbies, invest in my marriage, spend time in the Word & in prayer, wash dishes & laundry, run errands, have a garden, spend time with friends & family AND have an immaculate house. I just can't!
Moms, the first step is realizing that we cannot do everything.
We all know this in our heads. We all know that we can't, but then we go ahead and try to do it all anyway!! We secretly think that somehow we are different . We can do it all. Or just as wrong- we think that we should do it all.
The second step is to prioritize.
Priorities often change with the seasons of life. Maybe you are taking a child to speech therapy three times a week and physical therapy three times a week and between that and all it means to have a baby and a two year old, you are exhausted! Maybe you are in an important stage of your career and right now your career needs more attention than you have had to give it in the past. Maybe you are in school. Maybe you are emotionally and/or physically exhausted from an illness, a difficulty, and most of your output goes to that, leaving little left for other things.
What are your priorities for right now, based on your personality, situation, preferences, etc?
Maybe having a spotless house is non-negotiable for you, and you don't work outside of the house, and you can make that work. Great. Maybe making homemade meals isn't important at all to you. Don't stress about it- that's fine! Put your energies elsewhere.
Comparison destroys contentment. Don't compare your weakness to someone else's strengths. I personally will stay up all night making cake pops, knitting a sweater, scrapbooking, getting ready for a Field Day. Those types of things energize me and I enjoy them greatly. I am terrible at decorating. Not only am I lousy at it, I honestly don't really care. I don't even have curtains at my house. 20 windows in my house and only 2 have curtains. I just don't even think they matter!! But I could start feeling quite cruddy about myself if I thought I was supposed to- Celebrate holidays, (a strength of mine), AND be an awesome decorator. I'm not. I'm just not! God didn't make me that way!
So at this stage in my life my priorities are:
- Sending both my kids to Christian school.
- Homesteading: Maple syrup, Gardens, Foraging, Dairy goats & chickens, etc.
- Investing in my marriage.
- Quality time with family.
- Time with God. (Church, devotions, ministry.)
- Hobbies. My hobbies are very good for my self-esteem. They are a creative outlet.
- We live a solid 30 minutes from school/ church.
- I have allowed my child to get a job. My child does not have a license or a car. This means that either I'm going to make an extra round trip to home and back each day my child works OR I am going to stay in town to conserve gas/ money.
Fourth: If we are not expecting ourselves to do it all, then we had better not be expecting other moms to do it all. [Don't judge.] We have ALL done it, so let's not pretend we haven't. We see how messy another mom's house is and at best we secretly judge. At worst, we tell someone else that their house is messy. We attend a child's birthday party and judge the store-bought cake. (We would never have bought a cake. Homemade- always.) In this case, we compare our strengths to someone else's weaknesses.
How about instead of judging- judging ourselves as well as judging other moms- we offer acceptance. That alone is often enough because it is not always offered!! Maybe we offer help! Maybe you love dying Easter eggs and making gingerbread houses and maybe your Mom Friend feels like she is supposed to want to do these things but she cannot-even-handle-the idea. Maybe you can dye eggs with her kids and make gingerbread houses with them and hey- maybe she will clean your bathroom!!
Moms, cut yourselves an ENORMOUS break.
Moms, do not believe that you are supposed to be good at everything and do everything.
Moms, evaluate and make adjustments when necessary, (like taking a day off from work to get some cleaning done!). Try to shape your life so that it is working for you and the way that God made you and the current situation you are in.
Moms, encourage other moms.
Moms, be productive in the manner that God has called you to for the hour of the day that you are in!! And remember that not only is this different for each mom, it will be different for you too- depending on the day and the month and the year and the season!
As for me, it has been great to be home today!! Brings joy to my heart! (Still had to drive 2 hours, but- time in the car with my kids is something I will never complain about!! But that is for another blog post!) Even though haven't an immaculate house is not a high priority for me right now, having a decently clean one is, so it's been good to get closer to this goal! But even then, I took the time to write this post, (my creative outlet for today), as well as play a game at lunch time with my husband, (part of my quality family time for today.)
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