This little post isn't about homeschooling or farming, but it is an "opinion" piece about parenting. So, here it goes...
This is not a cloaked way for me to "talk" about a specific person. I do not have anyone in mind, I am just stating my rather strong opinion about an area of parenting. Truly.
I did not grow up in a perfect home, but I had a happy childhood. I participated in oodles of extracurricular activities, probably more than I would let my kids participate in. Of course my parents didn't live 30 minutes from everything either. For sports, basketball was my sport, but I also tried out softball, soccer, track & even gymnastics in my pre-high school days.
Guess what? My parents did not go to all my games.
Guess what? This really, truly didn't bother me. I knew they loved me. I knew they were proud of me. It never one single time occurred to me to ask them to come more. It did not add to my security to have them there & it did not subtract from my security to not have them there.
So, this is my first opinionated point: I will not be attending all my child's activities.
Naturally, I am the transportation, and because I live a distance away from most activities, sometimes I do stay, because it doesn't make financial sense for me to drive home & back again. Plus, I usually have my knitting with me! However, more often than not, I run errands or get in some "alone" time. I also completely understand that I don't have as driving a need to stay because I am with my children nearly all the time due to homeschooling.
Kevin took the time to go to D's track meet last week. He ended up leaving early because her transportation situation changed. Even so ~over an hour drive there and over an hour drive back and several hours there, all time out of his work day. That is really something to consider that when you don't work, you don't get paid! Yes, we think our children are worth it, that isn't really the issue.
So we do a lot of dropping off.... and picking up.... and arranging rides, when available. I admit that I am somewhat baffled when parents are always-at-everything that their child is in. I don't see it as wrong, it is just so far from my own thinking that I can't really relate. I do feel that I am rather alone in this opinion though. Society has shifted, because when I was a student I am quite sure that a lower percentage of parents attended all activities.
Second point of opinion: I'm not going to buy my child everything that is offered/ everything they want/ all the add-ons...
I would love to have some other parents say to me, "We do the same thing!" Not so much to validate what we do, although that is always nice, but to use as examples to show my kids that we are not the only ones!! The reason I feel the need to do that is because it truly feels like we are the only ones!!
This came up last night and probably was the catalyst for this post. We have the opportunity to order sweatshirts through D's track team. One of the coaches contacted me, (this is not about the coach - she is very sweet), to double check whether or not we were buying one.
- We are not poor, but we certainly don't have a lot of $. D does not need a sweatshirt. She has several.
The coach told me that only 4-5 students are not getting the sweatshirts. Well, quite frankly, Good for their parents!
It concerns me greatly that we are rearing a whole generation of kids who have no vested interest in their belongings, who don't have to sacrifice for something, don't have to wait for anything, don't know how to work hard to save for something. (Those are sweeping generalizations that are not true of all, are not true all the time of most, but certainly are themes that I see.)
Noelle & Micah do dance. That is their "sport", although they have also tried basketball, T-ball, soccer, skiing & wrestling.
I have never once bought Noelle flowers to give her after a recital.
I don't take pride in this, although I realize it might sound like I do.
For us, it started very young. When my kids were young I noticed that seemingly everywhere we went they were offering kids something:
Free popcorn at Target
Stickers at therapy
Cookies at the bakery
A slice of cheese at the deli
Lollipops at the bank
I made a conscious, intentional decision that I was only going to allow my kids to have these things sometimes. I personally did not think it was healthy for them to think they should get something every time it was offered, every time it was available. Self-restraint and self-denial are good things to cultivate. So yes, I was that mom who let my child have the free cookie about once/ month. I am still that mom who more often than not says "no" to the lollipop at the bank. I was that mom who suggested we save the sticker for an Operation Christmas Child box.
At dance they offer T-shirts, DVDs, pictures, flowers ~ Sorry, kids.
Even as far as dance shoes & leotards are concerned, I buy the cheapest and most suitable. Yes, this fits my budget, but also, I want my kids to know that it is not wise and often not possible to buy the best or their favorite. This year Noelle needed a new leotard. I admit that it was so tempting to me, sooo tempting, to buy something really pretty. There were a lot of neat choices. And it is not wrong for my child to have something pretty. However, a modest, plain black one was the cheapest, and we were using money that Noelle earned selling lemonade.
D likes to ski and this year she had the time to go during February vacation. Her birthday is in February and she received quite a chunk of money. She wanted Kevin to go with her, so she was willing to pay for both of them to go, since that is the only way Kevin said he would go. Good for her!
We buy some things.
Last year we bought D's gymnastics pictures & Noelle's dance pictures.
We buy a treat for each child the day of their recital.
We bought the kids each a T-shirt in Martha's Vineyard & also a T-shirt in Chincoteague.
Recently the kids started attending THRIVE at Bangor Baptist on Sunday nights, although that is now done until September. For $2.50 they can get a bag of chips, a drink & a burger or pizza. We decided that we would offer them $1.25 of that, if they wanted to eat at THRIVE, or they could eat our food for free. They ended up deciding, for the most part, to just eat our food for free.
So, I am just sayin'.
We love our kids & they know that we love them. They are not lacking in anything. And we are choosing to be rather selective about what we provide for them.
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