Perspective

"Were we ever somewhere else?  You know, it's hard to say..." -Shawn Colvin

The snow right now is just right so that even I can walk on top of it without falling through.  So today I took my walk in our yard, walking around & around the house and by where the pumpkins grow and near Narnibithia, (our make-believe woodsy world) and across from the pasture and over the "slug rock".  My intention was to pray over our home and our family.  Yet with each step I took the memories sprung forth and all I could do, with tears in my eyes, was thank the Lord and praise Him for His faithfulness.  

Lord, thank You for the wild strawberries & roses, family dinners on the porch, campfires, children playing on the lawn & digging in the dirt.  Lord, thank you for our little road & healthy legs & bikes that work and for the 1,000 times we have gone for walks & bike rides.  Lord thank you for Time:  The time you have allowed me to be present & home & creating & soaking in memories.  Lord, You have protected us and provided for us here.  Lord, You are faithful, sovereign and good. 

 

We see what we choose to see.  Not long ago a walk around our 7 acres would not have brought praise to my lips, thankfulness to my mind and joy & peace to my heart.  It's the same yard.  But I would have walked by the clothesline and remembered a big blowout.  I would have stood in the driveway as the bitterness crept in.  

I am not denying the bad things.  With my personality, it seems that I couldn't even if I wanted to!  There has been genuine brokenness.  Hurts that cut deep and regrets for what could or should have been.  There still are devastating disappointments and we continue to live together as imperfect people in an imperfect world.  "There's bound to come some trouble... there's bound to come some tears up in our eyes.." (Rich Mullins). That's what makes this change in perspective all the better- It is clearly from the Lord.  There is truth in the idea of positive thinking.  "Whatever is true, whatever in honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (Philippians 4:8)

A New Perspective started to creep in the day of my Gram's funeral.  September, 2012.  I walked around my grandparents' farm for the last time:  All the parts that were packed with memories.  Packed.  I was sad for this chapter of life to come to an end.  To my surprise the "Glad that it happened" overshadowed the "Sad that it's over."  This does not come naturally to me, but the groundwork was laid with time to breathe, spiritual health and the warmth of family.  As I walked through the apple orchard and fixed in my mind this beautiful barn & yellow house, my mind shifted toward our home.  Our beautiful home!!  I started to stop mourning my own 100-year-old yellow house on Pearl Street with its perfect bathrooms and how I could walk to parks & live in a neighborhood.  I took the first baby steps toward contentment with my country, taxidermy home!!  With fresh eyes I appreciated the amazing house-less view and the privacy we have. 

There is hardly a square foot of this place that I do not have pleasant memories attached to.  That is a gift!  And it continues.

The wind and the waves are still present.  (Matthew 14).  I can still become frightened.  But Jesus has his hand stretched out.  I am learning to focus on Him and not on the wind & the waves.