The Spiritual Growth of Children; Faith at Home.

I am passionate about making our home the primary place where faith is nurtured.  Here is the story of my personal journey:

"...You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates..."  -Deuteronomy 6

(Stop.  Feel like a failure in this area?  Keep reading anyway.  Don't give up because you don't do it perfectly or often enough.  None of us do it perfectly.  The easiest thing is to use teachable moments that already exist.)

6 years ago I attended, with my good friend, Lynne, a Focus on the Family simulcast on parenting.  I came home & shared this on Facebook:  "WOW!! Matthew West, Mark Holmen & Larry Fowler!! I am very intrigued by Mark Holmen's ministry, The Faith Begins at Home Movement. My head is very full of challenges, Scripture, ideas, etc. It's been a really good day."

I learned about churched kids leaving the faith & I learned about some reasons why people believe that it is happening.  I learned that many of our Christian homes are often 2-3 generations away from families who read the Word together, serve together & pray together.  I learned that families are farming out the spiritual growth of their children to the church instead of using the church as a supplement.

Before this simulcast I had never heard of the Faith at Home movement.  I didn't know that it was a 'thing.'  However, I was raised in a home where faith was nurtured.  God had guided me as a new mom, a happily married mom, a single mom & a stepmom to nurture my children's faith- I just didn't know there was a movement- a name.  

• Fewer than 10% of parents who regularly attend church with their kids read the Bible together, pray together (other than at meal times) or participate in an act of service as a family unit. 
• Only 28% of churched youth have talked with mum about faith. 
• Only 13% of churched youth have talked with dad about faith. 
• 69-94% of evangelical children are leaving the church shortly after they finish high school.

Actually, I didn't believe all of these statistics.  (We were given many more than this.)  I grew up in a home where we did have family devotions.  We did Keys for Kids, put out by Children's Bible Hour.  We read from the Bible before the morning bus came, usually from the New Living Translation.  We were encouraged & equipped to have our own quiet time.

After devouring resources that I had purchased at the simulcast and after a lot of prayer & guidance, I worked on implementing these concepts into my ministry at church.  But first I had to see what was true for the families in my church.  Where were they at & in what areas did they need and/or want some help.  I surveyed our small group of families and here are just some of the answers they shared:

When asked about family devotions:

1. "I bought a 'devotions over dinner' book & have cracked the spine only once in 2 months... not exactly what I had in mind when I bought it in a flurry of piousness."
2. "My biggest hope for my kids is that they will naturally want to be with God, even when they are teenagers.  Getting them there is what I need help with."  
3. "I am failing with devotions because of:  Time, How to do it 'right', I don't want to offend my unbelieving partner & my own struggle with meaningful devotion time."
4. "I am trying to live the Word, but I don't support it by verbalizing the principles aloud so that I can make a clear connection between the two."
5. "I lose teachable moments because I am angry or disappointed."  (Oh goodness this resonates with me.)
6. "There is always something more pressing that takes the place of family devotions." 
7. "Establishing a routine is really hard."
8. "God-inspired words do not come to me when they should, likely because of a lack of time spent in the Word."
9. "There are times when I want to convey a principle but don't have the 'kid-friendly' version to draw on, leaving me blank & groping."
10. "A hindrance is a lack of interest on my part as the dad."
11. "The biggest block for me is my own discipline and inconsistency and sometimes their lack of interest and some trial & error to see what captures their attention."
12. "Life has become so fractured.  There is only so much we can do."  (Oh, don't we all feel that way.  So, so busy.  They tyranny of the immediate.)

I am convinced that parents want good things for their children.  They want their kids to love God, and they expect that their kids will grow up to stay involved in church & have a growing relationship with God.  But they have no action plan and really aren't doing anything to make sure they meet their goal.

Time is a huge issue.  People are busy & there's rarely an opportunity to experience God's presence or see God at work when life is very, very busy.  One must be very intentional about loving God & knowing Him oneself & then impressing that on our children.  It's not going to happen by accident & we aren't going to suddenly find extra time to do it.  We have to make it happen.  "Too many parents are lulled to sleep during the tranquil elementary years.  Unaware of the approaching perils of adolescence and how quickly they arise."  -Dennis Rainey.

Often parents think that it's the church's job, or the Christian school's job.  Unconsciously, I think, many have seen children's programs as an opportunity to pass on the faith-nurturing responsibilities to the church.  I am so thankful for the church's role in our lives.  We need the church.  We are taught, encouraged, chastened.  We experience community.  I want the church, my church, to come along side me in the spiritual training of my children.  And it does.  But God designed parents to influence and train their children.  Service to the Lord naturally flows out of love for Him. 

Many parents aren't sure how to be primary faith influencers, particularly if they did not grow up in a home where faith was nurtured, particularly through family devotions.  Many truly have no idea what it looks like to teach their children how to relate to God.  Some of the problems that some families face in this area are a direct reflections of the less-than-all commitment that the parents have made to the Lord.  Many families 'play Christians' on Sunday morning but they don't want to be Christians the rest of the week.

Pause.  Having family devotions isn't a golden ticket to get children to grow up and live for Christ.  We each make our own choices.  Also, none of us is living a perfect life is this.  GRACE.

When children grow up thinking that church/God/Christianity is something we do at certain times with certain people in certain places, as opposed to having it permeate their lives~ they will live a warped, individualistic, self-serving form of Christianity.  They'll make decisions based on feelings rather than truth.  They'll embrace all philosophies and religions as equally true.

But if every Christian intentionally & effectively equipped the generations, it would be an undeniable legacy causing a massive cultural shift from the tolerant, humanistic, godless & compartmentalized present to a radically different God-honoring future. 

So- how?  How do we make our home the primary place that faith is nurtured?  How do we aid in the spiritual growth of our children?  First- we love God & know him ourselves.  Spend time in the Word ourselves, and in prayer.  Second, to express it very simply- We read the Word to our children.  We pray with them.  We take every day, ordinary things and we connect them to God.  We make our faith, our Christianity, something we do in ALL places with ALL people at ALL times.

The resource I found the most helpful was a short little book:  Faith Begins at Home by Mark Holmen.  I highly recommend it. 

Second to that book, I recommend Shift by Brian Haynes.  

Your Family Journey A Guide to Building Faith at Home is a companion book to Faith Begins at Home and I have found it very helpful. 

Because I also had ministry in mind, I've also enjoyed & gleaned from:  Think Orange by Reggie Joiner.  Building Faith at Home by Mark Holmen, Take it Home:  Inspiration & Events to Help Parents Spiritually Transform Their Children by Mark Holmen, Perspectives on Family Ministry by Paul Renfro, Brandon Shields & Jay Strother & Collaborate by Michael Chanley & a bunch of other people.  

I have shared in previous blog posts about some of my favorite resources and ways to nurture faith in my children, so I won't repeat all of that here, but rather focus on devotions.  Call it whatever you want to:  Quiet Time, Time in the Word, Faith Talks.

(Some of my favorites:  Passport to Purity.  Secret Keeper Girl.  Bible Bee.  AWANA.  So You're About to Be a Teenager by Rainey.  Adventures in Odyssey.  And all kinds of devotionals.)
http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2013/06/christian-summer-resources-for.html

Back to my journey:  I've had many talks with people at church about... cloth diapers, potty training, feeding my baby, the best age to begin music lessons, schooling choices, etc.  These were all good.  I needed and still need that community.  However, as a fairly young mom, only a few conversations were about how I can- or my husband & I can- spiritually mentor our children.  I don't think it's because people don't care, but I do believe it's because it's considered too personal, because people have failed in this themselves, or because they just don't feel equipped.

When my kids were little I had & used many resources for Bible stories, family devotions, prayer time, object lessons, etc.  When Kevin & I got married our kids were ages 4, 6 & 7.  We did mainly devotional books.  Then we had the girls do the CEF devotionals that were given out in Sunday School.

All this time God was working in my heart, and Kevin's too, and we moved closer & closer to where I stand today on family Faith Talks & parents being intentional about being the primary faith-influencers of their children.  We started reading to them directly out of the Bible, starting with stories like Ruth, Esther & Jonah.  The girls did the Bible bookmarks that we handed out through Sunday School.

It was through the encouragement of my friend, Susan, that I was challenged even further.  Her boys had their own personal devotions every morning.  So, when the kids were 6, 8 & 9 they began having their own personal devotions.  Not every day, but most weekdays.  I was already 'bent' to be intentional in this area, but the encouragement of a friend spurred me on further.  In fact, that's why I am writing this post.  That's why I've given out many, many devotionals to kids.  That's why when I was in charge of Sunday School we had special lessons on devotions.  This sort of 'coincidental' talk with my friend about personal devotions was a defining moment for me.  It happened before I had ever heard of 'Faith at Home', and even though we had been nurturing faith, the intentionality in our home changed dramatically.  I am so grateful that she encouraged me that my children were old enough & that she even provided me with a devotional that her boys were done with. 

We continued on with family devotions, sometimes using the Odyssey CD's, sometimes a holiday-related devotional & sometimes a family devotional.  Then our family also participated in the National Bible Bee, doing an inductive study on Colossians as a family.  Actually, we did the Bible Bee several times.

Note:  Not once did we complete the Bible Bee material.  Not once did we get through even close to the amount of material that I wanted to.  Don't be discouraged when you don't finish the book.  When someone is cranky or you have to make it happen.  Just do what you can do.

"On our own", (but not really, because God was guiding us), we implemented many things before I had ever heard of the "Faith at Home" movement. God clearly directed me and when I heard about the Faith at Home movement, I was excited.  It was validating.  I couldn't wait to learn more & do more & we did.

It's been 6 years since that simulcast.  I hope that I will be found faithful.  It's been messy & imperfect ~just like everything else in our lives!!  We have used Manga Bibles & Christian magazines & each child has received a very special Bible of their own during their Passport to Purity weekends.  We have read every type of devotional you can imagine.  We have read Mark as a family while our pastor is speaking on Mark.  We have been greatly blessed by serving together. 
http://carmelhillbillies.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-service-we-offer-others-parenting.html

Currently, it is hard to find time for family devotions.  Noelle, Micah & I have devotions together most days on our drive to school.  (Hey- you have got to use the time that you have- and that is where & when we have the most time- in the vehicle.)  My kids have been having their own personal devotions for years and the benefits are rooted in them deeply.  We typically have family devotions on Saturdays or Sundays.  I encourage you to read Faith Begins at Home.  And I encourage you to do what you can.